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Quotes 2009

As per usual, chaps, please enter your quotes into the right section. If anybody would get the joke, stick it into 'General Interest'; if only you and a group of friends would get it, pop it into 'In-Jokes'.

TalesOfTheQuad.com would like to remind you to ACTUALLY FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE PLEASE. Some quotes which make no sense to the general population have been moved to the In-Jokes section, in the faint hopes that they make sense to SOMEBODY. Likewise, only in-jokes should be put in the in-jokes section.

Session 1

General Interest

RAs

QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE EPICEST FAILS IN CTYI HISTORY!

At the Closing Ceremony, Patrick brings down a birthday cake for Colm in the Larkin with massive sparklers on the top. Fire alarm goes off for about 20 mins and fire brigade, ambulance and police come in. What must the parents think? Then the RA's couldn't get the slideshow working for about 15 mins then when the video of the RA's singing comes on, the picture gets stuck. EPIC FAIL.


Wilim - Team?

Wilim's RA Group - AWESOME!!! (Wilim's RA Group were otherwise known as "Team Awesome"...if you didn't already catch that.)

Fulcher - Team?

Kerri's RA Group - BETTER!!!

Wilim's group - TEAM BEST!!

Kerri's Group - TEAM BESTER!!

Wilim's Group - STOP! GRAMMARTIME!!!

'Vicky the RA's Theme Tune (sung to the tune of 'Mickey'):


OH VICKY YOU'RE SO FINE!

YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND!

HEY VICKY!!!

[clap clap clap clap]

HEY VICKY!!!

[clap clap clap clap]

- This was originally created on the first day in music appreciation by Jacko about Vicky the RA, leading to his adoption by the RA group and the declaration that it would be her theme tune and played at every disco.

- It was often mistakenly sung as "Hey Vicky you're so fine......"

Aisling Mc: What are we doing now?

Wilim: We're watching Pride and Prejudice.

Aisling: Woo! Wait, what?

Wilim-Bring you're calculators, we're watching Pride and Prejudice!

Wilim (Referring to the two groups in arts and crafts) We have to swap. In here it's like, 'Oh, how are you? I saw you in Venice!', but in there, it's like 'Graah! Give me your face!!'

(On the last night Ben, Brian, Steven F, Richard, Ruadhan, Gavin, Diggy and others at dead end on bottom floor at door 4 panned out in corridor with food - RA Shane enters) Oi!!! lads get into bed....(sees food and sits down)....give me a mars bar would ya

Same night- RA Shane: Oh lads my phone is broken! it wont work anymore! you can break it more if ye want.... Brian A takes it off him and smashes it across the corridor at the wall.... Brian A: lets all take a piece for souveniers- Brian got buttons....Diggy got the chip....Ben got the camera and RA Shane got the screen

Wilim (at Arts and Crafts): You can use the paints and things

Edmond: But there'r no more brushes!

Wilim: Edmond can finger paint!

John - What does that mean? Does anyone know about stuff?


John:SOULJA BOY UP IN THIS HOOOO!


Deirdre: Watch out for Sportalians!


Wilim: I AM A PEDESTRIAN! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!


Martin: (referring to the mic at the talent show) Get that thing out of my face!

Everybody: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

(during the stocks activity)John: Oh, Vicky your stock's so fine, your stock's so fine you blow my mind, hey Vicky.


John - That IS Soulja Boy!!


Aisling Mc - We need to have a Karaoke!

Kerri - It's not karaoke, it's KERRIoke!!!

Papa Wilim!!!!

Wilim: Stop it or I'll stand up. And then you can't reach it.


John - "Line up lads so I can count ye...if you've any food give it to me and I'll mind it...*making air quotation marks* MIND IT"

(and then Madi's impersonation)


john(to Alexis):Sorry what part of America did you say you're from again?

(Everyone laughs)

Alexis:I'M FROM CAVAN!



John: And now in no particular order, except ofr starting at the bottom and working our way up.. Wilim: You know what an anti-hero is? The sister of your mother or father.



(after the politically correct storytales)

John: Now, on to bed you lot. You've had your bed-time stories, so you'll sleep well

Wilim: Goodnight children

Caoimhe: Papa Wilim!! *everyone rushes over and hugs Wilim*

Wilim: Go to bed, children, or I'll tell Mama you were up late.



Shane (in the interactive video): Hmmm.. I quite enjoy rooves..

Wilim - Right, well, see the thing is that we spent so long trying to get the sound working that we don't have enough time to watch the movie, but how about we just mess around on youtube for an hour?



Caoimhe: Wilim, you should have a band! What would you call it?

Wilim: I'd call my band Wilimland.

Ayshan: What would you call your first album?

Wilim: "In the Land of Wilim".

Caoimhe: And the second?

Wilim: "Spllleehhhh". Oisín: Love you Wilim!

Wilim: Love you too, baby.



(In the interactive video)

Wilim: Well, you see, I was up in my room... When this bandit came down, so I kicked him... And it was all like aargh! and stuff, and stuff.... And there were all these bubbles everywhere!

