As per usual, chaps, please enter your quotes into the right section. If anybody would get the joke, stick it into 'General Interest'; if only you and a group of friends would get it, pop it into 'In-Jokes'. would like to remind you to ACTUALLY FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE PLEASE. Some quotes which make no sense to the general population have been moved to the In-Jokes section, in the faint hopes that they make sense to SOMEBODY. Likewise, only in-jokes should be put in the in-jokes section. Add in quotes under whichever titles you think it fits. If you need to make a new subheading, e.g for a specific class, please use Sub-Heading 2 as otherwise the contents system will screw up.

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Session 1


Animal Psychology

Novel Writing B

I think we should put Jesus on the boat - Casey

But Hades' money could cause mass inflation! -Catherine Jordan

I can hear you pointing at me -Alexey

Yes, it looks stupid. Yes, it was overpriced. And, No, you can't have it! GIVE ME BACK MY HAT -Ben

But, the almighty Rubber Duck goddess said "Let me help you, birdies," and turned the young birds into ninja warriors- Louise

It's all foreign to me -David

How many dead people are hanging from the ceiling? 12.

whats Bagel in Romanian? -Makua

'writer' is just another name for serial killer isn't it? -practically everyone


Give it a shtir there, Cormac - Darragh

There are child Sportalians here now so obviously the condom machines didn't work - Sarah

I'm always dying on the inside - Kacper

You pounded it, there's no coming back - Alex

I'm a Somali pirate - Diarmuid

Pluto is about the size of America and isn't America pretty much Earth - Brian

I love the way your face is pink and shiny - Lisa

Are you sexually attracted to chocolate? - Sarah

There's clever, then there's CAT, then there's them - Ava (in reference to Summer Scholars)

What do you call when a person tries to run away from a city full of velociraptors? ... escape velocity! - Alex

The skirts were short and there were lots of Nazis - Eoghan

It's called being a Jew... Oh wait, no -Sarah

And she just popped out a sprog, as you do - Lauren

I am your Daddy. You will now call me Daddy - David

What do you call the thrusting of your marbles, asked Fionn. I'm fairly sure it's called rape, replied Alex

My ego...fuck, I don't know - Sarah

I don't think latex can handle being spacetimed - Eoghan

I don't stare at man - David

I feel like I'm in Auschwitz -Kacper

This is the last time you can pound me in study - Brian

I felt bad for a leaf yesterday....I was eating it - Lauren

No one cares about naked people in Australia - Sarah

.... I do - Diarmuid

Japan is so weird - Eoghan, giggling to himself

I still have a dongle - Lauren

There's a waistcoat under this varsity - Ciara

I liked constellations because I got to try - Ava

I'm being assaulted by a yoghurt - Sarah

Diarmuid (a Cork man) and an Arab man are walking in a desert. The Arab man stops, turns to Diarmuid and says "I'm going to build a city here". Diarmuid replies "Do boii" - Kevin (Sarah's boyfriend)

They have rabies in France - Eoghan

Can i have a go on your tiny one - Sarah (to David)

You've got to know your ex's - Eoghan

Just say spandex and balls - David

And, like, this guy was gay for Jesus - Sarah

Criminology: comparing Ctyi to the Irish prison system - Eoghan

Pounding from a far, long distance pounding - Sarah

Behavioural Psychology

"what team?" "wild rats"- muireann and caoimhe

"I thought my thumbs were longer for a moment"- eve

"koko...*hand signals*..kitten...hit by car"- everyone

"cormac for pope"- dylan

"squirrel?"- everyone

"for shakira reasons"-dylan

"who has the boner?"-emer

"shakira shakira"-kevin

"I didnt inject it with samonella"-dylan

"kevin is not furniture"- sarah

  • looks at dylan* "you look like the most comfortable turtle right now"- cormac

"I have ramachandran"-lana

(about phobia of beautiful women) "fear of me"-eve


Paleo people aren't human - Gavin

Don't blame Trump for TB - Elizabeth

Friends are food; either lonely or a cannibal - Ciara

He dresses like a conspiracy theorist - Ciara

It's not cheating if it's teamwork -Ciara 

and that's good science

Toby the Friendly Ghost -Elizabeth 

I love me a good little child -Ellen 

Bodily violation -Rachel 

How satisfied are you? yes -Paul answering a survey

Oh I like trees, I am a tree -Ellen

It's not prostitution, it's entrepreneurship -Ciara

Prostitution is Montgomery County Public School approved -Elizabeth

Don't wear your leg -Gavin 

"Yet another example of women getting shafted by men" -Gavin

The number of fucks we give equals the number of friends we have; So two? -Elizabeth then Ciara

