As per usual, chaps, please enter your quotes into the right section. If anybody would get the joke, stick it into 'General Interest'; if only you and a group of friends would get it, pop it into 'In-Jokes'.Session 1

General Interest


QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE EPICEST FAILS IN CTYI HISTORY! At the Closing Ceremony, Patrick brings down a birthday cake for Colm in the Larkin with massive sparklers on the top. Fire alarm goes off for about 20 mins and fire brigade, ambulance and police come in. What must the parents think? Then the RA's couldn't get the slideshow working for about 15 mins then when the video of the RA's singing comes on, the picture gets stuck. EPIC FAIL. 

Wilim - Team?  Wilim's RA Group - AWESOME!!! (Wilim's RA Group were otherwise known as "Team Awesome"...if you didn't already catch that.)  Fulcher - Team?  Kerri's RA Group - BETTER!!!  Wilim's group - TEAM BEST!!  Kerri's Group - TEAM BESTER!!  Wilim's Group - STOP! GRAMMARTIME!!!

'Vicky the RA's Theme Tune (sung to the tune of 'Mickey'):'
'HEY VICKY!!!''''Bold text [clap clap clap clap]  HEY VICKY!!! [clap clap clap clap]  - This was originally created on the first day in music appreciation by Jacko about Vicky the RA, leading to his adoption by the RA group and the declaration that it would be her theme tune and played at every disco.  - It was often mistakenly sung as "Hey Vicky you're so fine......" 

Aisling Mc: What are we doing now?  Wilim: We're watching Pride and Prejudice.  Aisling: Woo! Wait, what? 

Wilim-Bring you're calculators, we're watching Pride and Prejudice! 

Wilim (Referring to the two groups in arts and crafts) We have to swap. In here it's like, 'Oh, how are you? I saw you in Venice!', but in there, it's like 'Graah! Give me your face!!' 

(On the last night Ben, Brian, Steven F, Richard, Ruadhan, Gavin, Diggy and others at dead end on bottom floor at door 4 panned out in corridor with food - RA Shane enters) Oi!!! lads get into bed....(sees food and sits down)....give me a mars bar would ya 

Same night- RA Shane: Oh lads my phone is broken! it wont work anymore! you can break it more if ye want.... Brian A takes it off him and smashes it across the corridor at the wall.... Brian A: lets all take a piece for souveniers- Brian got buttons....Diggy got the chip....Ben got the camera and RA Shane got the screen 

Wilim (at Arts and Crafts): You can use the paints and things  Edmond: But there'r no more brushes!  Wilim: Edmond can finger paint! 

John - What does that mean? Does anyone know about stuff? 


Deirdre: Watch out for Sportalians! 


Martin: (referring to the mic at the talent show) Get that thing out of my face!  Everybody: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID  (during the stocks activity)John: Oh, Vicky your stock's so fine, your stock's so fine you blow my mind, hey Vicky. 

John - That IS Soulja Boy!! 

Aisling Mc - We need to have a Karaoke!  Kerri - It's not karaoke, it's KERRIoke!!! 

Wilim: I know it's soft, smooth and silky, but leave my hair alone.  Caoimhe etc: Papa Wilim!!!!  Wilim: Stop it or I'll stand up. And then you can't reach it. 

John - "Line up lads so I can count ye...if you've any food give it to me and I'll mind it...*making air quotation marks* MIND IT"  (and then Madi's impersonation)

john(to Alexis):Sorry what part of America did you say you're from again?  (Everyone laughs)  Alexis:I'M FROM CAVAN! 

John: And now in no particular order, except ofr starting at the bottom and working our way up.. 

Wilim: You know what an anti-hero is? The sister of your mother or father. 

(after the politically correct storytales)  John: Now, on to bed you lot. You've had your bed-time stories, so you'll sleep well  Wilim: Goodnight children  Caoimhe: Papa Wilim!! *everyone rushes over and hugs Wilim*  Wilim: Go to bed, children, or I'll tell Mama you were up late. 

Shane (in the interactive video): Hmmm.. I quite enjoy rooves..  Wilim - Right, well, see the thing is that we spent so long trying to get the sound working that we don't have enough time to watch the movie, but how about we just mess around on youtube for an hour? 

Caoimhe: Wilim, you should have a band! What would you call it?  Wilim: I'd call my band Wilimland.  Ayshan: What would you call your first album?  Wilim: "In the Land of Wilim".  Caoimhe: And the second?  Wilim: "Spllleehhhh". 

Wilim: They're like arthritic slugs! (talking about a group walking back from the Botanical Gardens) 

Oisín: Love you Wilim!  Wilim: Love you too, baby. 

(In the interactive video)  Wilim: Well, you see, I was up in my room... When this bandit came down, so I kicked him... And it was all like aargh! and stuff, and stuff.... And there were all these bubbles everywhere!  Colm: Well yes, that sounds reasonable. 

Cliodhna + Maeve: We know that's your real hair, Wilim!  Wilim: *scary/creepy/disturbing face* Jealousy is an ugly thing.. 

Cliodhna + Maeve: Wilim, The only thing you have in excess is your hair!  Wilim: Get back under your bridge, trolls, you've no power here! 

Caoimhe: Papa Wilim, you're the best!  Wilim: Oh yes. Of all the Wilims here, I believe I am truly the greatest. 

(during Arts & Crafts)  Vicky: Oh no! What did you do?! (the table is covered in green paint)I'm sure Catríona will be pleased *goes off to get tissue*  Brian: Don't worry, just cover it over with brown paint! 

Nuala: Poker is on this evening but you may not gamble for money, clothes or sexual favours. 

Willim: Can you sprint with a dislocated kneecap?  Brian: Yeah, but with the other leg. 

On the 4th of July, Willim goes outside Grattan's room and plays Star Spangled Banner on electric guitar at 8 in the morning. 

Aisling Mc: You know what I want to be when I'm older? An RA.  John:*appears from no-where* Yes, you do! 

John:And just remember;you're "crankin' it"

Allan:They locked me in their kitchen for twenty minutes!  Wilim:Then get back in there.

Wilim:At approximately 7.15 pm this afternoon there was a freak gravitational incidident. Unfortunately, it was concentrated in your room.

Wilim:Be quiet or else the gravity fairies will pay you a visit again.


(During the Talent Show, Ryan and Maeve hijacked the show and kidnapped hosts Adam and Luke)  Adam: They beat us, tied us up and tried to have sex with us!  Maeve: And we succeeded! 

Orla: Trust me, trust me! I'm a "doctcor"! (Note: This is not a typo, Orla MADE A MISTAKE leave her alone! :L) 

(At the site office on the 3rd last day)  Gavin T: I bring money.  Aisling: I bring money AND photos, so ha!  Freddy: I have money and I have brownies  Aisling: Curse you..  Freddy: I also have softmints and polos.  Paddy: (mishears Polos for photos) Oh great!! I'll take them off your hands and put them in the computer!  Gavin and Aisling: ..?  Freddy: *offers Paddy a polo*  Paddy: *realises his mistake* Well, I can't refuse these either, can I? 

Name of Winning Team in Table Quiz : The Hoff's Whores 

Alan: SPOILER! The Mongoose dies!  (several minutes later in the interactive ivdeo)  'Oh no! The mongoose has died!' 

*Edmond puts his cardkey in Caoimhe's bandana over her eye*

Edmond - Now you can't see!

Caoimhe - And I can get into your room.

Edmond - Oh yeah.

Caoimhe - But we'd get expelled, you know, 'cause of the boy's room thing?

Izzy - It'd be worth it though.

Edmond - What? Did you just say it would be worth getting expelled to get into my room?

Izzy - *dies and buries head in knees*

Boaz - That's what's known as a Freudian slip, Izzy. It's okay, we understand. 

Izzy: More speed, less haste!  Edmond: More speed, less AIDs? 

Alan: Why would you make robots French? Why would you, by nature, make a robot inherently give themselves up? 

Ruairí: A day in the life of Ruairí: Pillage, pillage, rape, pillage.  (Then Shane MK): A day in the life of Shane: Murder, murder, suicide, murder. 

Ginger Kevin: Join our floorgy! We'll get girls eventually! 

Ruairí: You see, if I bring a cake out into CTYI, I get mauled by students. If I go out normally, I get mauled by skobies and if I go out to town in a dressing gown, I get mauled by paedophiles. 

Alan: (Reasons for Wolverine being the greatest superhero) He doesn't stay dead, unlike SOME people! *cough* Superman. 

Gingey - (Dracula accent) Do you vant a pizza?

Aisling Mc - That sounded like Count von Count!

Izzy - One! Ah ah ah! Two! Ah ah ah!

Aisling Mc - Let us count how many pepporini are on this pizza!

Gingey - One spagetthi! Two spagetthi!

Aisling Mc - Ah ah ah!

Aedín coming back from being presented her certificate at closing ceremony.  Madi: I screamed so hard when you came! 

Kevin: Boaz took LSD!  Some guy: What's a Boaz? 

Alexis: Why would I give you an order to touch my girlfriends arse? 

Ciarán (Gingey): I'm wearing purple socks.  Izzy: Purple socks on a boy means an unfulfilled sex life.  Gingey: They're actually black (embarrassed look). 

Diarmaid: Jackson (Shane) has hit rock bottom and he's still digging. 

Gavin: If he was any more inbred, he'd be in a sandwich. 

Shane MK: The new response to Old Man is now Half My Harddrive. 

Louise: The answer is that the Big Easy is New Orleans.  Shane MK: Or what's left of it! 

Gavin: (to Jenny) Pakistan is NOT the capital of Afghanistan!  Steven: It is now! 

Michael: Someone here must have a serious gastrointestinal problem because that bathroom stinks! It should be labelled biohazard! 

(During Labyrinth) Your mother is a fraggin aardvark! 

Emer: If I had been any more laid back about the Junior Cert, I would have been horizontal. 

Gavin: Emer, 11 people have seen your video on YouTube already.  Emer: Oh my God, 11 people have watched me shaming myself!  Cian: Did you say shaving yourself?!  Emer: SHAMING MYSELF! 

Danny in Hairspray: Life with out love is like Alexis, only quiet.  Danny: RAWR!!! that means i love you in dinosaur!

Madi:I think the dude from Kings of Leon meant something else when the called it 'Sex on Fire'.  Fiona: What?  Madi: Well, think about it. He could mean like, the girl or boy sex...  Madi and Fiona: WOOOOOOAAAAAAAHH! YOUR GENDER'S ON FIIIRE!

Ryan: So what are we gonna do to get points!?

  • long silence*

Danny: GOB THE B*ITCHES! and then looks at the board, discovers that there is 5 points for a fridgit meet and rephrases: Screw that, GOB THE FRIDGITS!

Orla: whats that smell? Danny: (to orla) smells like a minger.

Caoimhe: Whaen Wilim said penis, that was the day I grew up and became a woman. 

Kevin: That's it, you're getting raped. Stay still. 

Ruairí: Goddamn it Mook, why aren't you dressed formal!?  Youngmook: Is it my fault I'm poor?! 

Ruarí (on every occasion): OMNOMNOM!! *hugs people viciously* 

Caoimhe: (in regards to the points game) Jesus must be destroyed! But not next year please! 

Caoimhe:I'm a bisexual  Gingey:Cause it's the beeeest of both worlds! 

Gingey: You know, you can't rape Izzy over the phone.  Caoimhe: Where there's a will, there's a way. 

Izzy: NO CAOIMHE! I DID NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!  Caoimhe: Stop denying it, Izzy. We both know what happened last night. 

(at disco)Izzy, Aising Mc, Gingey, Cíara, Naoise: Hey! She wants to take you to a gay bar! *all point at caoimhe* 

Ruarí: Well I guess there's some things in life that you're never going to know-  Izzy: For everything else, there's Mastercard. 

Eoin D & Ruarí (When they saw each other): MIDGET HUG!! 

Oisin C: This is Conor Maguire, my right-wing, ultra conservative, highly orthodox, rigid, devout, die-hard, Catholic friend.  Conor M: You forgot fundamentalist. 

(After watching The Hangover)  (Long silence)  Shane MK: You didn't like one bit of that did you Conor?  Conor M:Not one bit! It had all sorts of vices and bestiality in it! 

Gavin: Why does everyone associate black with racism?  Edmond: I don't, I associate it with black people. 