Colm: Well yes, that sounds reasonable.



Cliodhna + Maeve: We know that's your real hair, Wilim!

Wilim: *scary/creepy/disturbing face* Jealousy is an ugly thing..



Cliodhna + Maeve: Wilim, The only thing you have in excess is your hair!

Wilim: Get back under your bridge, trolls, you've no power here!



Caoimhe: Papa Wilim, you're the best!

Vicky: Oh no! What did you do?! (the table is covered in green paint)I'm sure Catríona will be pleased *goes off to get tissue*

Brian: Don't worry, just cover it over with brown paint!



Nuala: Poker is on this evening but you may not gamble for money, clothes or sexual favours.



Willim: Can you sprint with a dislocated kneecap?

Brian: Yeah, but with the other leg.



On the 4th of July, Willim goes outside Grattan's room and plays Star Spangled Banner on electric guitar at 8 in the morning.



Aisling Mc: You know what I want to be when I'm older? An RA.

John:*appears from no-where* Yes, you do!



John:And just remember;you're "crankin' it"



Allan:They locked me in their kitchen for twenty minutes!

Wilim:Then get back in there.

Wilim:At approximately 7.15 pm this afternoon there was a freak gravitational incidident. Unfortunately, it was concentrated in your room.



Wilim:Be quiet or else the gravity fairies will pay you a visit again.


Students

(During the Talent Show, Ryan and Maeve hijacked the show and kidnapped hosts Adam and Luke)

Adam: They beat us, tied us up and tried to have sex with us!

Maeve: And we succeeded!



Orla: Trust me, trust me! I'm a "doctcor"! (Note: This is not a typo, Orla MADE A MISTAKE leave her alone! :L)



(At the site office on the 3rd last day)

Gavin T: I bring money.

Aisling: I bring money AND photos, so ha!

Freddy: I have money and I have brownies

Aisling: Curse you..

Freddy: I also have softmints and polos.

Paddy: (mishears Polos for photos) Oh great!! I'll take them off your hands and put them in the computer!

Gavin and Aisling: ..?

Freddy: *offers Paddy a polo*

Paddy: *realises his mistake* Well, I can't refuse these either, can I?



Name of Winning Team in Table Quiz : The Hoff's Whores



Alan: SPOILER! The Mongoose dies!

(several minutes later in the interactive video)

'Oh no! The mongoose has died!'




  • Edmond puts his cardkey in Caoimhe's bandana over her eye*

Edmond - Now you can't see!

Caoimhe - And I can get into your room.

Edmond - Oh yeah.

Caoimhe - But we'd get expelled, you know, 'cause of the boy's room thing?

Izzy - It'd be worth it though.

Edmond - What? Did you just say it would be worth getting expelled to get into my room?

Izzy - *dies and buries head in knees*

Boaz - That's what's known as a Freudian slip, Izzy. It's okay, we understand.



Izzy: More speed, less haste!

Edmond: More speed, less AIDs?



Alan: Why would you make robots French? Why would you, by nature, make a robot inherently give themselves up?



Ruairí: A day in the life of Ruairí: Pillage, pillage, rape, pillage.

(Then Shane MK): A day in the life of Shane: Murder, murder, suicide, murder.



Ginger Kevin: Join our floorgy! We'll get girls eventually!



Ruairí: You see, if I bring a cake out into CTYI, I get mauled by students. If I go out normally, I get mauled by skobies and if I go out to town in a dressing gown, I get mauled by paedophiles.



Alan: (Reasons for Wolverine being the greatest superhero) He doesn't stay dead, unlike SOME people! *cough* Superman.


Gingey - (Dracula accent) Do you vant a pizza?

Aisling Mc - That sounded like Count von Count!

Izzy - One! Ah ah ah! Two! Ah ah ah!

Aisling Mc - Let us count how many pepporini are on this pizza!

Gingey - One spagetthi! Two spagetthi!

Aisling Mc - Ah ah ah!



Aedín coming back from being presented her certificate at closing ceremony.

Madi: I screamed so hard when you came!



Kevin: Boaz took LSD!

Some guy: What's a Boaz?



Alexis: Why would I give you an order to touch my girlfriends arse?



Ciarán (Gingey): I'm wearing purple socks.

Izzy: Purple socks on a boy means an unfulfilled sex life.

Gingey: They're actually black (embarrassed look).



Diarmaid: Jackson (Shane) has hit rock bottom and he's still digging.



Gavin: If he was any more inbred, he'd be in a sandwich.



Shane MK: The new response to Old Man is now Half My Harddrive.



Louise: The answer is that the Big Easy is New Orleans.

Shane MK: Or what's left of it!



Gavin: (to Jenny) Pakistan is NOT the capital of Afghanistan!

Steven: It is now!




Michael: Someone here must have a serious gastrointestinal problem because that bathroom stinks! It should be labelled biohazard!



(During Labyrinth) Your mother is a fraggin aardvark!



Emer: If I had been any more laid back about the Junior Cert, I would have been horizontal.



Gavin: Emer, 11 people have seen your video on YouTube already.