Irish problems: when u get more action from a potato than men -Ciara

Don't support potato rape culture -Ciara

"Elizabeth, did u ruin the tax system?" "yea, I was having a bad day" -Ciara then Elizabeth

Downside of cannabalism, you don't have any friends -Elizabeth

Come quick so u can stroke my potato -Elizabeth

Netflix and stroke my potato -Ciara

In the words of my favorite quote, you look like the shit -Ciara

"and thats why he has herpes" "goals" -Ronan then Gavin

The controversy of the day -Gavin

Hey lemme show you my spinal cord, it'll get ye in the mood -Megan 

There are two types of bacterial meningitis, I will slice your face off -Elizabeth

Is making someone eat something prostitution? Does that mean forcing them to eat it is rape? -Freddie 

Aggressively average -Elizabeth

Statistically average -Ciara

Teamwork make the toastable dreamwork -Ciara the Legend

We should make something that discards naughty children; Thats called a gun -Elizabeth then Ciara

To do the talking more betterly -Ciara

It tastes like nonprofits -Ciara from Connor the legendary RA

Maple Syrup Urine Disease, what the fuck is that -Gavin

That whole famine thing -Gavin

I love how your still a mess over the famine -Elizabeth

I don't condone having kids with your brother or sister but... -Gavin

Stop the cup violence 2k16 -Ciara

Why is everything in the canteen a disappointment -Zac

There's nothing wrong with needing help, Annabelle -random author

harry potter lives in an orphanage except its one orphan in a family -Elizabeth

soooo how bout them redskins -Elizabeth

look im a trumpet *screeches* -Ellen

yes its solitaire with 2 people -Ellen to Ronan

I think the unspoken part of 'i think you're part of the Confederacy' is 'my hero' -Ciara to Elizabeth

hey big boy -Daniel to Oisín

night time dick time -Ellen and Megan

you would be expensive as a hooker -Paul to Ciara

caucasian not eurasian -Ciara

im secretly black - Freddie

"hello dale" "mmmmm" elizabeth then dale while eating ice cream

You look good, how much do u cost? -ciara

no ones ever asked you that before im surprised -ciara to aurora

dont you get my romantic gesture? i put a little ginger in the bin for ya -daniel to elizabeth

ronan lost his virginity to a shoe -a fact

kenny chesney, have my children -ciara

i love your mother, elizabeth -john the arc

i feel like theres never enough hugs or photos or time -ellen

Don't support potato rape culture - Ciara

Elizabeth did you ruin the tax system- Ciara Yes I was having a bad day - Elizabeth

That whole famine thing - Gavin

I love how you're still a mess over the famine - Elizabeth

There's nothing wrong with needing help Annabelle - random author

Harry Potter lives in an orphanage except it's one orphan in a family - Elizabeth

Sooooo how about them redskins - Elizabeth

Look I'm a trumpet *screeches* - Ellen

Yes it's solitaire with two people - Ellen

I think the unspoken part of "I think you're part of the Confederacy" is "my hero" - Ciara

Hey big boy - Daniel to Oisin

Night time dick time - Ellen

You would be expensive as a hooker - Paul to Ciara

Caucasian not eurasian - Ciara

I'm secretly black - Freddie

Hello Dale *mmmmmm* - Elizabeth then Dale eating ice-cream

You look good, how much do you cost? - Ciara to Aurora

No ones ever asked you that before I"m surprised - Ciara to Aurora

Don't you get my romantic gesture? I put a little ginger in the bin for you - Daniel to Elizabeth

Ronan lost his virginity to a shoe - a fact

Kenny Chesney have my children - Ciara

I love your mother Elizabeth - John the ARC

Get rekt Timmy - everyone

"Banter banter" -Ellen

"Fancy fancy" "Solid" -Elizabeth

I feel like there's never enough hugs or photos or time - Ellen

"Tank Madonna" -Gavin

"Do you want me to get on all fours for you?" -Elizabeth

"Whatcha doing down there Ellen?" "winky face" -Elizabeth; Ellen

"You're such a Dennis" -Dale

"He has the thing in his mouth all the time" Paul

"It's the normal moistness of a finger" -Paul

"That's a nice brand of tree, it's an oak, nice brand" -Dale

"Here you, let's go" -Megan/Daniel (Megan when talking about sex, Daniel when squaring up)

"It's all about finesse" -Paul (on blowjobs)