Gavin: How can you mix up Black people and chocolate- OMG a floorgy! 

Charlotte: Wait, if avocado means testicle, than what's guacamole?

Madi took food from Yvanne.  Yvanne: hey, hey! you had dinner! You're a whore, actually!

Kevin B: *reads Eee PC advert* "Fun at your finger tips." That's what she said! 

Shane Moran-Kelly: *talking to Kevin B* You're such a player.  Kevin B: I'm not really a player.  Shane Moran-Kelly: Yes you are!  Kevin B: Well, I try to be a player. 

Michael McDonald: *high pitched voice* Take it off! Take it ALL off! 

Aisling McCabe: Can we go before I get any more violated-  Izzy: NO! 

Ruadhan: Which way does the swastika go? This way or that way? 

Ruairí: Super Smash Balls! *punches someone in balls* 

(In a group hug) Shane J: I feel tall  Alan: I feel violated. 

[During Gay Pride weekend James Dolan, Shane Moran-Kelly, Michael McDonald and Gavin Tucker dressed up with bunny ears, pink headscarves and fluffy whistles and chained themselves together with pink handcuffs for the disco] All of them: We are the straight bunnies for gay rights! 

(On the "Ammo" crackdown)  Edward M: Random searching, my ass!  Eoin D: Randomly searching my ass? 

Writing for Life Broadsheet: Conor Maguire puts the FUN in FUNDAMENTALISM! 

Social Psych Class: NOTHING ..... but shorts! 

Alexis, talking to a four year old boy: Would you like some sweets?  Small Boy: No.. *runs away* 

Caoimhe: Bye Auntie! *hugs her aunt*  Gingey: Bye Auntie! *hugs Caoimhe's aunt 

Ruairí talking to a 4 year old girl: COME HERE  Little girl:AAAAAAAAAA [RUNS]  Ruairí:Damn could have scored some points. 

Alexis: I'm a newbie! I'm not a f***ing commuter! I have rights! I am a human being! - while he tried to convince members of the esteemed Legal Studies class of Session 1 '08 that he had the right to change the Constitution 

Alexis (at bodies exhibition): Caoimhe, are there any lesbian bars near here?  Caoimhe: And you want to know because...? 

Yvanne: I'm gidly slippered! 

All the RA's: Sound! 

Yvanne: I'm HI-larious!! 

Ruairí: Hey look, you're camera has an Islam setting.  Aisling: That's Night-mode-  Ruairí: No but look, it has a moon and a star. 

Izzy (in the circle place): Let's Orate!

Karla: Is that like rating the RAs or something? 

Yvanne: It's July in 20 seconds!  Fiona: *clambours on to desk* oooh!

  • midnites comes and goes*

Fiona: Well? *out open window in to Quad*

  • lady smoking in Quad runs away*

Yvanne: Woops! *jumps off desk to avoid being hit in the eye with stray ash* 

Yvanne: *.... all I wanna do it get off ...* Fiona: Emmmmmmmmm Yvanne: I'm listening to the Dandy Warhols I swear!!! Fiona: You need to NOT do that!  Yvanne: I really need to stop thinking that people in positions of authority are my friends 

  • At the first RA meeting.

Shane: Can I trust you not to wreck the room for a few minutes while I go and look for these guys?  Everyone: No! 

RA Shane: Anyone have any questions about me?  (silence)  Ruairí: What hair gel do you use?  Shane: Brylcream Extra.  Brian A: CHEAP!!!!! 

Karla: Do you want this apple tart?

Declan(with his mouth full of tart): I already have two! 

Jacko: *at RA meeting* I wish someone would send me a letter... Vicky: But you're a commuter Jacko: I know...but i'm more likely to get one here than at home...i'm unloved

Niamh G - Cian and Wilim are totally having an affair!

Aisling Mc - How?

Niamh G - Cian asked Wilim to go to the bathrom. They were gone for half an hour! When they returned, Cian changed his shoes and Wilim checked his fly! 

Someone - I LOST THE GAME!

Yutaka - I'm not a Thegamist

Izzy - A what?

Yutaka - A Thegamist. Someone wrote 'The Game' on a blackboard once and I thought it said 'Thegame'. 

Aisling: (in Airfield) You know what'd be funny, if there was a person in the next field!  *as we approach the next field, an old man stands up inside it* 

Question in the quiz: Would you let this man onto a bus? (Picture of Willim dancing)  Cormac's team: What man? 

Another quiz question: What does House take for pain relief?  Some team: Viagra. 

Jesus/Aoife: (To a two year old) I WANT TO EAT YOU! 

Jamie: My chicken just squirted juices.  Alley: That means you're doing it right. 

Conor M (to practically everything anyone ever said against Christianity): AAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! LEFT-WING DEVIL!!!!!!!!!! 

Izzy: *is juggling*  Child: *spots her juggling, tries to grab a ball and bursts out crying.  Caoimhe and Conor: Izzy made a child cry!! 

Gingey: Don't kill yourself, you'll live to regret it. 

Fiona Tuite: So, Conor, as a religious person, what do you think of homosexuality?  Conor M: Are you a lesbian?  Fiona: No.  Conor: Do you have close relatives who are gay?  Fiona: Yeah.  Conor: Oh.  (Conor proceeds to run away, very very fast.) 

Caoimhe (in Airfield): We don't need a map! We'll ask a sheep for directions! 

Michael O'Dwyer: I wish I had a petticoat... 

Allan Kilroy-Glynn: We are ELMO!  All of Speculative Fiction Class: And We are LEGION! 

Gavin: Oh no! I had a rock up my ass!  Caoimhe: That's what SHE said!

Adam: OMG Where are you putting that?!  Daire: That's what she said. 

Jacko: Oh yeah, Necrophelia is great...Until rigormortis sets in and its like, "Oh Sh*t! I'm stuck inside a dead guy's *ss!"

Kevin Fogarty (to R.A Willim): Thy "Wilim" be done!  Conor Maguire: HERETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eoin D *picks up Steve Foley and runs*  Steeve Foley: Wait!? What!? Where are we going!?  Shane J: No! My Steve! *picks up Steve and runs*  Steeve Foley: What!? Oh no not again! (Repeated on several occasions with some variations)

Steeve f: dont come any closer; I'll use violence! David: no you wont! Steeve: Dammit i know! im so helpless!

Karla - *Gets Ruairi by the wrists and pulls him behind the vending machines*

Aisling Mc- *Quietly, when Karla returns* What did you do to him?

Karla - I gave him a packet of Polos and told him to wait there.

(Other guys were freaking out) 

(Aisling Mc's hat falls off. Fionn steals and runs off. Ruari chases and hunts down.)  Aisling: Hooray for bodyguards! 

Kevin: I'm usually a stupidity magnet.  Aisling: You ARE a stupidity magnet! 

Kevin: Stop grass-raping me! 

Ruairi:The state is on my head, therefore I am head of state!! (During the invasion of the state of Eointopia one faithful Thursday afternoon and in reference to a towel on his head)

Eoin D:I seem to have misplaced my country (again in reference to a missing towel but slightly later on that fateful Thursday)

Eoin D: I'm a man in a bathrobe with no shoes on. I need my country!

Edward M: And so it happened, for it is written...  Angela S: Where?  Edward M: ...On my hand

Orla: Jamie, what's your surname?  Jamie: Speiran.  Orla: Sperm?!

Declan:(in reference to snapple collection)Its not an addiction its.... ok maybe its an addiction

Jacko: I'm like a love communist...i love everyone equally *sleazy grin* but some people more equally 

Adam, Paurig, and David: Bollocks!! (said repeatadly on pirate night)

Holly and Alley running round the quad getting guys to lift up their trouser legs [White socks]: You pass!!! [Any other colour]: You fail!!

Aisling McC: "Did you know that a load of Pokémon were inspired by insects? Like Krabby!" Wolfie, Scotty, Éamon, Fulcher: -laughter-

(Ruairí runs over and jumps on Alexis and Caoimhe, who are rolling around on the ground) Conor M: Oh my god, sodomy! <covers his eyes>

David? I think so: I did your mom. David: A favour. David: BY MAKING YOU! David: A sandwich.

David C: We almost did it Steve! Steve F: Yeah, we made it half way to the bed.

Dawn: Slide in there Thomas.

Kevin F: Why are you fingering the ground?

Alison: The banana is too big for the hole!

Jebet: A stick just went up my ass!

Steve F: Stupid vibrator.

Alison: Oops, I went inside myself!

Emer H: I paid €3 and it went for 40 minutes but I forgot to put the stuff in...

Alison: It's green and fluffy and seems to be excreting some sort of slime. Michael: Hey, don't bring my mother into this!

Alexis: <starts harassing Naoise> Naoise: So Alexis, are you bisexual as well? Caoimhe: No, I'm bi, he's curious!

Michael Jackson Jokes

These were all made up by CTYI students about five minutes after we heard Michael Jackson died. 

Shane J: Michael Jackson is one of the few people who won't decompose as he is made of 90% plastic. 

Shane J: Michael Jackson has donated his body to science. He will now be on display in the National Wax Museum. 

Shane J: The only difference between Michael Jackson and a Barbie doll is that children don't run from a Barbie doll. 

Shane J: Michael Jackson will be recycled into 86 Barbie dolls.. who like children! 

Alexis: Michael Jackson died in a children's ward while attempting a world record. 

Shane: Don't worry about Michael, he's going to come back in a few months with a plastic heart. 

Fergus: Don't worry he'll be on eBay in a while in his original packaging. 

Shane J: (during the treasure hunt) Aargh! If it weren't for ye, Michael Jackson be dead a virgin! 

Shane J: Can someone tell me? Is Michael Jackson going to have a funeral or is he just going to be recycled?

Darragh M:They say it wasn't the first heart attack that killed Michael,it was the second from when he got to the hospital and discovered there wasn't a childrens ward!

Darragh M:What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson? Alex Ferguson will be playing Giggs next September!



Conor: Have a bear tumbling down a hill!! 

Gingey (Ciaran): Miguel's Mother!  Miguel (in his tiny, high pitched voice): YOUR mother!

Eoin D: Can you impersonate David Attenborough? 

(a little girl walks by with a puppy)  Caoimhe: What a cute little dog!  Aisling Mc: Do you mean the girl or the dog?  Caoimhe: .........Both. 

Ruairí:*places rock on Caoimhe's head*  Caoimhe: *picks up rock and throws it aside. While making out* 

* In Labyrinth:  Passing character: Your mother is a fragging aardvark!! 

David Bowie: Let me rule you! 

David Bowie: In 9 hours and 23 minutes, you will be mine. 

Sarah: I must go alone. For that is how it done, face to face. 

Rory: Alexis! F**k off! 

Naoise: Wilim likes blowing on things. 

Freddie: MANHUNT!  Someone else: EMER! 

Aisling Mc and Caoimhe: *to the tune of Where is Shadow?* Where o where o where is Edmond? Where o where o where is Edmond? Where o where o where is Edmond? Where can Edmond be? Edmond!! (Edmond pops up five rows behind) 

Caoimhe (with Izzy and Aisling in Airfield): We're fwatwernal twiplets! 

Ruairí: Your mother's father's mother's da! 

Izzy: *is reading the quote book* That quote reminds me of Bridget.  Aisling: So basically, anything that includes violation reminds you of Bridet? 

  • Just to let everyone know, Karla absolutely despised Kevin for reasons we will never understand. infact, we didnt realy understand Karla that much either.

Karla: Shut up Kevin. 

Karla: Friends, peers, Kev. 

Karla: (happy face)Hi Kev! What course you switching to?  Kevin: War and Conflict.  Karla: NOT MY CLASS! (starts laughing)  Kevin: do you just laugh after every sentence you say?  Karla: Yes! HAHAHAHA

  • Niamh and Karla*

Karla(to Niamh):Look at us,we're proving the whole:'two blonde stereotypes in college' thing

Karla:Wait, i think they're whispering Niamh:People don't whisper like that!

Karla:MILK!!!!Now where's the cereal?

Karla:Do you've a mirror? Niamh:If only we had Declans glasses

  • Niamh and Allan discussing Labyrinth*Niamh:I don't remember much of that movie....