Emer: Oh my God, 11 people have watched me shaming myself!

Cian: Did you say shaving yourself?!

Emer: SHAMING MYSELF!



Danny in Hairspray: Life with out love is like Alexis, only quiet.

Danny: RAWR!!! that means i love you in dinosaur!



Madi:I think the dude from Kings of Leon meant something else when the called it 'Sex on Fire'.

Fiona: What?

Madi: Well, think about it. He could mean like, the girl or boy sex...

Madi and Fiona: WOOOOOOAAAAAAAHH! YOUR GENDER'S ON FIIIRE!

Ryan: So what are we gonna do to get points!?


  • long silence*

Danny: GOB THE B*ITCHES! and then looks at the board, discovers that there is 5 points for a fridgit meet and rephrases: Screw that, GOB THE FRIDGITS!

Orla: whats that smell? Danny: (to orla) smells like a minger.



Caoimhe: Whaen Wilim said penis, that was the day I grew up and became a woman.


Kevin: That's it, you're getting raped. Stay still.




Ruairí: Goddamn it Mook, why aren't you dressed formal!?

Youngmook: Is it my fault I'm poor?!



Ruarí (on every occasion): OMNOMNOM!! *hugs people viciously*



Caoimhe: (in regards to the points game) Jesus must be destroyed! But not next year please!



Caoimhe:I'm a bisexual

Gingey:Cause it's the beeeest of both worlds!



Gingey: You know, you can't rape Izzy over the phone.

Caoimhe: Where there's a will, there's a way.



Izzy: NO CAOIMHE! I DID NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!

Caoimhe: Stop denying it, Izzy. We both know what happened last night.



(at disco)Izzy, Aising Mc, Gingey, Cíara, Naoise: Hey! She wants to take you to a gay bar! *all point at caoimhe*



Ruarí: Well I guess there's some things in life that you're never going to know-

Izzy: For everything else, there's Mastercard.



Eoin D & Ruarí (When they saw each other): MIDGET HUG!!



Oisin C: This is Conor Maguire, my right-wing, ultra conservative, highly orthodox, rigid, devout, die-hard, Catholic friend.

Conor M:You forgot fundamentalist.

(After watching The Hangover) (Long silence)

Shane MK: You didn't like one bit of that did you Conor?

Conor M:Not one bit! It had all sorts of vices and bestiality in it!



Gavin: Why does everyone associate black with racism?

Edmond: I don't, I associate it with black people.



Gavin: How can you mix up Black people and chocolate- OMG a floorgy!



Charlotte: Wait, if avocado means testicle, than what's guacamole?



Madi took food from Yvanne.

Yvanne: hey, hey! you had dinner! You're a whore, actually!



Kevin B: *reads Eee PC advert* "Fun at your finger tips." That's what she said!



Shane Moran-Kelly: *talking to Kevin B* You're such a player.

Kevin B: I'm not really a player.

Shane Moran-Kelly: Yes you are!

Kevin B: Well, I try to be a player.



Michael McDonald: *high pitched voice* Take it off! Take it ALL off!



Aisling McCabe: Can we go before I get any more violated-

Izzy: NO!



Ruadhan: Which way does the swastika go? This way or that way?


Ruairí: Super Smash Balls! *punches someone in balls*




(In a group hug) Shane J: I feel tall

Alan: I feel violated.

[During Gay Pride weekend James Dolan, Shane Moran-Kelly, Michael McDonald and Gavin Tucker dressed up with bunny ears, pink headscarves and fluffy whistles and chained themselves together with pink handcuffs for the disco]

All of them: We are the straight bunnies for gay rights!



(On the "Ammo" crackdown)

Edward M: Random searching, my ass!

Eoin D: Randomly searching my ass?



Writing for Life Broadsheet: Conor Maguire puts the FUN in FUNDAMENTALISM!



Social Psych Class: NOTHING ..... but shorts!



Alexis, talking to a four year old boy: Would you like some sweets?

Small Boy: No.. *runs away*



Caoimhe: Bye Auntie! *hugs her aunt*

Gingey: Bye Auntie! *hugs Caoimhe's aunt



Ruairí talking to a 4 year old girl: COME HERE

Little girl:AAAAAAAAAA [RUNS]

Ruairí:Damn could have scored some points.


Alexis: I'm a newbie! I'm not a f***ing commuter! I have rights! I am a human being! - while he tried to convince members of the esteemed Legal Studies class of Session 1 '08 that he had the right to change the Constitution

Alexis (at bodies exhibition): Caoimhe, are there any lesbian bars near here?

Caoimhe: And you want to know because...?



Yvanne: I'm gidly slippered!



All the RA's: Sound!



Yvanne: I'm HI-larious!!



Ruairí: Hey look, you're camera has an Islam setting.

Aisling: That's Night-mode-

Ruairí: No but look, it has a moon and a star.



Izzy (in the circle place): Let's Orate!

Karla: Is that like rating the RAs or something?



Yvanne: It's July in 20 seconds!

Fiona: *clambours on to desk* oooh!