"Keep still, I need wanking material" -Paul

"Ronan just lost his virginity to a shoe" -Cormac

"I have two phones, one for using, one for abusing" -Jesscia

"Claire" "That's funny because you're from Clare" -Jessica and Kellie

*Anytime Fergal did anything* "THAT'S MY ROOMMATE!!" -Cormac

"I'm like Bill Cosby, you won't feel my penis inside you" -Paul

"Make sure you don't stab the button"- Ellen

"Bodily Violation" -Normal (nee Blonde) Rachel

"I'm slowly getting harder" -Daniel

"If you put it in his mouth he'll take it" -Megan

"I enjoy scrotum" -Paul

"But sometimes I do have diarrhoea" -Paul

"I'm rubbing my dick on your towel" "HEY STOP RUBBING YOUR DICK ON MY TOWEL!" -Paul and Cormac

"Stand up comedian... amirite?" -Cormac

"I don't get people who don't like maths" -Cormac

"The Alliance will live on" -Daniel, Megan, Kellie, Jessica

"#Corley" -Megan

"Nah brah I ain't about that life, Boxias got you" -Megan

"You keep flexing during class" "All this talk about protein and muscles, I can't not flex" -Megan and Daniel

"Fucking Gains" -Daniel

"You can be my Designated Boob Watcher" -Megan to Cormac

Computers and Animation

Mmm I love playing with balls - Seamus (and various others)

I love the sound of children screaming - Rebecca

How do I make a universe?! - Seamus

AAAGH render you chicken fried fuck! -Rebecca

Search up little girls! Actually, no, don't... - Rebecca

Apparently, the makers of Surgeon Simulator have developed a Donald Trump Simulator - Rebecca Stimulator? - Maghnus

That's a big British woman - Maghnus

I love seals- they're like ocean doggies! - Rebecca

Get loads of drugs, eat your sleep and don't do your school - Rebecca

I don't just randomly stroke people Rebecca - Aislinn

Putin daughter says: Eat Uranium daily! - Rebecca on Whiteboard

Dr Booty? Is that Kim Kardashian's plastic surgeon? - Eoin

I don't give into peer pressure when it's about alcohol or drugs, only when it's about hat taking - Eoin

Law A

Dabbing looks like everyone's smelling themselves - Colm

Legalise donuts 2k16! - Jack

1, 2, 3, DAB! - Sinéad

Apparently people are delicious, they taste like chicken - Alice

Brian the Penguin is probably just a solid block of herpes at this point - Emmet

Incest is wincest! - Everyone

Like, stop rubbing yourselves? - Katie

Any questions or queries? - Katie;

I'm a queerie! - Alice

A lot of people die quite often - Sinéad

When it comes down to it, a child is just a pile of organs - Alice

You're debating, you're not giving a TED talk - Jack

Efficient suffering - Sinéad

You can break the law but you

I beg you to propose the opposition - ???

*on the phone* Hello, daddy dearest! - Colm

I don't think that's his father - Everyone

Prostitution mostitution - Sinéad

*Colm walks back in the room* Daddy tired him out - Reece

Can you have a sugar mommy? - Alice;

You haven't met my mother yet - Colm


Every day is father's day for Colm - Reece

*Starts singing can't help falling in love* - Sinéad

Forget about mooting. We've got to start muting (the group chat) - Alice

A civil parsnip - Sinéad

I went to Germany to improve my gag reflex - Molly

If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family - Glenn

I just came here for vegetable memes, not this violence - Killian

This vegetable soup is very watery. I guess that's because humans are 20% water - Jack

With organ donation you have the 2 Rs - Katie;

What, reduce reuse recycle? - Alice

I went to the doctor. We cool. -Kevin

We need someone important to die! -?

Yeah, someone here take one for the team. -?

I said someone IMPORTANT. -?

If you look at the reading we had for homework... - Reece;

*groaaaans* - Everyone

Don't leave your seat Colm! - Katie;

I know, I'm just standing up - Colm

If the refugee is in DP for >6 years we kill them and donate their organs! - ?

Were fisticuffs like the 16th century version of fight club? - ?

Caesar Bacteria - Colm

A duvet of a blanket statement - Sinéad

Every act which is not derived from absolute necessity is a tyrannosaurus - Sinéad

I eat plain hobnobs cause I'm a basic bitch - Killian

Take your glasses off, I'm into that - Aidan

Omg this is my first quote! Big moment for me! - Aidan

You speak too fast - ?;

You think too slow - ?