Fiona and Madi walk over to Jack.  Fiona: Jack, we have something to tell you, but please do not get freaked out, or upset.  Jack: Okaaaay.. (getting slightly freaked out)  Madi: Well, I guess I'll just spit it out... You have the NICEST ass we have EVER seen EVER!!  Jack let Madi and Fiona touch it. Repeatedly. Soon Jack wanted everyone to touch his ass. EVERYONE!

Xander the pimp and his hoes:  Alpha hoe: Yvanne Kennedy  Beta hoe: Aedín Ó' Cuill  Gama hoe: Julie Anne O'Connell-Kent  Omega hoe: Madi O' Carroll  many other hoes include:  Fiona Tuite  Rita Donovan  (Fiona and Rita were 'taken', and so were'nt allowed full titles.)  some random dude (unaware of hoedome)

*During Drama's show  Titania: Hey, aren't you Jonh Lennon? aren't you supposed to be dead?  'John Lennon': Woop woop woop woop woop woop! *scuttles off stage* 

David Bennet: Here's a song I wrote, called 'Yellow Submarine' *picks up guitar*  ...  David Bennet: You thought I was going to play it, didn't you? 

Daniel: Life is like Alexis, only quiet. 

Madi's reaction to the orgasmatron. 

Edmond: I kissed a girl and she raped me! 


Aisling Mc: Alexis should be taken in small doses. Overdoses of Alexis may cause your head to explode. 

  • Eointopia is a country invented by Eoin Dooley which takes the form of a towel, it only exists on Thursdays.

Holly: Can I be minister for something?  Eoin: Yes, you are now minister for Keeping It Cool. 

Eoin: For breaking the laws and not keeping it cool, you will be sentenced to 10 years in the fridge. 

Eoin: I'm a man in a bathrobe with no shoes on. I need my country! 

Eoin: You are now Miss Eointopia 2009!  Holly: I've been waiting for this moment since I could walk! 

Eoin: I am the inventor of the portable country. 

Eoin: I seem to have misplaced my country. 

Brian A:(to Eoin)I now appoint myself Minister for Sex and Erectile Disfunction of Eoinitopia but the title has no reference to my past present or future....i hope

Aisling: Ruarí! Stop Ohm-nomming people!  Ruairí: But he's so Ohm-nomable!! 

Gingey: I was a lonely bachelour until I bought the stick.. 

Aisling: What are you doing?  Ruairí: *pulls coat over head* I'm hiding from Jesus. 

Naoise: Look, I can open my shirt with my shoulders!  Izzy: No one wants to see your chest, Naoise.  Gingey: I've been waiting for some one to say that.  Naoise: Then why didn't you say it yourself?  -silence-  Izzy: It's okay ,Gingey, we understand. You don't have to hide it anymore. *pats on head* 

Scotty, Fulcher, Éamon, Brian, Jacko....basically everyone who wanted to take the p*ss outta wolfie (a lot): (at Wolfie) Minus 5! 

Fulcher: The clutchball is the must have accessory of this season.  Jacko: You're mad at the clutchball, Wolfie, hold it like a tiger! RAWRR! 

Wolfie: I don't like the ones with the white bits. 

(A mixture of Japanese, War and Conflict and Spec Fic burst into the Biomed room to wish Michael a happy birthday)  Jacko: (Whispers in Michael's ear) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday.....Mr. President. Happy birthday to you. 

Steven: You are the nerds of nerd camp. 

Caoimhe: Alexis, have you been eating grass or something cause it's all in my mouth.. 

Caoimhe: You're in the closet!  Izzy: No, I'm not. I'm at the the table.  Ciara: You're in the mental closet!  Caoimhe: In the gay closet!  Izzy: Well you were in the closet with Ruarí!!!! 

Orla: (about Danny) Aww he's so cool. I want one! 

Angela: Can we have a stick?  Michael: Yes Angela, I'll give you a stick. 

Kevin B: The mosquitos are following you.  Michael: Go f**k yourself.  Kevin B: No u. 

Shane MK making out with Socrates in the Botanic Gardens. 

(In Farmleigh)Angela, Steven, Ed, Charlotte, Anna and Richard: We're mounting the faguses! 

Anna: Damn, I got fagus sap on my trousers!


Daire: Hey do you want to hear my new saying? Respect your shorters.  Gemma: Did you just say your new saying is Jewish leaders?!

Jebet (during word game): word- unmanly, womanly, ladylike  Niamh L: CANADA!

Aisling: It's easy to make Daire laugh... Pedestrian! (no one laughs)

Aoife: Yay it's social time, I love social time!  Daire: Damn... I hate social time!

Jebet:What goes on in my bedroom is FAR from boring!

Jebet:I love lipgloss, I love lipglos it turns me on!

Jebet:Perverted B******!

Kevin.F:Thats not nice!

Scotty: I do not have herpes! 

Caoimhe: I got an Umbrella Bag! *puts on her arm*  Alexis: Now we're safe from hand Herpes!  Charlotte and Anna: Its midnight. We should do something. lets dance.

Faye, Cliona, Caoimhe, Maeve, Niamh O', Niamh O R - We've got plently of things in Wilim, ahahaha! 

Charlotte and Anna: WAFFLESSS!!!

Charlotte and Anna: Oh yeah, lets go party boy our grandmothers. 

Caoimhe (to a robin): Ohm-nomnom!!  Random Lady: Hey! Buzz off! Leave the Robin alone!! 

Ruadhan: (points at Edmond) He's a hug-whore.  Edmond: How dare you! I don't accept money! 

Izzy: Caoimhe said I was very rapable.

Gavin: Well you are!

Izzy: *shuffles away and hides*

Gingey: *rings imaginery bell* Okay, I think we're at 20 for that..

Rory/Madi: THATS PHAT. 

Caoimhe: WOO! Gay porn!  Izzy: Like those scary pictures you have on your phone..  Caoimhe: They're not Gay porn.. yet. They're on the verge. I got them off the TV at 3, therefore they are not pornographic!  Izzy: You got them off the telly at 3? And they're not pronographic?  Caoimhe: 3 PM! Before the watershed! They're not pornographic, just ALMOST pornographic!! 

Caoimhe and Izzy: Kerri, Kerri! Come into Caoimhe's room quick!

  • Kerri comes in*

Izzy: Close the door.

  • Kerri closes door*

Caoimhe: Turn out the light!  Kerri (in scared voice): Why? Caoimhe, should I be scared? 

Madi's impersonations. 

everyone.ALL THE TIME: Yeah,well,YOUR MA. 

Madi: Luke looks so much better from the back..

Aedín: Roobs! (she was lovely really...)  Fiona: what's roobs?  Madi: reversable boobs.

Madi/Aedín: Heurghh! *hand motions*  Madi/Aedín: (quietly) heh heh *small hand motions*

Emily/Niamh: Tony..Cheap girls, cheap rooms, cheap sex

ginger kevin walks by saying something  gingey:shut up kevin!  bystander:hey,how did you know my name?  gingey:no i meant ginger kevin.  bystander kevin:oh yeah, go ahead..

Jacko *sung to tune of Scotty Doesn't Know*: *insert Girl's name here* doesn't know, that *inserts girl's boyfriend's name here* and me, do it in my van every Sunday......*sings rest of song in similar fashion*

Kevin Fogerty:Group 1 window.

Fiona: I could really do with some rice crispees.

Alley and Jacko in attempt to make commuters cool after commuter rights movement: COMMUTERS UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *knuckle touch* Alley: Form Of!!! Jacko: A BROKEN CHAIR!!!! Alley: What?? Jacko: No one suspects the broken chair....


Mooncows from Mercury! 

The Universe is made from cows! 

Stuart (teacher): Now I shall demonstrate that gravity acts on all objects equally. [Picks up chalk and his phone and drops them.] See? No difference. Except that the phone is broken now. 

Uranus must now join the Rg.



Mike's two time dimensions!

Look at the big long thing!

I'm 17 I can touch anything I want!!!

Steven don't you remember the drunk night we shared together?

Lorcan stick that it. LORCAN!

Lorcan what are you doing with your finger?

Elasticated bouncy thing!

Millions of my potential children were waisted on your mothers face last night.

You were suposed to help me dectetiving! - You mean cheating?

It's not even theoretical physics, it's SI-FI... - YAY! That's what I do best in.

" all intents and purposes..."-Stuart.

Where do you think Dyson vacum cleaners got their name?

You got relly soft cheeks... - And they're scented too

According to string theory the universe is made of small vibrating things

The earth has an iron core...with speckles of cows.

...hexagon shaped clouds...

The 1st weeks astronomy quiz. Mike: What is burning in the core of Mercury? John: small puppies... (laughs uncontrollably) the next week. John said something very uncontradicable. Madi: Shut up John, you burn puppies.

Calculator phone solves all!!!!

Declan (while waving hands wildly): Everyone look at ME!

Madi: Don't even try, she has like, 600 brains. -about Emer

Cow jelly aliens.

Engaging probability drive.

"awh, thats phat!"-madi said repeatedly.

Miguel is the game! - Miguel is the human personification of the game. (by the way you all just lost the game xP)

(to the tune of teddy bears' picnic): If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. If you go out in the woods today you'd better go in disguise. For every CTYIers that ever there was will gather there for certain, because today's the day the CTYIers have their manhunt!

'cause his arm is going to fall off

It's not paranoia if it's true

Rory and Madi: would you like a massage...?

Rory: "Oh look Madi, a toilet." points out the window to a toilet and a man doing his business.

I am NOT having sugar withdrawlal syptoms! - Freddie and her powerade.

Then the mexicans and Nike will control Mars!

We'll just get the Jedi to move Mars. Wait Thats Impossible we'd need like a million Jedi... - John

Do or do not there is no try.- one of Mikes many nerdy t-shirts! <3

And the Jedi are on the other side of the galexy

Ha! I told you there were 2 times!

it's yerr-an-us.

I haven't done uranus yet

The universe is made of cows! XD

Fricking awesome!


Mike laughing uncontrollably at Madi. Madi: why are you laughing?? stop laughing!

OMG it's ET! - No wait it's just a cardboard cut out... :(

Lorcan why are you thrusting on the chair?

He's not making them he's doing them

The experiments just don't like me...

stewart: lads, we're not doing maths today. eimear: aw, damn!

Hugs 2.0

John.. burns puppies!

Free hugs for €2!

She can't be your big sister if you're her little brother!

Please do not stick your head between the elevator doors because it is not good common sence and may not be condusive to your health.

It feels like a sheep! - in reference to Madi's hair

Look a weapon of mass distrction!

The day of the walking hug

Madi/ Alison: I'M ASEXUAL!

Please do not drown commuters in the Liffey it will scare the fish.

I do not wish to be affilated with anything called awesome cow.

Please do not run over commuters it may leave a mess on the road.

They suck everything

I'll use my dyson sphere

Do you KNOW the cost of hotels in Prague? - said by Patrick during a debate on whether Pluto should or should not be reclassified as a major planet.

You like to put that thing in holes don't you?

Freddie: I pare, you pare, we all pare for icepare! Madi goes into uncontrollable laughter.

Daniel gives the best rides ever!

Patrick: It's not me talking, it's the caffeine!

I'm here, I'm sphere, get used to it

It's over, it's done


  • In the Biomed lab, Jack O'Sullivan constructs a swastika from Geomag.

Aoife(Biomed teacher): Ah here we go now! No swastikas in the lab.

  • Aoife proceeds to alter it into what she considers to be a smiley face

Shane J:(Talking about the Ellen deGeneres balloon) We should have a sign saying "Welcome to Biomed! Warning, this is what happened to the last student that didn't wear gloves." 

Shane J's ten minute long Bobo joke. 

Aoife: The stains you used this morning were actually carcinogenics! 

(Playing Biomed hangman)

  • Youngmook puts up a 45 letter word.

Gavin: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicavolcanoconiosis! Youngmook: Dammit! 

Ruairí: Is this scientific?  Daire: I don't know, it's in the book. 

Jacko: (On a scene in Jurassic Park) What a wonderful bedtime story! 

Character in Jurassic Park: Can I touch it?  Ruairí: Thats what she said.

  • This started off the whole class saying "Thats what she said." after every line in Jurassic Park for the next hour.

Shane MK: (To anyone) Yo Dookie! Pick up the phone! WAZZAP! 

Ruairí and Angela's door-opening competition. 

It's a UNIX system, I know this! 

All the class after any incident: ANGELA'S FAULT!! (It never was...) 