  • midnites comes and goes*

Fiona: Well? *out open window in to Quad*


  • lady smoking in Quad runs away*

Yvanne: Woops! *jumps off desk to avoid being hit in the eye with stray ash*



Yvanne: *.... all I wanna do it get off ...* Fiona: Emmmmmmmmm Yvanne: I'm listening to the Dandy Warhols I swear!!! Fiona: You need to NOT do that!

Yvanne: I really need to stop thinking that people in positions of authority are my friends


  • At the first RA meeting.

Shane: Can I trust you not to wreck the room for a few minutes while I go and look for these guys?

Everyone: No!




RA Shane: Anyone have any questions about me?

(silence)

Ruairí: What hair gel do you use?

Shane: Brylcream Extra.

Brian A: CHEAP!!!!!



Karla: Do you want this apple tart?

Declan(with his mouth full of tart): I already have two!

Jacko: *at RA meeting* I wish someone would send me a letter... Vicky: But you're a commuter Jacko: I know...but i'm more likely to get one here than at home...i'm unloved



Niamh G - Cian and Wilim are totally having an affair!

Aisling Mc - How?

Niamh G - Cian asked Wilim to go to the bathrom. They were gone for half an hour! When they returned, Cian changed his shoes and Wilim checked his fly!



Someone - I LOST THE GAME!

Yutaka - I'm not a Thegamist

Izzy - A what?

Yutaka - A Thegamist. Someone wrote 'The Game' on a blackboard once and I thought it said 'Thegame'.



Aisling: (in Airfield) You know what'd be funny, if there was a person in the next field!

  • as we approach the next field, an old man stands up inside it*

Question in the quiz: Would you let this man onto a bus? (Picture of Willim dancing)

Cormac's team: What man?


Another quiz question: What does House take for pain relief?

Some team: Viagra.



Jesus/Aoife: (To a two year old) I WANT TO EAT YOU!



Jamie: My chicken just squirted juices.

Alley: That means you're doing it right.



Conor M (to practically everything anyone ever said against Christianity): AAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! LEFT-WING DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!



Izzy: *is juggling*

Child: *spots her juggling, tries to grab a ball and bursts out crying.

Caoimhe and Conor: Izzy made a child cry!!



Gingey: Don't kill yourself, you'll live to regret it.



Fiona Tuite: So, Conor, as a religious person, what do you think of homosexuality?

Conor M: Are you a lesbian?

Fiona: No.

Conor: Do you have close relatives who are gay?

Fiona: Yeah.

Conor: Oh.

(Conor proceeds to run away, very very fast.)



Caoimhe (in Airfield): We don't need a map! We'll ask a sheep for directions!



Michael O'Dwyer: I wish I had a petticoat...



Allan Kilroy-Glynn: We are ELMO!

All of Speculative Fiction Class: And We are LEGION!




Gavin: Oh no! I had a rock up my ass!

Caoimhe: That's what SHE said!



Adam: OMG Where are you putting that?!

Daire: That's what she said.

Jacko: Oh yeah, Necrophelia is great...Until rigormortis sets in and its like, "Oh Sh*t! I'm stuck inside a dead guy's *ss!"



Kevin Fogarty (to R.A Willim): Thy "Wilim" be done!

Conor Maguire: HERETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!



Eoin D *picks up Steve Foley and runs*

Steeve Foley: Wait!? What!? Where are we going!?

Shane J: No! My Steve! *picks up Steve and runs*

Steeve Foley: What!? Oh no not again! (Repeated on several occasions with some variations)

Steeve f: dont come any closer; I'll use violence! David: no you wont! Steeve: Dammit i know! im so helpless!



Karla - *Gets Ruairi by the wrists and pulls him behind the vending machines*

Aisling Mc- *Quietly, when Karla returns* What did you do to him?

Karla - I gave him a packet of Polos and told him to wait there.

(Other guys were freaking out)



(Aisling Mc's hat falls off. Fionn steals and runs off. Ruari chases and hunts down.)

Aisling: Hooray for bodyguards!



Kevin: I'm usually a stupidity magnet.

Aisling: You ARE a stupidity magnet!

Kevin: Stop grass-raping me!

Ruairi:The state is on my head, therefore I am head of state!! (During the invasion of the state of Eointopia one faithful Thursday afternoon and in reference to a towel on his head)



Eoin D:I seem to have misplaced my country (again in reference to a missing towel but slightly later on that fateful Thursday)

Eoin D: I'm a man in a bathrobe with no shoes on. I need my country!



Edward M: And so it happened, for it is written...

Angela S: Where?

Edward M: ...On my hand



Orla: Jamie, what's your surname?

Jamie: Speiran.

Orla: Sperm?!

Declan:(in reference to snapple collection)Its not an addiction its.... ok maybe its an addiction

Jacko: I'm like a love communist...i love everyone equally *sleazy grin* but some people more equally

Adam, Paurig, and David: Bollocks!! (said repeatadly on pirate night)

Holly and Alley running round the quad getting guys to lift up their trouser legs [White socks]: You pass!!! [Any other colour]: You fail!!