Pigs can get sunburnt! - Colm;

Yeah it's called bacon - Emmet

*writes down 'very satisfied' on the form - Molly;

What, are you having an orgasm or something? - Aidan

*feels Molly's hair bun and moans* - Aidan

They push their stomachs out through their anus and then suck it back in - Sinéad

A day without the sesh is a day too long for me - Oisin

Aidan, shut up. - Everyone

You've already filled up your men - Killian

Maths Experience

How can Henry please both his girlfriend and his boss at the same time? - Travelling Salesman video

Given Kate, what is the probability of scumbag? One. - Darragh

I may not be likeable, but I'm definitely memorable - Padraig S

Proof or Pull? - Louis

I want to see your Euler line - Kate

This is why we need to kill ALL the vegans - Padraig S

Who d'you want to kill? GHOST BUSTERS - Liam

That's...almost great - Padraig C

That's even less right than the last one! - Padraig C

What's your favourite part of the course so far? The girls. - anonymous evaluation form response

Winner winner, chicken dinner - 21

Jimmy your hemisphere - Padraig C; Is that a technical term? - James

Just bang it out yourself - Padraig C

Stars and bars, or plugs and holes - Padraig C; These sound like the names of really bad pornos - Kate

I will fight any man here. And Darragh - Dylan

Can you do it with Markov Chains? - Liam


"Americans are weird" -Mat

  • points at cardiogram* "And finally, the beat drops." -Mat

"What do you call this heartbeat rhythm?" "A mess."

"Fruit juice, you wouldn't understand." -everyone

"This is Bob and he is just a brain stem" -Ed

  • a wild comic sans appears on the presentation*

"Well that's slightly terrifying"-Mat

"Living is a fatal disease" - Owen "Ok...." - Orlaith

"Forget about the Kuru for a sec, is cannibalism ok? " - Gwen "Well it would probably damage your social life" - Nathan

Social Psychology

Too many soups spoil the broth - Zac

We don't want you to get eaten by a dragon or fall down a rabbit hole! - Shauna (TA)

Let's not talk about D&D - Shauna (TA)

You've got peoples bits in you - Zac

Say we just gave them all drugs - Alan (left our class... traitor)

You can kill but you can't celebrate - TraitorAlan

We had to speak the first yearsh - Aurora

But... we can't kill people? - Alan

I'm afraid of most things - Kate

"Your mum sucks my cunt dick off" - Fionn "Truee" - Georgia

I appreciate the sarcasm, it feeds me - Alan

Ah, sport, that thing I don't really know about - Shauna (TA)

I can hear you, I know the voices and they aren't in my head this time! - Shauna

I'm not drunk, I'm tired - Aurora

Maybe by week three I can astronomically project and teleport - Shauna

Coffee is the new diabetes - Zac

The T stands for gay - Zac

Everyone loves a good murder - Zac/Aurora

You may not learn much social psych, but you will know obscure celebrities - Sadhbh (teacher)

I convinced my friends to jump off piers and stuff - Little Zac

If you just look sad and have lots of facts people will believe anything - Aurora

I'm not a billion people - Alan

Increase your GNP with cheerios! - Alan

The shrimp is Bernie - Billy

Oh my God! Hitler! We love you! - Aurora (this was taken out of context. I don't love Hitler I swear)

You never hear anyone giving out about Boy Scouts- Billy

The propaganda is that he hangs out with Boy Scouts, but the full picture is that he did 9/11 - Billy

There's a bowtie out there for everyone - Ethan

He and I are polar opposites aside from our opinions on pizza - Ethan

Let's not analyse dear sweet bicycle man - Shauna

She believes that you have to open a window to let out the thunder - Odhran

Are witches a musical instrument? - Billy

The coffee made him do it! - Zac

"Family Shell-Shocked as Hitler-Defying Tortoise Dies" - headline / everyone

Clickbait isn't journalism, it's organised bullshit - Billy

You know how you find things in the most unlikely places? My wallet's in the fridge - Ethan

Birds of a potato flock potato - Zac

Zac/Aurora "Why would you want to boil custard?" Billy - "Because no one else has"

Why not try ~Mediocrity~ - Alan

Make me a kettle that boils honey - Billy

Hey Sadhbh, let's think about that embarrassing thing you did in 1998 - Sadhbh's brain

Throw the biggest party ever ~your funeral~ - Aurora

On one hand he's a Nazi, but on the other hand his name alliterates - Luan (also a traitor)

Just imagine celery is delicious - Sadhbh

Like true commies, they even share accents - Niall

What is the meme-ing of life? - Zac

A life-proof Chinese person?! - Zac

I'm not saying they'll be hit by the elite crack squad of spiders, but I am saying you'll never see them again - Shauna

She can't leave, there's a bomb in her bag - Billy

Ethan " Can we have a fight club?" Shauna "You already broke the first rule!"