Elena, Jacko, Orla and Jenny: (all the time...most often randomly) Hey! Look!....a Squirrel/a Fireplace!!!!!!  - There never was a fireplace. Or a squirrel. Except at the Botanics. 

Jenny: Look, Jack! A squirrel!!  Jacko: *looks frantically and angrily* WHERE?!!!! DIRECT MY EYES!!!!! 

Shane J: I'm confused dot com. 

Aoife: Friday is Fun Fluorescent Friday! 

Aoife: The ghost of Isaac Newton is trying to sit down! 

Michael OS: I'm bioluminescent, shut up! 

Glowstick fight in the dark. Jenny won! :) 

Michael: The smell up here is atrocious, it just reeks of glowstick!  Orla: So does your ma! 

Edwina: In my lad, we don't make babies everyday.  Steven: Not everyday?  Edwina: Only on weekends. 

Elena: What do you do with the mice when you're finished with them?  Edwina: They're sacrificed humanely.  Elena: Then they're brought to the canteen. 

Fitting 9 people in the tiny lift and then jumping up and down in it on the last day. 

Louise: So guys whats your quiz team name?  Table quiz team: Morning fun!  Louise: Er.. what? 

Shane MK: Tuesdray 

Gavin: I need yer ma! (in reference to the quiz team name) 

Elena and Jenny high five with shaving foam and food dye all over their hands and it splashes all around the lab. 

Jenny: Haha! Michael can't blow. Shane can, he's good at it!  (DISCLAIMER) This is in relation to both's candle-blowing-out skills. 

During a Biomed film in the dark, Steve and Jenny have a shaving foam fight. 

(Characters in The Fantastic Voyage start pelvic thrusting back and forwards)  Shane J: What does that remind you of? 

Aoife: (Reading a Wikipedia page) Buchner won the 1907 Nobel Prize for Moustache. 

Elena: How strange, Steve and Angela. And Digvijay is like the gay friend of the couple.  Jacko: Hey! Only I get to be the gay friend of the couple in this class! 

In class, everyone starts poking Michael  Jacko: Molest Michael is a fun game, we should play it more everyday! 

Jenny drops the magnetix  Orla: Haha Jenny you dropped your balls! 

Angela: Can we have a stick?  Michael: Yes Angela I'll give you a stick. 

Filling in the evaluation form  Question: Did the instructor and TA work well together?  Jacko: Aoife and Louise, like Thelma and Louise only better! 

(Angela shows an anime picture of a child with blood gushing out of its eyes.)  Angela: Notice how blood comes out of its eyes.  Shane MK: Ebola is so emo.


Ciara: JOVIS!!! *pats Eoin's head*  Eoin D:Madame

Someone:Why did you call him Jovus? Ciara:Cos i was gonna call him Hovus but then i remembered thats a bread.

Ayshan-We learned how they penalised someone in criminology today!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Some of the class (mostly Tom): It was Ed's Fault!...Never was though

(Playing Pictionary)  Eoin D: Anal Sex With A Dead Rabbit!

Michael O'Dwyer: Is it Apocolypto?

Edel: If someone hits you with a stone, you can't shoot them!

Dee: He seems to be unresponsive - his eyes are open and he's looking around, but I don't think he can hear us... Tom: Wha...

Tom/Edward/Eoin: JENGA!!

Dee: Oh Jesus, look - it's Epic Jenga!

Tom: He's a mongoose!

Edel: Damn squeegee people!

Edel: The funny thing is, no-one ever steals your fridge.

Claire: TOM! Stop drawing on Padraig!

Edel: 'Anon woz ere'

Dee: That doesn't really surprise me, you know, considering Tom a big Jenga Nazi.

Edward: Ireally think that... Sean/Tom/Eoin: Boooo!

Edel: And then sometimes you have self cleaning toilets, so you end up with a wet homeless person.

Dee: The fact that the Sportalians are alive is a crime.

Emily: Guys, Micheal is not a copybook!

Dee: Padraig, stop downing me! You're a downer!!

Grace: This is Jengacide!!

Edel: So basically if you're labelled a criminal, you'll start using Dublin slang, like; Story bud... Me bird's in de prison...

Holly: Note to self; don't call the guards pigs, you'll be charged.

Dee: Why is it always a little old lady?

Mick Dwyer: I'm gonna kill you in the face, Holly!

  • crash*

Edel: Jenga is gone! Tom: Batteries!

Edel: The problem is... TOM!

Edel: 'JOE' branded across her forehead...

Tom: John Gilligan: Criminal mastermind or ruthless Jenga player?

Micheal: I'm going to wash my face!

Allan: And then the whole generation will be nicknamed the 'iTouch Children'.

Dee: Bag man! Dad with bag! Man with bag who steals children! Sean: PRIEST!!!

Mick Dwyer: Is it Apocalypto?

Dee: But that's like saying; 'Don't commit suicide, because if you do, you will be killed.'

Mick Dwyer: I wouldn't trust anyone with anything, really.

Dee: Holly. Holly: What? Dee: What're your ways? Holly: ...Yes.

Mick Dwyer:These pens only write on paper, it's crazy!

Mick Dwyer: Wait, that's not supposed to break!

Dee: She doesn't look like ham, she looks like a bottle of something! Holly: A bottle of ham!

Holly, Ciara, Tom, Ed and Conor's arguments in the legalising of hash debate. (Against) Tom: If people drive while off their head, bad things will happen...JENGA! Ciara: Hash makes you paranoid. Holly: We'll turn Dutch. Ed: It's a recession, drug dealers will lose their jobs. Conor: It's too hard to regulate. Holly: It'll turn you Dutch

      If you take too much
      And you won't be butch
      You'll die if you OD
      And then you will see
      You live in a hut
      With your family mutt
      Your peers will get annoyed
      When you're too paranoid
      So please don't get stoned
      Or you will be boned.

All helped to write the poem!

Edel:Chuck Norris is great! I will have nothing bad said about him!

Edel: The Irish army descends from the sky every time a football is thrown into Mountjoy...

While watching Thriller... Fergus: No, don't run into the haunted house!

Edel (on Disneyworld): Oh look there's fun over there. Go over there. Shoo.

Conor: They should really tag paedophiles...

Mick Dwyer: I love this little pencil so much. It has little worms on it.

Mick Dwyer: Why are you wearing a skirt, Holly? You might as well not be wearing any pants at all.

Holly: Whore! Ciara: Prostitute! Holly: At least I get paid.

Edel: How do you deal with a ten year old who commits murder? Eoin D: Put him in the corner!

Lizzie/ Holly: Whorebag!!

Film Studies

(After discussing "Snakes on a Plane" and "Sharks in Venice")  David- I'm sick of these mutha*bleep*in' sharks on this mutha*bleep*in' train!

All at various points:HAIRGASM!!!!!!!!!!

(Discussing "Citizen Kane")  Brian TA - Do you think Kane had a big ego?  Xander - Yeah, he was a cock.

(while watching 'The Quiet Man') Donal: Violence AND ankles?!

Laura: Blue screen of death!

David (regarding German Expressionism) : Emotions are not efficient


Karla:All that's in Limerick is you, two other people and a post office Finbarr:There's no post office

Ryan:I'm quite proud to be a skanger

Eddie:This christmas, I wanna give Christine a child.

Niamh:You're under my authority until you're 18 David:Isn't that illegal?

Finbarr:I'm gonna play Seaweed Caoimhe:Why? Finbarr:Cos I'm black,yup, W-H-I-T...E

Donna:What's the name of the instrument used in Japanese Theatre? Maeve:Jumangi!!

Ginger Kevin: what are my lines? everyone in every play every time he asked that question: you walk over that way and then you get shot/have a vase dropped on your head/ etc. Ginger Kevin: should i... Karla: shutup kev!!

the new girl in town! stealing ALL our male clients!

fun 4 all the family! except grandmas! they dont even know how to be hip!

Goodmorning DCU: ohohoh, woke up today, feeling the way i always do, ohohoh, hungry for something that i cant eat, like canteen meat! The food thats at spar, starts calling finbarr, but hes to poor, because he is from limerick, ohohoh, pulling me out to the canteen that makes me so sick! Goodmorning DCU! everyday starts off, bright and new, every nights like a fantasy, every sounds like a symphony! Goodmorning DCU! and someday when i take to the floor, Colm is gonna wakeup and see, Zac Efron and me ohohoh, look at my hair, my showers brocken, so i cant wash it, ohohoh i got my beanie and polos im ready to go. The guys on the street, all dance around my feet, they seemto say titania, its up to you!

soohoh dont hold me back, coz today all my dreams, will come true! Goodmorning DCU, theres a pirate that lives there to, theres my friends sitting on the grass, they wish me look on my way to class. Goodmorning DCU, and someday when i take to the floor, colms gonna wakeup and see, zac efron and me, I know every step, i know every song, i know here is the place where I belong! i see all those disco lights shining so bright so some one invite me to CTYI! soohoh give me a chance, cause i need nerd camp to feel like a star! something inside of me makes me soar, 3 weeks why not 4?

RAs tell me no but my feet tell me go! its like tradition inside my heart!

Dont make me wait one more moment for nerd camp to start! I love you DCU! every day starts off bright and new! Every night is a fantasy! every sounds like a symphony! and i promise DCU that someday when i take to the floor colms gonna wake up and see Zac efron and me! zac efron and me! DAVID BENNET! and meeeeeeeee!

Information Retrieval and Effective Web Searching

Colm: So, who wants to leave the class?

  • all ten put hand up*

Emily (TA): STOP LOOKING UP RACIST JOKES!  Ruadhan: But, if Richie looks up white people jokes, then can we?

These quotes were all collected during the 4 days that Information Retrieval ran. We all left.


All Hail Almighty Jod!! 

  • In the table quiz, 2 teams called themselves Team Maromi and Team Shonen Batsu.

Aoife: Team Maromi got 7 in that round and so did Team Shonen Batsu. So they're still equal, This is never going to work guys. Remember, Maromi and Shonen Batsu are the same!! 

Edmond: Is that your wife? (points to a picture on Joss's laptop)  Joss:Yes, she's Icelandic.  Edmond: not to mention hot! 

Aisling: That's a quote.. (every time a quote was made, she would say this) 

(In the study quiz)  Aoife: In relation to Sumo Hair Wrestlers-  Everyone: ....? 

Edmond: Quote book evelves into.. Quote Website!! *jumps up and tries to grab the laptop 3 feet away* 

(In regard to the previous quote) Edmond: That's not 3 feet! That's about-.. 10 feet away. 

(Edmond keeps popping up from behind the tables)  Joss: Whack-an-Edmond! 

Edmond: E, A, I, C, C.. what name can we get with that?  Izzy: Team Maromi!! 

Edmond: Boaz has a shiny nose! 

Edmond: The best part of this course was for me to get Pokémon Platinum, which I faile- succeded. 

(Some one takes a picture in which Aisling Mc glows) Izzy, Ciara + Caoimhe: GOOOMA! GOOOMA! 

(Caoimhe and Ruarí are in the cupboard): OH yes, yes, yes! Keep going! etc.  Aisling Mc:(opens cupboard)  Caoimhe: What?! We're playing cards. 

Aisling Mc: This is Dam, my Yaoi character.  Caoimhe: OMG, Dam! Like Dyke only for guys! NEW SLANG YAY! 

Joss: Konojo wa sou imashita! (That's what she said) 

Caoimhe: Why is my butt sweating? 

Edmond: What does the toilet seat look like? 

Ruadhan: So which way does the Swasticha go? 

Caoimhe: What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?!  Izzy: Flammable means it goes on fire. Inflammable means it goes on fire. 

Edmond: Ooh, Manequin Love! (to the tune of Hot n Cold) 'You're solid and cold, you don't communicate..' God! Why would I have sex with you? 

Edmond: The suspense is raping us! 

  • Referring to going to the Disco as Team Rocket

Izzy: I don't have purple hair.  Aisling: I don't have red hair.  Edmond: I have red AND purple hair but it combines to make brown! 

Caoimhe: Smooth...Stubbly!! 

Edmond: If you stop talking, we'll stop.  Joss: THat's not going to happen.  Edmond: In more ways than one.  Joss: That's what she said. 