Aisling McC: "Did you know that a load of Pokémon were inspired by insects? Like Krabby!" Wolfie, Scotty, Éamon, Fulcher: -laughter-



(Ruairí runs over and jumps on Alexis and Caoimhe, who are rolling around on the ground)

Conor M: Oh my god, sodomy! <covers his eyes>

David? I think so: I did your mom.

David: A favour.

David: BY MAKING YOU!

David: A sandwich.


David C: We almost did it Steve!

Steve F: Yeah, we made it half way to the bed.



Dawn: Slide in there Thomas.



Kevin F: Why are you fingering the ground?



Alison: The banana is too big for the hole!



Jebet: A stick just went up my ass!



Steve F: Stupid vibrator.



Alison: Oops, I went inside myself!



Emer H: I paid €3 and it went for 40 minutes but I forgot to put the stuff in...



Alison: It's green and fluffy and seems to be excreting some sort of slime.

Michael: Hey, don't bring my mother into this!

Alexis: <starts harassing Naoise> Naoise: So Alexis, are you bisexual as well? Caoimhe: No, I'm bi, he's curious!

Michael Jackson Jokes

These were all made up by CTYI students about five minutes after we heard Michael Jackson died.



Shane J: Michael Jackson is one of the few people who won't decompose as he is made of 90% plastic.



Shane J: Michael Jackson has donated his body to science. He will now be on display in the National Wax Museum.

Shane J: The only difference between Michael Jackson and a Barbie doll is that children don't run from a Barbie doll.



Shane J: Michael Jackson will be recycled into 86 Barbie dolls.. who like children!



Alexis: Michael Jackson died in a children's ward while attempting a world record.



Shane: Don't worry about Michael, he's going to come back in a few months with a plastic heart.



Fergus: Don't worry he'll be on eBay in a while in his original packaging.



Shane J: (during the treasure hunt) Aargh! If it weren't for ye, Michael Jackson be dead a virgin!



Shane J: Can someone tell me? Is Michael Jackson going to have a funeral or is he just going to be recycled?



Darragh M:They say it wasn't the first heart attack that killed Michael,it was the second from when he got to the hospital and discovered there wasn't a childrens ward!


Darragh M:What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson? Alex Ferguson will be playing Giggs next September!


In-Jokes

General

Conor: Have a bear tumbling down a hill!!


Gingey (Ciaran): Miguel's Mother!

Miguel (in his tiny, high pitched voice): YOUR mother!


Eoin D: Can you impersonate David Attenborough?




(a little girl walks by with a puppy)

Caoimhe: What a cute little dog!

Aisling Mc: Do you mean the girl or the dog?

Caoimhe: .........Both.



Ruairí:*places rock on Caoimhe's head*

Caoimhe: *picks up rock and throws it aside. While making out*



* In Labyrinth:

Passing character: Your mother is a fragging aardvark!!



David Bowie: Let me rule you!



David Bowie: In 9 hours and 23 minutes, you will be mine.



Sarah: I must go alone. For that is how it done, face to face.



Rory: Alexis! F**k off!



Naoise: Wilim likes blowing on things.



Freddie: MANHUNT!

Someone else: EMER!


Aisling Mc and Caoimhe: *to the tune of Where is Shadow?* Where o where o where is Edmond? Where o where o where is Edmond? Where o where o where is Edmond? Where can Edmond be? Edmond!! (Edmond pops up five rows behind)

Caoimhe (with Izzy and Aisling in Airfield): We're fwatwernal twiplets!


Ruairí: Your mother's father's mother's da!


Izzy: *is reading the quote book* That quote reminds me of Bridget.

Aisling: So basically, anything that includes violation reminds you of Bridet?


  • Just to let everyone know, Karla absolutely despised Kevin for reasons we will never understand. infact, we didnt realy understand Karla that much either.

Karla: Shut up Kevin.


Karla: Friends, peers, Kev.


Karla: (happy face)Hi Kev! What course you switching to?

Kevin: War and Conflict.

Karla: NOT MY CLASS! (starts laughing)

Kevin: do you just laugh after every sentence you say?

Karla: Yes! HAHAHAHA

  • Niamh and Karla*

Karla(to Niamh):Look at us,we're proving the whole:'two blonde stereotypes in college' thing


Karla:Wait, i think they're whispering Niamh:People don't whisper like that!


Karla:MILK!!!!Now where's the cereal?


Karla:Do you've a mirror? Niamh:If only we had Declans glasses


  • Niamh and Allan discussing Labyrinth*Niamh:I don't remember much of that movie....



Fiona and Madi walk over to Jack.

Fiona: Jack, we have something to tell you, but please do not get freaked out, or upset.

Jack: Okaaaay.. (getting slightly freaked out)

Madi: Well, I guess I'll just spit it out... You have the NICEST ass we have EVER seen EVER!!

Jack let Madi and Fiona touch it. Repeatedly. Soon Jack wanted everyone to touch his ass. EVERYONE!



Xander the pimp and his hoes:

Alpha hoe: Yvanne Kennedy

Beta hoe: Aedín Ó' Cuill

Gama hoe: Julie Anne O'Connell-Kent

Omega hoe: Madi O' Carroll

many other hoes include:

Fiona Tuite

Rita Donovan

(Fiona and Rita were 'taken', and so were'nt allowed full titles.)

some random dude (unaware of hoedome)



*During Drama's show

Titania: Hey, aren't you Jonh Lennon? aren't you supposed to be dead?

'John Lennon': Woop woop woop woop woop woop! *scuttles off stage*



David Bennet: Here's a song I wrote, called 'Yellow Submarine' *picks up guitar*

...

David Bennet: You thought I was going to play it, didn't you?



Daniel: Life is like Alexis, only quiet.


Madi's reaction to the orgasmatron.




Edmond: I kissed a girl and she raped me!



WAZZAP!



Aisling Mc: Alexis should be taken in small doses. Overdoses of Alexis may cause your head to explode.


  • Eointopia is a country invented by Eoin Dooley which takes the form of a towel, it only exists on Thursdays.

Holly: Can I be minister for something?

Eoin: Yes, you are now minister for Keeping It Cool.



Eoin: For breaking the laws and not keeping it cool, you will be sentenced to 10 years in the fridge.



Eoin: I'm a man in a bathrobe with no shoes on. I need my country!



Eoin: You are now Miss Eointopia 2009!

Holly: I've been waiting for this moment since I could walk!



Eoin: I am the inventor of the portable country.



Eoin: I seem to have misplaced my country.



Brian A:(to Eoin)I now appoint myself Minister for Sex and Erectile Disfunction of Eoinitopia but the title has no reference to my past present or future....i hope



Aisling: Ruarí! Stop Ohm-nomming people!

Ruairí: But he's so Ohm-nomable!!

Gingey: I was a lonely bachelor until I bought the stick..



Aisling: What are you doing?

Ruairí: *pulls coat over head* I'm hiding from Jesus.



Naoise: Look, I can open my shirt with my shoulders!

Izzy: No one wants to see your chest, Naoise.

Gingey: I've been waiting for some one to say that.

Naoise: Then why didn't you say it yourself?

-silence-

Izzy: It's okay ,Gingey, we understand. You don't have to hide it anymore. *pats on head*



Scotty, Fulcher, Éamon, Brian, Jacko....basically everyone who wanted to take the p*ss outta wolfie (a lot): (at Wolfie) Minus 5!



Fulcher: The clutchball is the must have accessory of this season.

Jacko: You're mad at the clutchball, Wolfie, hold it like a tiger! RAWRR!



Wolfie: I don't like the ones with the white bits.



(A mixture of Japanese, War and Conflict and Spec Fic burst into the Biomed room to wish Michael a happy birthday)

Jacko: (Whispers in Michael's ear) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday.....Mr. President. Happy birthday to you.



Steven: You are the nerds of nerd camp.



Caoimhe: Alexis, have you been eating grass or something cause it's all in my mouth..


Caoimhe: You're in the closet!

Izzy: No, I'm not. I'm at the the table.

Ciara: You're in the mental closet!

Caoimhe: In the gay closet!

Izzy: Well you were in the closet with Ruarí!!!!



Orla: (about Danny) Aww he's so cool. I want one!



Angela: Can we have a stick?

Michael: Yes Angela, I'll give you a stick.



Kevin B: The mosquitos are following you.

Michael: Go f**k yourself.

Kevin B: No u.



Shane MK making out with Socrates in the Botanic Gardens.



(In Farmleigh)Angela, Steven, Ed, Charlotte, Anna and Richard: We're mounting the faguses!



Anna: Damn, I got fagus sap on my trousers!



Charlotte and Anna: WE AREN'T EMOTIONALLY READY FOR CHILDREN!



Daire: Hey do you want to hear my new saying? Respect your shorters.

Gemma: Did you just say your new saying is Jewish leaders?!

Jebet (during word game): word- unmanly, womanly, ladylike

Niamh L: CANADA!

Aisling: It's easy to make Daire laugh... Pedestrian! (no one laughs)

Aoife: Yay it's social time, I love social time!

Daire: Damn... I hate social time!

Jebet:What goes on in my bedroom is FAR from boring!

Jebet:I love lipgloss, I love lipglos it turns me on!

Jebet:Perverted B******!

Kevin.F:Thats not nice!



Scotty: I do not have herpes!



Caoimhe: I got an Umbrella Bag! *puts on her arm*

Alexis: Now we're safe from hand Herpes!

Charlotte and Anna: Its midnight. We should do something. lets dance.



Faye, Cliona, Caoimhe, Maeve, Niamh O', Niamh O R - We've got plently of things in Wilim, ahahaha!



Charlotte and Anna: WAFFLESSS!!!



Charlotte and Anna: Oh yeah, lets go party boy our grandmothers.



Caoimhe (to a robin): Ohm-nomnom!!

Random Lady: Hey! Buzz off! Leave the Robin alone!!