Aoife: (during quiz): If Monday is literally 'Moon day', what is Tuesday?  Edmond (loudly): Well it's got to be 'Wood day'!  Izzy: No, it's 'Plant day'.  Edmond: Oh, 'Planet day'! So, Tuesday is 'Earth day'.  Izzy: Nah, that's Thursday.  Edmond: And Wednesday is 'Uranus day'! 

Izzy: That wristband doesn't suit you.  Edmond: (hopefully) Bondage gear?  Izzy: Doesn't suit you.  Edmond: How would YOU know? 

Joss: Go to www.j-dick... 

Creepy monkey girl: A, I, U, E, O! Ka, Ki, Ku, Ke, Ko! 


Wolfie: We're not talking about ye, we're talking about we! 

Edmond: How do you spell 1500?  Aisling:..?  Edmond: Hey! It's different in Japanese! 

Edmond: Laughing makes everything better, except rape!  Izzy: You'd be surprised. 

Joss: Edmond will do a presentation NOMNOM. 

Caoimhe, Izzy, Ciara and Edmond: Love you Daddy Joss! *hugs* 

Survey: 'Outline the subjects you have covered so far'  Edmond: Japanese food, which is so much better than canteen food! *whacks knee on table* Oow! 

Caoimhe: (talking about the Japanese 'Horror' films we were watching) And that's why necrophilia is bad children. 

Edmond - Do you have change of a fiver?

Izzy - No, sorry.

Aisling Mc - I do! *rummages in bag*

Edmond - No love for you, Izzy!

Aisling Mc - Here! *pulls out fiver*

Edmond (on a different occassion): Do you have change of a tenner?  Aisling: I do! *pulls out tenner* 

Edmond: Discrimination helps keep women in their place!  Ciara: You know there are more girls here, right?  Fulcher: *looking around* Where's Boaz? (Boaz is at Infectious)  Aisling Mc + Izzy (in unison): Boaz doesn't count! 

Aisling:Two years ago, on my first year here, tomorrow would have been the seventh of the seventh, 2007!  Izzy: Really? That's cool...That was one year ago..*dazes*  Aisling: That was two years ago. Or are you excluding even years? 

Caoimhe and Edmond: Smack ma bitch, yo! 

Joss: (during the final quiz) Mmm...Delicious blank faces... 

Joss: It's Radio Teilifís Japan! 

Edmond: What's the Japanese for ride?  Joss: Which one? 

Spec Fic

Jesus/Alley at study every day for the first week: Will?! Will you befriend us?

In an attempt to befriend Will entire class would say: We heart Will!

Allan: We are Elmo Rest of class: We are legion

(drawn on the blackboard along with a picture of Elmo): Always Watching

Alley, Jesus & Belinda watching Will in the library on a sign: We *heart* Will. Addition to the sign: Jack does too!

(During 2001:Space Odyssey) Everyone when yer man is drifting off into space: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Alley: (concerning close ups): Look at his face and imagine what's going on under the screen

Belinda/Jesus: It looks like a PENIS

(Looking for plot holes in Star Trek Episodes): Implosions look like explosions in space

Barcoe: If you say Bloody Alley 3 times in a row she appears and gouges out your eyes... Alley: No I don't!

Social Psych

nothing...BUT SHORTS!! (no other Quotes could possibly capture Social Psych like this one)

Alexis on Judaism: Like i know its their religion and everything but i don't think rabbis should be allowed to cut little bits of little boys.

THE LIST (sorry if there are mistakes, I'm copying this from a photo and it wasn't very clear what it said):  1) Steal Wilim's (couldn't read that word) and kettle  2) Streaking  3) Sleep Naked  4) A guy has to sleep in pajamas  5) Girls/Guys swap clothes  6) Partyboy a Sportalian  7) Straighten Jamie's hair  8) Makeover on a guy  9) (couldn't see)  10) Chug tobasco  11) Sing Burn Baby Burn at 3:00  12) (couldnt read)  13) Mingle with Sportalians  14) Mob a random room  15) Rob one fork each from the canteen and make bracelets from them  16) Make sink jelly  17) Go commando to class  18) Wax Sam's legs with a smiley face :]  19) Choreograph clothes and dancing  20) Eat a toastie  21) Eat 5 dollops of ketchup by itself  22) Shots of vinegar  23) Change a 5 euro into 1 cent coins and buy as many lollipops as possible  24) Morning run in...NOTHING BUT SHORTS. (I couldn't read the rest, if anybody has a copy, *cough* jamie, they can put the rest up)

War And Conflict Studies

(Someone asks about the sex offenders prison we passed by)  Teacher: Nah, there weren't any sex offenders back then. They were all in schools.

The prison was beside a church.  Eoin: They probably let them out to say mass on Saturdays.

Thomas: Whats wrong with concentration camps?

Oisin: Where's Cambodia?

Everyone: Three Reichs and you're out!

(Model UN)  Kevin: Can Croatia go to the toilet, please? Karla:shut up kev! (wasnt actually there but if was...) (During a documentary about war) The city of Mostar will make sure that nobody will be able to touch Bruce Lee again without paying the consequences.

Thomas (as the Japanese representative): god damn it,i was sent home for translation problems! David (as the Liberian representative): so? I've been invaded!

Thomas: what would happen if Japan blew up and everyone was dying? Kevin: Thomas, if Japan blew up, everybody would be dead! Karla:noone likes you Kev!!!(just checkin in again) Portugal Cares

Germany: I want the Congo!  France: You can have a little bit of the Congo.  Germany: I want ALL of the Congo!

Eoin(Chinese rep) I have officially freed Tibet.

Kevin: who would want to live in a public toilet anyway? David: are you insulting my family home? Karla:Yeah Kev Fuck you!(wasnt there but once again if i had been) Eoin (while being beaten by David at risk): Stupid <insert nationality here>, cant fight for s**t!!

David: Thomas is a raging homosexual.

Teacher: Okay, we're going to vote on whether to create Israel or not. The Arab countries are very annoyed at this and are planning to invade if this resolution passes. Our first vote is Saudi Arabia: yes or no Oisin (Saudi Arabia rep): Yes! Teacher: Saudi Arabia.. isn't meant to vote yes Oisin: But AMERICA is!

Writing For Life

(on Eimear's sestina, in which sexual references were found by Julie-Anne)

Niamh: It's an incestina!

Niamh: Are you well? Cause you sure are looking well!

Eimear: I am not on the pill, so therefore there is no reason my poem should be incestuous

Niamh: Don't worry, we won't judge you...much  Cian: Unless you're different to us in any way

Fun fact: Eimear went ape at the following fire drill and attacked Julie Anne viciously when the Incestina (aka Incest: A poem about Forbidden Fruit) was mentioned

Another fun fact: Eimear went ape again when Sinéad decided the sestina contained abuse and retitled it Abusive Incest: A poem about Forbidden Fruit and Hurt

In daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarkness let me dwell!

Ciaran (to Fiona): Roses are red, violets are blue, you're blond but I'll ignore that if you go out with me

Ciaran: Sportalians, quick! Burn them! Burn them with fire! Burn them at the stake! Burn them with hot things!

Cian: Imagine if humans grew from trees

Julie-Anne: Are you calling my poem fat?

Cian: Someone took my Tip-Ex, and its not me this time

David Sedaris: Every moment I spend with you is like having a Caesarian section

(Phonetic Alphabet Role Call) Seamus: ALPHA! Cian: Beta-wait... BRAVO! (Long silence) Whole class: Where's Charlie! (he was in the Japanese class in a cupboard)

Sinéad: Ridiculously good looking!

no..... not really!

Yeah really!

Sinéad: I say ridiculous ridiculously often.

Sinéad: Hey Seána.... *shit* Hey Sheila.

Everyone:Shame on Seamus

Aisling *during story*: ...the sound aroused me...  Sinéad and Niamh G: *fits of laughter*


Cormac, Conor and Diarmaid make the biggest jenga tower ever , Cormac puts last piece of jenga on top.  Conor:what will we do with it?  Cormac: take a picture?  Diarmaid: knock it down?  Conor : we will take a picture of us knocking it down !  1 2 3 bang (of hands hitting jenga)  snap and click (of camera)  crash (of it falling)  Conor: now,  whos going to clean up?

Conor/Diarmaid:FAIL  Cormac: Yes?

Vinnie (teacher) : if any one touches this [piece of paper] i will decapitate you immediately!  Conor : "high pitched voice" My spoon is to big

(thank everything under the skies for Aisling McCabe's and Gavin Tucker's Quote books. And now, Edmond, it HAS evolved into Quote website!)

I say it again Sinead PUT THE QUOTES UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Session 2


Kerri: Has anyone seen the wee pirate fella?

Domhnall: Guys big problem, i don't like the way Johns group have the TEAM CHAMPION slogan. I think we need one for me too! Edan: I got it, how about "Team... Domhnall, the greatest RA, who is actually a fairly nice guy

Kerri: (when somebody fell) HAHA, You're broken!

Barcoe:I lost my card,I'm locked out. Kerri:Hahahahaha

John:Now, some of you have been leaving your windows open at night. You shouldn't be doing this as some of you are quite slight and I don't want to have to tell someone's mammy they've been taken by sportalians.

Martin:Get out of the room if your not in the room. Barcoe:That makes no sense. Martin:Shut up Barcoe.

Ciarán: John, Deco put this sign on my door and he's bullying me (shows him a sign saying 'Arrogant Poser) John: Shut up whining, Ciaran and man up

Sinead: “One of the RAs last session got a pair of cons from her group...”

Ash: “Is that a hint?”

“If you go there, don’t attract attention to yourself, or mention you’re from CTYI...” – Sinead [About going to the Botanic gardens]

General Interest

Barcoe: Do you want an orange? Dan: that's no orange, it's a...(looking at the sticker)...a Clementine Barcoe: There's no difference Edan: Yes there is, a Clementine is a smaller fruit, much like a tangerine, some might say an outcast from the citrus fruit world Jack: Kinda like us then Henry:When we open this Clementine one piece will be monstrously large, another one will be really bitter and one will be smaller than the rest. *Looks at Edan, Barcoe and Deco*

Jojo:So hows the boyband today? Edan: We're not a boy band! Jojo: well you sure look like one: Dan: Yeah that'd be cool if we were like, a boyband! Henry: Yeah and on our album cover we'd all have to be facing different directions Edan: Yeah but we'll need a gay one Pirate Deco: Jack! Jack: Deco you're sooo overcompensating Dan: And Barcoe can be the guy that runs off to have a solo career and fails Deco: Wait I don't want to be in a boyband Edan: Fine you be the one that leaves Dan: Oh and we also have to have a good Christmas album, we'll use take that as our role models Edan: All we need now is a black guy and we'd be complete

Edan to anyone eating chocolate fingers 'Finger Me!' Jack:do ya have to say it like that? Edan:well in my experiance if ya ask like dat noone ever says no

Edan(to henry):cmon lets go to breakfast Henry(sitting on a washin machine):no this vibrates and warms my ass its awesome (edan and Dan hope onto a washin machine each) Edan:yeah lets chill here for a while

Shane R.A.: Okay, can anyone here actually drive a bus? Shane MK: Well... I know the theory behind it...

Vinnie's Lecture is like a weird once a year period; lots of blood and quite annoying- Pirate Deco

Raymond: (while playing a shoot 'em up game) "Aw! I just gave him a Head Shot!"

Jonathan(Tutor):"The head has lots of information but the body's more interesting."(HTML Joke)

  • Edan walks up to the DJ at the end of the disco*:"Play the God Damn National Anthem!"

Lunchtime at the zoo... (American)Dan:Lets go to the African Plains! Matt: There's no food there!...oh wait shit

Aine O: I had a friend with benefits once. . . Aine K: Yeah, her father was unemployed.

"My dad, is a government artist", "Really?" "Yeah he draws the dole!"-Henry

"John understands the ins and outs of the menstrual cycle very well." - Andy

"You don't wear pens on your eyes!" - Haggis

"Eva's not trustworthy! She killed the Jews! Oh wait, that was Hitler."

Shane MK- Innuendito, ergo sum.  Conor M - Who said that, Sexcartes?

"I would well kiss his [Andy's] ass!" - John


(CTYIzen with 300ml of water) Water! Water! CHUG!CHUG!CHUG!CHUG! YEAH!*RAs stare at us*

(Mark at Music Appreciation) "I wrote this song five minutes ago, luckily I'm not wearing my glasses so I can't see you're reactions, so absorb this song, digest it, and do with it-"  RA Dervla: "We might do that at the end!"  Mark:"Ok..."

  • Mark starts beat-boxing*
  • Shane MK Joins in*

Mark: "Chillin' in the quad. Chillin' in the quad. Chillin' in the quad. Chillin' in the quad! Shane: "That was so spontaneous."

"I have an iTouch... Oh, I have an iTouch myself!" - Aisling MG

Jessey: "I'm offended by your language!" Andy: "I'm offended by your face!"


That's what she said.

while at the zoo discussing whether a tiger could be killed with a baseball bat: Barkoe "it couldnt unless it was weilded by like chuck norris" Daniel"chuck norris doesnt hunt tigers with baseball bats.." Edan"..yeah he hunts baseball bats with tigers"

At the Zoo Daniel:I could take on any animal if i had a baseball bat.. Barkoe:..well i could do the same with a gun..

Brian the RA:Why do I see children? Barcoe: Because you're looking at us.

Ciaran: I think snapple bottles were made for jacking off Deco: shut up Ciaran Ciaran: Deco, will you take a picture of my mickey in a snapple bottle?

Diarmaid: Hey Kelsey

Kelsey: Ya

Diarmaid: YOU LICKED A TREE!!!!

Sam: Don't tell dyslexia jokes! Dyslexia jokes are offensive to people who have mild to severe strains of said disorder!  Conor M: On the other

(during candle light ceremony) edan: why the fuck are we singing such depressing songs?!?!?  sam:sunshine lollipops and rainbows-  colm H: -you should all die!!!

(during street spirit mosh) colm H: you guys are all terrible human beings!!!!!:@:@

“It’s what I do; I do something stupid and just say “I’m Laura’s sister. It’s not my fault.” ” – Ciara AG

“ ’specially since I got the first quote. I am the first quote RIGHT !?” – Ciara AG (about how the quote book should be kept safe and unharmed)

“STOP! Stop thinking without telling me what you’re thinking!!” – Marianne

Ash: “Then she said to get up against the wall.”

Marianne: “...”

Ash: “We’re roomies *smirk*”

Marianne: “I’m locking the kitchen door”

Braid: “Walking around in your underwear is extremely comfortable.”

Ash: “...Sorry?”

Braid: “And sleeping on these beds naked is really comfortable”

Ash [Writing out quote above]: “And sleeping in...”

Braid: “ON!”

Ash: “What?!”

“So I told my mum I had a girlfriend and her name is Helena, and the first thing she asked was: “Do you have a sexual relationship with her?” ” – Braid

Marianne: “I need something to hold this door open...”

Ash [mishearing her]: “Hold you girl?”

Braid [Confused]: “Hold your girl open?!”

"It's too long, I can't read all of it." -Ciara AG

"That's what she said..." -Jessie

"What would she be reading?" -Ciara AG

"Instructions." -Jessie

Will: *Drags Flaming Tree away*

Andy/FT: “Do I have to take my clothes off?”

“What? I’m not growling at my hair...*pause* It’s being mean today! ” – Ciara AG

Braid: “I’ll put it in later ‘cause it’s long”

Ash: “Thats what she said!”

Braid: “This is what the next three weeks is going to be, isn’t it?”

Ash: *Raises eyebrows*

Ash: “Yeah, I’ve 27 quotes..”

Braid: “3 of those are me talking about being naked.”

Braid: “Laoishch (Laois)”

Andy: “If you were an orphan you’d get adopted for that.”

Marianne: “Haha, My voice broke when I said that!”

Gunda: “I think I’ve hit puberty Haha [Pause] my balls just dropped”

Andy: “I’m not going to rape you, I want to be your friend.”

Jessie: “That’s what Barney said!”

[Talking about how there are many Helens]

“I’m an Anne Marie. I’m sort of a lone soldier” – Amo

“I didn’t live ON George Orwell, He was dead. ” – Andy

“Did someone just say emo porn? [Pause] I’m sorry, but I would watch that...” – Ciara AG

Andy: “...A prince who hangs out at balls”

Jessie: “I don’t want a prince who hangs out of balls!”

“Yes, that is what she said, and NO I don’t care.” – Ash

“Awh...You’re being mean to the midget” – Dan

“Are you two going to have sex? Because this isn’t the right place” – Andy [About Jessie and Eleanor in the canteen]

“No. I have soup on my crotch. My bra strap is fine” – Andy

“People in concentration camps have been less scared at night!” – Andy [About being Eva’s Roommate]

“Its not fair when I’m up against the wall! I’m a MINOR!” – Jessie

“Smooth like a fox? Have you seen him lately?” – Ash and Andy [Referencing Foxy’s embarrassment moments previous]

[Eva falls over...dramatically ]

“Eva, what colour was it and what did it taste like?” - Andy

Jessie : “What kind of consecration camp is it?”

Andy: “That’s where priests go for fun ”

Eleanor: *Grabs pole* “Tie me!!”

Ash: “Kinky much?”

“Bugger off! I like me in pain! ...Wait...” – Dan

“I just want to make a big E! Is that so much to ask?!” – Donal

“Hey...Look at your shoes! What happened?!” - Ellen [About Dan’s odd converse]

“If you eat a tumour, does it re-attach itself into you?” - John

“Yeah, but now you’ve all started drawing on me and sticking highlighters down my top! I’m screwed!” – Jessie [About her innocence]

"It's a fucking popularity contest!" -some rude american

Ash[Trying to get Jessie’s attention]: “Jezebel!”

Jessie: “Well it’s better than whore, That’s what Eva calls me”

(Colm G, Barcoe and Conor M doing shitty innuendoes based on our clothes): Barcoe: Yeah well Conor I abercrombie'd your mother in fitch! Conor M: Yeah well Colm, I ripped your mother in her curl! Colm G: Barcoe, I preist'd your mother in the judas! Conor M: ....... You can't priest Barcoe's mother, she's not an underage altar boy!

(During drama while playing the freeze game. Conor S is lying on the ground and it his turn to leave when someone shouts freeze) Someone shouts: Conor get up!!! Ciara: Conor can't get up

  • 10 seconds later everyone gets it and laughs*

John: (finishes telling a story of how he burned someone) so maw! JoJo: I'm sorry, what did you just say? Harry, John, Rebecca and Jojo for the rest of the day: yeeehh! nooo! schwaa! so maw!

Foxy: Do you know what I'm confused abo- Conor M: Your sexuality???

Deco on the last night: Why is every one so sad, I mean we at least get to be horny teenagers for a couple years more!


We're from a summer residential sports camp in ucd! Have you ever heard about those weirdoes in...what is it CTYI in dcu They suck

Eva: LESBIANS!!! Everyone Else: *turns around* Eva: See, it works!

French laugh*

Oh no! I caught the vegan! the cells are now travelling into my bloodstream, soon I will be a pale and malnourished mess!




"You can't do anything sexy with a wrist." - John

"NOBODY KNOWS WHO GOKU IS!" - Jessie and Alex, repeatedly



"Oh.... Hi Connor.... We thought you were Molly... Whoops...."

"That's not a vagina, it's an iPod!" - Andy

BESTIALITY FIVE!!! - Molly and Conor M

"Oh no! It's Snapplecide!" - Orla and Mossy

"BLAGH!!!! I lost the Game! BLAGH!!!" -Eleanor

"On the sign, where does it say not to have sex with the animals?" "I think that would come under "irk"."

Orla: "Stop doing that, child!"...*collapses in giggles*


"Bitchin' in the kitchen!" - Paul

I Love those Movies!  What where everyone sleeps together?? No, when everyone sleeps together and then finds out they're related.

"FINGER ME!!!!! ........ No, I meant with the ice-cream."

"Kinky sex! We should film it!" (starts making charades motions) "Film! Three words! Third word?" (points at self) "Marley and Me!!!"

"You put the moisturiser on me to make me slippy, didn't you Eva? No, admit it, it was to make me slippy!"

"Why is there an eel in her uterus?"

"How do you speak troll?"

"Does Bono have dreadlocks?"


Mairead, YA FUCKIN DYKE!!!

Mairead:I've got swine flu. Barcoe:Infection 5! *High 5s her*

'I'm good at lying and making stuff up. I should be a politician!


Ciara "in a high pitched voice": PAUL!!!

"mmmm thats good foetus!"

“The most sinister skipping rhyme EVER!” – Molly

Richie, Cathy and Paul to Conor S - Say "oak"! Say "oak"!

Foxy, Paul, Aine O and Anne-Marie were forced to write a one-minute play for drama activity one evening - this is how we wasted our time (Just imagine us (except for Foxy) using the most boring voices):

Jessie and ellie:I'll show you the biggest erection in europe.

-Foxy: (flailing arms wildly)Aagh! I'm on fire! -Paul: I am also on fire, but that's okay, because my life is full of hatred and angst.


-Aine: Hello, Anne-Marie. -Anne-Marie: Hello, Aine. Anne-Marie starts counting randomly -Anne-Marie: Fifteen Mississippi. Sixteen Mississippi. Seventeen Mississippi... -Aine: Hey, Anne-Marie. I hate to interrupt your Mississippi-ing, but those guys are on fire. -Anne-Marie: Oh, no... What are we going to do? Throws imaginary bucket of water Oh, dear. That didn't work. How are we going to get these poor unfortunate flaming individuals to immediate safety before they...okay, time's up.

Gothic Studies


Ciaran & Barcoe: Ok,if I were bitten by a snake, I wouldn't say "oh my god it was the speckled band!". I'd say "holy shit i just got bitten by a snake!".

waxing isn't that sore, i haven't screamed, AAAAAGHHHHH!!(Megan pulls a strip off his shin) - deco.

do the nosferato! defend yourself clutch your left breast

He's a freakin talking sponge-Sarah/cat woman- referring to sponge bob So what, is it wrong to support drug abuse?-Deco

  • After Deco implys that Barcoe is gay*.

Barcoe:But I have a girlfriend! Deco:Yeah, well... Barcoe:So what's your girlfriend's name? Deco:I don't have one. Barcoe:Exactly!

Ciaran:If I got a gun and shot Barcoe in the head would you be upset? Barcoe:Well I'd be upset.

  • After ciaran dies in a game of mafia*

Ciaran:*falls and croaks*Why do the good die young?

  • During survey*

Sara:What's streaming? Hannah:When the school separates people different academic abilities into different classes. Barcoe: When you seperate the smart kids from the retards.

  • While watching Frankenstein*

Deco: Look at that little girl, she's hurting that kitten, look she's clutching it's throat, I hope she dies! -Frankenstein drowns the little girl and the kitten on the screen runs away- Deco: Yeh!

  • Ciaran stumbles into class clutching his stomach*

Niamh: What's wrong with him? Deco: i was telling him that people can overdose on potassium when they eat too many bananas so he just ate 7 of them in attempts to prove me wrong. Ciaran: *Belches Deco: Aw! banana stench!

  • Deco and Barcoe, conversation about limitations in sugar and salt*

Deco: I love sugar, last night I ate at least three spoons of it at the ends of a bag of jelly tots Barcoe: I prefer salt Deco: well I challenge you to an eat off, at lunch we'll get a bowl worth of each, I'll eat the sugar, you eat the salt and we'll see who can eat more Barcoe: OK, lunchtime then Aoife: salt can kill you one kilo is a lethal dosage Cathy: Yeah and it induces vomiting too Deco: damn, I didn't want him to know that but since it's out in the open, its also what used to make so many pirates insane, when they ran out of water on-board they drank it. Niamh: I suppose that's what happened to you Deco: damn Skippy Barcoe: OK, I'm calling it off, you win!


Corporate Business

Owen: left wing tripe

Ben: hamburger!



Computer Apps

System.out.println  Hello World  For Loops  While Loops  Anything Edan said  Let's Drop!  Ye-Ah!  Innuendo Brace Face!  Score[fish]=happy  LEROY JENKINS bonkers I'M FEELING THIS!