Ruadhan: (points at Edmond) He's a hug-whore.

Edmond: How dare you! I don't accept money!



Izzy: Caoimhe said I was very rapable.

Gavin: Well you are!

Izzy: *shuffles away and hides*

Gingey: *rings imaginery bell* Okay, I think we're at 20 for that..




Rory/Madi: THATS PHAT.



Caoimhe: WOO! Gay porn!

Izzy: Like those scary pictures you have on your phone..

Caoimhe: They're not Gay porn.. yet. They're on the verge. I got them off the TV at 3, therefore they are not pornographic!

Izzy: You got them off the telly at 3? And they're not pronographic?

Caoimhe: 3 PM! Before the watershed! They're not pornographic, just ALMOST pornographic!!



Caoimhe and Izzy: Kerri, Kerri! Come into Caoimhe's room quick!

  • Kerri comes in*

Izzy: Close the door.

  • Kerri closes door*

Caoimhe: Turn out the light!

Kerri (in scared voice): Why? Caoimhe, should I be scared?



Madi's impersonations.



everyone.ALL THE TIME: Yeah,well,YOUR MA.



Madi: Luke looks so much better from the back..



Aedín: Roobs! (she was lovely really...)

Fiona: what's roobs?

Madi: reversable boobs.



Madi/Aedín: Heurghh! *hand motions*

Madi/Aedín: (quietly) heh heh *small hand motions*

Emily/Niamh: Tony..Cheap girls, cheap rooms, cheap sex

ginger kevin walks by saying something

gingey:shut up kevin!

bystander:hey,how did you know my name?

gingey:no i meant ginger kevin.

bystander kevin:oh yeah, go ahead..



Jacko *sung to tune of Scotty Doesn't Know*: *insert Girl's name here* doesn't know, that *inserts girl's boyfriend's name here* and me, do it in my van every Sunday......*sings rest of song in similar fashion*

Kevin Fogerty:Group 1 window.

Fiona: I could really do with some rice crispees.



Alley and Jacko in attempt to make commuters cool after commuter rights movement: COMMUTERS UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *knuckle touch* Alley: Form Of!!! Jacko: A BROKEN CHAIR!!!! Alley: What?? Jacko: No one suspects the broken chair....

Astronomy

Mooncows from Mercury!



The Universe is made from cows!



Stuart (teacher): Now I shall demonstrate that gravity acts on all objects equally. [Picks up chalk and his phone and drops them.] See? No difference. Except that the phone is broken now.

Uranus must now join the Rg.

RORY TALKING TO THE TEACHER:WHAR IS BIGER URANIS OR MERCURY

RORY TALKING TO THE TEACHER:DID YOU KNOW URANIS IS ONE OF TH BIGIST THINGS IN THE SOLOR SISTIM

Mike's two time dimensions!

Look at the big long thing!

I'm 17 I can touch anything I want!!!

Steven don't you remember the drunk night we shared together?

Lorcan stick that it. LORCAN!

Lorcan what are you doing with your finger?

Elasticated bouncy thing!

Millions of my potential children were waisted on your mothers face last night.

You were suposed to help me dectetiving! - You mean cheating?

It's not even theoretical physics, it's SI-FI... - YAY! That's what I do best in.

"....to all intents and purposes..."-Stuart.

Where do you think Dyson vacum cleaners got their name?

You got relly soft cheeks... - And they're scented too

According to string theory the universe is made of small vibrating things

The earth has an iron core...with speckles of cows.

...hexagon shaped clouds...

The 1st weeks astronomy quiz.

Mike: What is burning in the core of Mercury?

John: small puppies... (laughs uncontrollably)

the next week.

John said something very uncontradicable.

Madi: Shut up John, you burn puppies.

Calculator phone solves all!!!!

Declan (while waving hands wildly): Everyone look at ME!

Madi: Don't even try, she has like, 600 brains. -about Emer

Cow jelly aliens.

Engaging probability drive.

"awh, thats phat!"-madi said repeatedly.

Miguel is the game! - Miguel is the human personification of the game. (by the way you all just lost the game xP)

(to the tune of teddy bears' picnic): If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. If you go out in the woods today you'd better go in disguise. For every CTYIers that ever there was will gather there for certain, because today's the day the CTYIers have their manhunt!

'cause his arm is going to fall off

It's not paranoia if it's true

Rory and Madi: would you like a massage...?

Rory: "Oh look Madi, a toilet." points out the window to a toilet and a man doing his business.

I am NOT having sugar withdrawlal syptoms! - Freddie and her powerade.

Then the mexicans and Nike will control Mars!

We'll just get the Jedi to move Mars. Wait Thats Impossible we'd need like a million Jedi... - John

Do or do not there is no try.- one of Mikes many nerdy t-shirts! <3

And the Jedi are on the other side of the galexy

Ha! I told you there were 2 times!

it's yerr-an-us.

I haven't done uranus yet

The universe is made of cows! XD

Fricking awesome!

FUCK OFF

Mike laughing uncontrollably at Madi.