International Relations

"A Mohammed type of democracy" - Eoin

"It's like a childish form of alcoholism" - Daíthí

"Hold on!, we're not done yet!" - Matthew

[About John the RA] "And then he started eating fertiliser" - Diarmaid

"Dope-smoking rastafarians" - Rollo

"For humanitarian reasons" - Joe

"Daithi, just tell me what I did so that I can deny it" - Sean O' D

"The Muslamic people" - Rollo

[To Timeon] "Yeah, but you're the one who should be the most concerned" - Diarmaid

"Tree habitation habit" - Joe

"Yeah, but we havn't shot any missiles since like January" - Patrick

[Hilary (TA) to class]: "If the whole class wants to go, we can go for half of it.", "If half the class wants to go can we go for the whole time" - Yvonne

[Hilary to class]: "Legally, you are all too young to take care of yourselves or live on your own" - "Well I mean, like some children are homeless...they can do it" - Josephine

[About a prison in El Salvador] "So it's like a hotel then" - Patrick

[Hillary (TA) on Women in gangs] - "Seriously, crazy Bi-athch goes nowhere near what they are."

"Mexico has no comments at this time" - Sean F

"Rollo, me talk you quiet" - Hilary

[A few minutes later] "Matthew, what makes you think that only applied to Rollo" - Hilary

[A few more minutes later] "Daíthí, you are no more special than Matthew" - Hilary

"Say no to mahogany toilet seats” – Plydonia

“That would be dictatorial of me....” – Peter Lydon

“Yeah, but we haven’t expelled anyone in ages” - Philip


Everyone hates Maeve Binchy.

"A normal weird boy like John" - Annie

"I've always been vaguely tall..." - Maurice

"That would just turn into a giant gang-bang." - John

"Like you're not going to shock a baby..." - Maurice

"No one's going to get me addicted to being locked in the bathroom for an experiment!!" - Fiona

"You wouldn't know a milk-man unless he was holding milk or leading a cow, or something." - John

"Vee do holf dexercises on dinternet." - Aurora Trif

"He looks like a cross between a sumo wrestler and a jedi...sumo jedi." - John on Maurice

"As long as I can physically go, this will be upon my body." - Gary

"Sometimes it's sleazy, but sometimes it's goddamn sexy." - Mad

"You smell like candyfloss; sorta smoky and sweet, like...barbecued sugar." - Derv

"Everything's in China!" - John

"The funniest things that happen to me involve babies." - Gary

"Gary's too soft and squishy to be a wolf!" Fiona C

"Avril's too quiet; she must be a wolf!"

Fiona (Mediator in the game 'Wolf'): MORNING! Okay, I have some good news, and some bad news. Wait, I have only good news! Firstly, the wolves attempted to kill a townsperson, but they were saved by the Witch. Secondly, the Seer correctly identified a wolf, so Bye-Bye John!  Annie: No, it doesn't work like that!  Fiona: What?  Annie: The Seer doesn't kill the wolves, just uses the fact that they know who they are to sway the others.  John: Thanks for telling her that AFTER I'm dead.  [Later]  Fiona: Okay, let's just elect another wolf. I'll tap the new wolf on the head with my wand.  Megan: But we'll hear you moving around so it'll be easier for us to know who you picked.  Fiona: Fine! Dead people can choose the new wolves! Nightime!  [Everyone closes eyes.]  Fiona: All wolves, open your eyes.  [Wolves open eyes.]  Fiona: Wait, why do we have five wolves instead of four? John, did you tap another wolf?  John: Yeah, you told me to.  Fiona: When?  John: You gave a thumbs up.  Fiona: To tell you we'd chosen a wolf, not to tell you to choose another one!  John: And I was supposed to know that?!  Annie: This wouldn't have happened if I was Mediator!

"I have lots of Chinese babies" -Annie

"I bent it with my knee..yeah." -John

"So we agree that John is a repressed rapist?" -Ailbhe

"I see insect gay pride on O'Connell Street." -John (During the Rorscach Test...)

"NO-ONE looks like a Maurice." -Maeve

"That's a SHIT name." "That's my name.." "...Oh."-Fiona (Alpha)

"I'd love to be a newsreader. You'd forget it all, but you'd still remember it like." -John

"I can make your galaxy EXPLODE." -Ailbhe

"She looks hot. I wouldn't mind..!" -Kylie

"When I have really muscly toes, you'll be sorry." -John

"You just exude asshole." -Maeve

"Tonight is the night I am going to like my wenis." -John

"Sometimes it's sleazy, but sometimes it's goddamn sexy" -Mad

"You know, if someone's rude to you in the shop, and you go out and kick the dog" -Kylie

"KINDERPOPPER- that's the German word for paedophile." -Megan

"So long as our hearts and asses are in, we're good." -Fiona

"She's like a frickin' fat person at a Chinese buffet." -Ailbhe

"Dick van dyke, penis van lesbian, now that's just cruel." -Fiona & Maeve.

"That would just turn into a giant gang bang" -John

"In Monaghan, we talk like dah-dah-dah(upward inflection), in Dublin, we talk like dah-dah-dah (downward inflection." -Maurice

I wanna dance on yourstage." -Fiona

[In monotone]"Somebody said it was Friday and I said...[lower tone] ..oh." -John.

"A normal weird boy like John." -Annie

"It's like a nosebleed of silver." -Derv

"Like you're not gonna shock a baby..." -Ailbhe

"You come up to between my armpits and my nipples." -John

"You could just kick it, or flick it to make it angry.."[It being a baby] -Fiona

"It's communal living, they just pass the baby around.." -Maeve

"Why is it that all the best things that happen to me involve babies?" -Gary

"Toddlers don't elect a leader." -John

"I wonder did Tom Jones realise the significance of "what's new pussycat"" -Maeve

"I like doing children, it's interesting." -Annie

"I feel as though you've just given me AIDS." -John

"I love bangs, it's like BANG! Your hair is exciting!" -Gary

"WAIT! We're not rhubarbing and sponging yet!" -Avril

"Oh, we don't know Eric Clapton's mother's maiden name :( " -John

"Donal was trying to rape Mary Katherine." "But that would be adorable!!!" -Mad

"We don't wear jumpers in my school, because goddamn it my school is HOT." -Gary

"We do it better slowly." -John

"Everytime I yawn, my ribs explode a little bit." -Fiona

"As long as I can physically go, this will be upon my body." -Gary

"He's a guy, he doesn't have a maiden name.." -John

Sports Science

During Pictionary:  House! or Lord of the Rings!

Jody: I drink between 2 and 3 litres of milk a day, is that normal?

Rebecca & Helen: Hey Davidd...:) & Concentration! 1 to 2, 2 to 1, 1 to 2, etc..

Henry: Ronaldo is a fine soccer player..not that kind of fine, the other type..


Rebecca: You can't do anything in that shower!!

Aisling: Who's Brendan?? *Brendan stands up in front of her*


Henry: Ya no I'd shit meself laughing if someone just fucked a brick at him right now, I really would

Henry: I think Roy Keane should have been banned from football forever because he's an ass

Aislinn: Is that because he's from Cork?

Henry: No, it's because he should have been lined up against a wall and shot at birth.

Henry: Stringer is my hero, He's so cool!! I love stringer. I love munster, can i please remind you who won this match?

Henry: I hate Ronan O'Gara, he's such an asshole. He's such a media whore, he's not even that good anymore. You know, they call him Rodge? I hate that name! *looking at Ronan O'Gara kick* Oh look at his asshole head, he's a good kicker I'll give him that. I hate him so much, I'd kill his whole family..Oh look, theres a picture of stringer!!

Henry: Do you know who could use a lightsaber? Stringer!

Henry: George Bush is stupid enough to be distracted by one duck while another duck steals his car..

Henry: *watching a sneezing panda* He's my favourite panda in the world! & *watching videos of a baby getting bitten* Stupid kid, he'll never get in here- You know..Peter Stringer was a baby once...

Henry: My granny got a screwdriver in the eye when she was two, she has a glass eye.

Henry: No i dont talk to my dad, he's fat

Henry: Where would be the best place to shoot yourself to get away with something? What about the shoulder? oh wait what about that big monsterous bone?

Cian: What about your ass?

Henry: Sure that'd never get you off a crime.

Henry: If you get knocked out should you go to hospital, like how long would you be okay for * looks worried*

Aislinn: Elderly people can last 3 weeks

Henry: *cheers up* oh that's good


Jody: AGH! CSF!

Guy on the CPR DVD: Practise using protective gear.

Sorcha: You look, listen and feeel.


Tom: Whoo, you just got a point!

Donal: Charlie the unicorn and his banana dwelling friends


"Are you awake? Someone get and AA-Eeee-Dee!




Donal & Daniel talking about a random movie called Game Mode..


Aislinn: There will be no stealing the dummy for the disco

Project Quotes:

Jody: The ankle is situated in the foot

Henry: I did my project on Brian O'Driscoll, even though i hate him...

"Rafa Nadal and his tendonitis thing"

"Diet for rugby playas"

Tom and Timmy doing their project on the laptop.

Tom, Matthew and Harry: You didn't see anything


Cian: Harry take your hands away from your bloodyface

  • Harry hides behind pad*

Timmy: Can we look at her gluts now Niamh?

Helen & Sorcha's team talk... for 5 year olds- is EPIC


*During the review of womens magazines. Conor and Colm make dirty joke after dirty joke.  Grace: Andrewwww....why am I in a group with them?!

Aine: It may have been a figment of my imagination but does anyone remember the brave little toaster?  Aisling: Yeah! And all the little kitchen appliances!

Ruadhan: I can do it with my fingers if you want!

Sportalians "learning" tape: I thought they just had plastic surgery or something!

Anne Marie's Evanna Lynch article: "One girl said, 'I saw her in Drogheda once. She was wearing boots.'"

Fiona T: "Does Colm O'Reilly have any children? Ya know, like, his SPAWN??!!" *everyone pissing themselves*

'Good Night, And Good Luck.' finishes. Everyone: "EPIC FAIL!!!!!!"

Orla: My toes feel awfully lubricated today. *class goes quiet*

Ciara: Last night, i came at her with a studded belt!!

I hugged an orphan and it giggled.

Aisling: I know someone who looks like buddha..  Aine: what,shes fat and gold?!!?

*discussing the 'meat' at dinner* Yeah,i think its all pigeon. Ruadhan: Pigeon? Isnt

  • Grace and Colm walk in and sit on either side of Sean.

Sean: "...Should I MOVE?"

Anne-Marie's interview of Killian: When asked what he doesn't like about the session Killian laughs and says "The food obviously." Questioning him further he remarks "It's made of dead babies!" The sincerity in his voice when this is said must be noted."

Everyone: BARRYS MA!

Someone in class: Can we interview Barry's Ma?

*looking at newspapers* Aisling: Oh I hate when you see one of those ads with blind people whose eyes are all horrible and you're there with your tea and scone or whatever and you're like, 'I don't need to see that..' *Killian, Grace, Fiona R and Ailbhe giving me looks of shock horror at the cold-heartedness of my remark...*

Conor and Ciara in class looking at the Irish Times: That is a rapist chin!!

More Sportalian tape: Person 1: You look gorgeous in your wedding dress! Person 2: I suffered for 6 months to fit into this!! Everyone: *exchanging looks of wtf?!*

Even more Sportalian tape: Happy Hormones!!!

  • Everyone breaks their shite laughing.*

*Just after Ciara fell off her chair* Conor: Chair fail!!!

Paul: Dumbledore can't die! It's like Santa Claus dying!!!

Somewhere towards the end of Good Night, And Good Luck. Aisling (whispers loudly to Will TA): What's this movie about?? Everyone: *laughs*

*Everyone once in a while in Good Night And Good Luck* Ciara: Dyno-Mite!!!

The whole 'Are YOU Addicted To Porn?' thing in the paper!

Killian: Aine,I think we should just put THE GAME on page three.


Aine: What does Fox stand for?  Colm: Fat Old Xenophobics!!!

  • everyone laughs,coz face it,it fits.*

leads to: "You Fat Old Xenophobe!"

Paul: I hate it when you're right up at the window and someone knocks on it. <shudders>  Aisling: <laughs>

Guy wearing hat and scarf comes into room and takes Andrew's bag Everyone: LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!  Fiona C comes into room Fiona: Okay, that was a psychology test, can we have three volunteers?  Everyone: o_O

Andrew talking to Will (By the way Andrew or Will if you are reading this I'm sorry but it was really funny): Did you manage to get a room for tonight?

Ciara to Ann-Marie: Ann-Marie stop shaving your sock!

Ann-Marie: Knock Knock

Ciara:Who's there?

Ann-Marie:Robert Knox

Ciara:Robert Knox who?

Ann-Marie:Knobert Rox on doors

  • Both descend into hysterics*

Ciara at disco: Ok I've made my impression now get this bow tie off me!!

Orla: Ruadhan why are you straddling two chairs?

Orla (when first brought into the new room):This room...ah...ha...This room does not have chairs that form to ones bottom

Someone in class: Stop waving your dick around Sean Colm:Waving it about willy nilly

Slanted desks FAIL

Paul and Anne-Marie: Here is the church, here is the steeple, open it up... AND NOM ALL THE PPL!!!! Thank you, LOLcats

Anne-Marie: beggars can't be choosers... paul erupts in a fit of hysterics

-Class listening as Andrew reads 'How To Make Him Love You in 10 Easy Steps' or something in a teen magazine.... Andrew: At a party, strike up a conversation to get him talking. It could be something as small as "where's the bathroom?" A few minutes later when the hysterics have died down...Anne Marie asks to use the bathroom... Andrew: Yeah, sure Anne Marie: Um, do you know where it is???

  • tears of laughter rolling down cheeks follow...*

Gangsta Farmer in the Irish Times

Aine: I didn't climb my way to the top of the food chain to eat grass!

Colm (wearing flip glasses): w00pw00pw00pw00pw00p!

Paul (on censorship project): By the way, a lot of these 'offending' countries are communist - just sayin'...

Superhero Science

Dermot: It's over 9000!!! Everyone: Shut up dermot!!

Jessi: Everyone keeps dying...its getting really annoying.

Richie: I've basically been appointed as the leading mind in diamond platypodes.

Richie: My god! It's beautiful! And to think it was made with only a fraction of nature's resources and a bunch of idiots! (reffering to the cardboard & tinfoil platypus made in crafts.)

Stuart: To be fair now, to be fair to be fair....

Mairead: I'm not a dyke! Except for my girlfriend.

Vicky: It's like asking what you'd do if you were God.  Richie: "IF"?

Maurice: DY-NO-MYTE!

Daniel: (rubbing mouth) Sarah, just get on with your essay, and maybe try to avoid making my gums bleed for the rest of study.

Everyone: Superman is a big blue boy scout!

Vicky: I'll give this twenty cent to the best stupid thing you can say in the next 20 seconds.  Richie: The Bush administration had the right idea! *Vicky tosses twenty cent to him in fits of laughter*

Richie:*halfway through debate, to team* Okay guys, if it keeps going this way, I'll take off my shirt and set fire to myself. In the confusion we will claim victory!

Richie: Cake! Cake! There will be cake! I will show you cake!

Everyone: Superman is a plant!!

Daron: Well, I dont know much about comics, because I read real books. Stuart: Wow. First day and you've shot yourself in the foot.

Emily: So in the test, when the platypus presses the red button, we release the velociraptor!

Sam: Mairead, you and your zombie Hitler fetishes....

Sam: Mairead, three words; We. Are. Omnivores.

Richie: Sarah! Lex Luthor pose!

Richie: Master Chief never was, is not and never will be a super hero!

Richie+Sarah: Bzzzzzzzzzz!!!

Megan Ross (from Superhero Science '08, pops head into the classroom): Do my ears deceive me or did I hear 'Tezcatalopoco'? Emily must be back.

Sam: Agumon is totally a super hero!!

*during debate* Callum: If a superhero can only be someone who was born or biologically altered, then what are zombies?

Sam:............ Stuart, come on, we can't count that as a question!!

Callum: Colin, by your logic, is mother teresa a superhero?

Colin: who even said that?!?!

Sarah: I love the one with the incest!!

Sam: Emily!! This is a science class!! We are not here to hear hair-brained theories about ninja velociraptors God damn you!!!:@

Sam: Wait..... so dark matter could be giant pink elephants?? CALLUM GET OUT FROM UNDER THE PINK ELEPHANTS FOOT!!

Emily: Yes, possibly, but honestly speaking, the Sam-elephant-theory is not the most widely accepted theory in the physics world.

Colin: I am... CITRUS!!  Richie: What's your superpower?  Colin: Being mildly to extremely acidic and yellow, depending on how angry I am.

Sam: Indominable crane!!!

Mairead:....... can we just forget about the movie and go play ddr?

Darren: Supposedly......  Sam: NO!! It's not supposedly! IT IS A WIDELY ACCEPTED FACT!!!  Emily: Ok, no-one talk to Sam, he seems to be having a mini breakdown.

Emily: Now I'll show you how to use a chatterbot.

Callum: Can we break smarterchild?!?!?!

Colin: Well, mosses and funghi have been known to don a cape and fly about saving people, and what have you.

Journalism lecture

The following are notes taken by Ctyizens during the speeches of several guests at the journalism lecture

notes taken from Eamonn Ryan  1 Moonlanding=Good 2 Eamonn Ryan=old 3 We must fix the polar bear problem 4 Water is challenging 5 Digital green international relations=future 6 Democracy=crises 7 more papparazzi 8 dont trust politicians 9 Propanganda=Good 10 Leo Enright=Gay? 11 wearing clashing suit=not gay 12 Hilarious voice 13 hasnt aged well 14 space=Awesome (see point 1) 15 Disconnected topics 16 Journalism=shit 17 £1,000,000,000=free 18 free=bad 19 high def journalism is gone! 20 and so did tabloids inherit the earth 21 super-Hilarious voice 22 freedom of information is bad 23 newspapers are freinds with walls 24 "Save my job!,Stop using the internet!,repent! 25 everything is the current generations fault

Write, Act, Perform

Scenes we'd like to see

Pokemon:  Dan - Wild paedophile encountered in grass!!  Dan - For the love of God, DON'T TRY FISHING!!!  Jim - Jigglypuff, I want to hear ALL of your song  Conor M - This is my grandson. He has been your rival since birth..... I remember his name!! 

Harry Potter:  Jessie - I was Prof. Quirell but I am now Lord..... of the Dance!!! 

James Bond:  Jim - No super sexy foreign spy I don't want to have sex with you.... I want to discuss my poetry!  Ash - Ah, but I will foil your plan because I have a...... oh shit, its in my other trousers.

WAP Play:  Conor S - Coherent Plot!  Conor M - I'm a character with depth!  A MEOW!!!!!!!!

Lord of the Rings:  Eva - Frodo, some people say your small..... but I think your just the right height!!  Conor M - Hey.... hey aragorn! See that female elf... I'd put my ring into her mount doom!!

Things you wouldn't hear in Gothic Studies: "We're all out of eyeliner!" Conor S - I'm going to wear a colourful t-shirt today!!!  "I have a girlfriend!!"  "I'm comfortable with my sexuality!!"  Molly: Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, lemon drops.....  Conor M: Wearing black gets so boring after a while.... 

Brian: Ok, guys. Things you wouldn't hear in a fantasy movie.  Conor M: When you say fantasy....  Brian: NO!!!! 

Star Wars:  Haggis: Princess Leia, you're my sister..... But thats not an obstacle! 

Late Late Show: "Welcome to the late late show... after hours!"-Eva "Pat Kenny just starts slowly unbuttoning his shirt..."-Brian (The TA!!)

Obamas speeches:

Haggis: Sarah Palin, you know you would



---Grace and Paul walk in to review WAP for the newspaper.--- "GRACE!!!" *clapping ensues* ---Grace and Paul leave classroom--- *round of applause*

“Art is painful! Existential Eva, you should know that ” –

“He IS America!!!” – Maria [About poem]

“If you don’t like poetry it’s always going to be pain” – Andy/FT

“Its not really pain... They make it into TV pain” – Ciara AG

“Wait, wasn’t he like some asshole who thought he like owned Peru?” – Eva

"Finger Me!!!!"-Eleanor to Jessie, for ice-cream.

"If I were a plant I'd be a Big Mac, If I were a drink I'd be; a Big Mac!" Ciara, Jessie and Ash about Brian Cowen.

"Jessie... what rhymes with hat?....... Oh!! I know" A CAT!!!!!!" Ciara

[Word association with rose]



Eva: “Thorn”

Andy: “What kind of porn have you been watching?”

“There’s another word...I don’t know if I should use it... “Whore”... ” – Maria (WAP instructor)

“Cause he thinks he’s awesome! He’s like “I went out with her for a few months. She left me” Whatever!” – Jack [About poet]

““I set her on my pacing steed” well...we’ll say no more...*Nods* Yes it’s in there. Who said poetry isn’t cool? ” – Maria

Maria [about poem Kubla Khan]: “There was a knock on the door. And who was it?”

Andy: “Kubla Khan?”

Maria: “It was the postman.”

“So, instead of wink murder, it’s wink murder by Kubla Khan.” - Andy [About games related to the current class topic]

Haggis: “Trees can’t fight back”

Jack: “Have you seen Lord of the Rings?”

[Class talking about Men, Women, babies etc...] “But...What about the stork?” - Jessie

[Drama games in study. Each person must point at someone and say “you”. That person must do the same, louder. It gets louder each time. ] You






Jessie: “Me?”

“Your names not Timmy is it? ” -Eleanor [to Foxy]

“Nudists, Junkies, Babies – All you need.” – Andy

[Word Association]

“Young Man”

“Old Man”

Ash: “Gay Porn”

Andy: “John King”

[Word association]

“Big foot”

“Little Foot”

Marianne: “Cardboard box”

[Word Association]


“Epic Fail!”


Maria: “Out of observation, who’s missing? ”

Foxy: “Eleanor and Eva”

Ash: “That’s not out of observation, that’s hearing”

Andy: "Maria, they asked me how much a French prostitute cost! How am I supposed to know?! How much does one cost? (joking)"



Maria:"I wouldn't have to pay."

“Well, I think that was a fairly sexual death” – Andy [During the vampire game]

[During Vampire game]

“Take Dippy!!” - Jim

Maria [randomly during class]: “Oh, thats my bike”

Jessie: “Someone stole your bike?!”

Jim : “I am a massive mahogany and leather-”

Eleanor: “Barack Obama”

Jim: “God I hate you!”

Maria: “A number between 1 and 20”

Mary: “74!!”

“All I heard is “If I don’t keep coming out of my mouth I’ll explode”” – Ash

“That would be such a depressing poetry walk. That’s like the poetry walk gothic studies would have” – Andy

Eva: “What rhymes with interrogation?”

Eleanor: “Mastur-”

Maria[About Eva’s poem]: “Now, That was a nice narrative poem there”

Andy: “It made the sky cry”

Helen - Oh look, a fly! 

Conor M: Salem witch hunts . . . . the ultimate tale of sexual frustration!!!


Andy: Audrey Hepburns got nothing on me

Vet Science

(talking about the meaning of embryotomy wire)

Eimear(teacher):so you have to put them to sleep and cut them up because their stuck there.

Rachel:Oh, so they won't be alive then ?

"If at first you dont succeed, kittens die."


Emma:" Why can't the horse just die"

Debate Time

"Happy Cows !"

"Are YOU wearing your CAPE ?"


"guys,guys,guys . . I've got a good point :are you wearing your UNDERWEAR ?"

"Humans ARE animals !"

(picking sides) Niamh M :Why does mine say 'D' ?

everyone: Turn it around !

Niamh M: 'A' Oh ! That makes more sense !

Eimear (teacher): We have to watch a movie that is related to Vet. Science

Marley and Me it is then !

in UCD: Everything is good for you in moderation...even heroin!

Re-union quotes

Kevin: Where are you guys going?

Izzy: the rocks!

Kevin: Don't go there, it's full of skangers.

Gingey: No, you're over here.

<Aisling Mc goes into Chicago>

Izzy: Last night, I saw Chicago. It was epic!

Edmond: Last night, I was at a party. It was epic!

Izzy: <starts bouncing up and down>

Edmond: Last night, I raped someone. It was epic!

Izzy: <bounces faster>

Ruari: <Puts hand on Izzy's head and tries to stop her bouncing. He can't> Aaah! I can't control her epicness! Naoise, do something!

Naoise: Last night, I was in school! It was really not epic...

Izzy: <stops bouncing>

<Naoise and Alexis are looking for caoimhe> Naoise: To find a caoimhe, we must think like one!

Alexis: If I was a little blond emo, yea high, with a sidefringe, where would I go?

<locks eyes with Naoise>

Alexis: <whisper> mcdonalds!