Madi: why are you laughing?? stop laughing!

OMG it's ET! - No wait it's just a cardboard cut out... :(

Lorcan why are you thrusting on the chair?

He's not making them he's doing them

The experiments just don't like me...

stewart: lads, we're not doing maths today. eimear: aw, damn!

Hugs 2.0

John.. burns puppies!

Free hugs for €2!

She can't be your big sister if you're her little brother!

Please do not stick your head between the elevator doors because it is not good common sence and may not be condusive to your health.

It feels like a sheep! - in reference to Madi's hair

Look a weapon of mass distrction!

The day of the walking hug

Madi/ Alison: I'M ASEXUAL!

Please do not drown commuters in the Liffey it will scare the fish.

I do not wish to be affilated with anything called awesome cow.

Please do not run over commuters it may leave a mess on the road.

They suck everything

I'll use my dyson sphere

Do you KNOW the cost of hotels in Prague? - said by Patrick during a debate on whether Pluto should or should not be reclassified as a major planet.

You like to put that thing in holes don't you?

Freddie: I pare, you pare, we all pare for icepare! Madi goes into uncontrollable laughter.

Daniel gives the best rides ever!

Patrick: It's not me talking, it's the caffeine!

I'm here, I'm sphere, get used to it

It's over, it's done

Biomed

  • In the Biomed lab, Jack O'Sullivan constructs a swastika from Geomag.

Aoife(Biomed teacher): Ah here we go now! No swastikas in the lab.

  • Aoife proceeds to alter it into what she considers to be a smiley face


Shane J:(Talking about the Ellen deGeneres balloon) We should have a sign saying "Welcome to Biomed! Warning, this is what happened to the last student that didn't wear gloves."



Shane J's ten minute long Bobo joke.



Aoife: The stains you used this morning were actually carcinogenics!



(Playing Biomed hangman)

  • Youngmook puts up a 45 letter word.

Gavin: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicavolcanoconiosis! Youngmook: Dammit!




Ruairí: Is this scientific?

Daire: I don't know, it's in the book.



Jacko: (On a scene in Jurassic Park) What a wonderful bedtime story!



Character in Jurassic Park: Can I touch it?

Ruairí: Thats what she said.

  • This started off the whole class saying "Thats what she said." after every line in Jurassic Park for the next hour.



Shane MK: (To anyone) Yo Dookie! Pick up the phone! WAZZAP!



Ruairí and Angela's door-opening competition.



It's a UNIX system, I know this!



All the class after any incident: ANGELA'S FAULT!! (It never was...)



Elena, Jacko, Orla and Jenny: (all the time...most often randomly) Hey! Look!....a Squirrel/a Fireplace!!!!!!

- There never was a fireplace. Or a squirrel. Except at the Botanics.



Jenny: Look, Jack! A squirrel!!

Jacko: *looks frantically and angrily* WHERE?!!!! DIRECT MY EYES!!!!!



Shane J: I'm confused dot com.



Aoife: Friday is Fun Fluorescent Friday!

Aoife: The ghost of Isaac Newton is trying to sit down!

Michael OS: I'm bioluminescent, shut up!

Glowstick fight in the dark. Jenny won! :)

Michael: The smell up here is atrocious, it just reeks of glowstick!

Orla: So does your ma!

Edwina: In my lad, we don't make babies everyday.

Steven: Not everyday?

Edwina: Only on weekends.

Elena: What do you do with the mice when you're finished with them?

Edwina: They're sacrificed humanely.

Elena: Then they're brought to the canteen.

Fitting 9 people in the tiny lift and then jumping up and down in it on the last day.

Louise: So guys whats your quiz team name?

Table quiz team: Morning fun!

Louise: Er.. what?

Shane MK: Tuesdray

Gavin: I need yer ma! (in reference to the quiz team name)

Elena and Jenny high five with shaving foam and food dye all over their hands and it splashes all around the lab.


Jenny: Haha! Michael can't blow. Shane can, he's good at it!

(DISCLAIMER) This is in relation to both's candle-blowing-out skills.


During a Biomed film in the dark, Steve and Jenny have a shaving foam fight.


(Characters in The Fantastic Voyage start pelvic thrusting back and forwards)

Shane J: What does that remind you of?


Aoife: (Reading a Wikipedia page) Buchner won the 1907 Nobel Prize for Moustache.


Elena: How strange, Steve and Angela. And Digvijay is like the gay friend of the couple.

Jacko: Hey! Only I get to be the gay friend of the couple in this class!


In class, everyone starts poking Michael

Jacko: Molest Michael is a fun game, we should play it more often...like everyday!


Jenny drops the magnetix

Orla: Haha Jenny you dropped your balls!


Angela: Can we have a stick?

Michael: Yes Angela I'll give you a stick.


Filling in the evaluation form

Question: Did the instructor and TA work well together?

Jacko: Aoife and Louise, like Thelma and Louise only better!


(Angela shows an anime picture of a child with blood gushing out of its eyes.)

Angela: Notice how blood comes out of its eyes.

Shane MK: Ebola is so emo.

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