When you're at a dead end in your music career take loads of drugs - Alan

Don't question it, just take your shirt off - Ethan

I have to find Jesus and give his hat back - Ethan

Yesterday he gave me his lab coat and his hat, I think we're in love - Ethan

Stop removing people's clothing! - Odhran

I've often looked a child and thought "wow that's an ugly child" - Billy


Gerry Adams is a Jedi - Niall

Controversial elderly gay marriage in Kerry! Fun! - Donal

Fionn is a spider Nazi - Niall and Orla

Where are all these chairs coming from? I swear they're breeding - Odhran

Shauna "Burn it!" Aurora "Can we toast it?"

You only have control of the upper half of my body - Ethan

What's going on with you and Hitler?! - Orla to Aurora

I regret...everything - Aurora

Ethan "I fall for it all the time" Sadhbh "Which one?" Ethan "The social one" Everyone "This is SOCIAL psych!"

Compliment them, but don't take their clothes - Zac

Be a beautiful man - Billy

Niall "No, I always get consistently bad teachers" Sadhbh "Wow thanks so much"

I love bitching about people - Billy

And then Hitler came along like "Hey I can make Germany great again!" - Emma

I have carpet burn on my butt from these chairs - Aurora

Ethan "Billy come back to bed" Billy, on phone "No, I can't, I asked my RA"

I don't like old people but I like looking at them from afar - Aurora

I bet they don't have discos very often in Galway - Niall, said with utmost distaste

Zac, I swear to god if I see my first dick through you, you're dead - Aurora

Wait, I can poison people with potatoes?! - Ethan

Three by three is a small forest - Zac

Ethan likes to keep flirting with his mom then - Niall

Party with Jesus! Woooo! - Sadhbh

This has become more about cracking and less about gender - Billy

I hope your dimples fall off your face - Georgia

Aurora "It looks like a stethoscope" Ethan "That's because you need it to check my heart"

Zac stop flirting with the caterpillar!!- Aurora

Just eat it don't question it - Niall

You don't want just any raptors... you want snow raptors! - Shauna

*sees shirtless sportalians* There are loads of sexy men outside if anyone wants to take one - Billy

Men do the dabbing in the house - Billy

Who put party with Jesus in the male table - Ethan

Men have penises, most of the time - Billy

Why are there just sad potatoes - Aurora

Ahhhh that's a different sensation - Billy

The sad potatoes crashed my computer - Ethan

Aurora "If we need more confederates we can ask the sportalians to do it, because it'll improve their English and that's what they're here for" Billy "No, they're here to fuck bitches and waste money"

I don't remember when I became a lizard - Shauna

I treat everyone as a xylophone - Ethan

Did you just make a tinfoil speedo? - Ethan to Niall

I went to the store and bought slaves, freedom, capitalism, lots of conspiracy theories, raspberries, and a sense of nationalistic pride - Billy, Ethan, Donal, Aurora, Zac, and Niall

I'm the purple teletubby - Billy

*Aurora flips glasses* You look like a moose! - Billy

Ailbhe "We need to get more information" Billy "You need to get a life"

I exceeded the word limit by 18 million with dab - Niall

We need 8 DENNIS and 4 HAROLD - Billy

Billy, is ROGER part of HAROLD? - Sofia

I think I am this worm - Sofia

Thou shalt not love Hitler - Ethan

It's like sleeping on clouds if clouds were warm and made of meat - Ethan

You got money down my crotch - Ethan

Aurora "I have zero upper body strength" Ethan "I have three"

Ethan "But then you're sad and lonely and have 13 cats!" Aurora "Hey! I only have 3 cats!!"

Billy "What happened to your other kidney?" Steph "I got bored"

I'm going to a herpes civilization forest - Zac

Wasabi wa American - Ethan

I'm not going to bite my toenails - Ethan

Rogald the spreadsheets, I ship it - Ethan

*looks at baby* that's an ugly child - Billy

I'm the imaginary boyfriend - Aurora

Have fun, don't become a bear because bears are terrifying - Donal

Nice long distance pelvis thrust Zac - Ethan

Donal "Billy is a dabsexual" Billy "I have a raging erection"

Dab with Jesus - Sadhbh

Oh, Jesus is a cat - Ethan

Let Sadhbh into the disco! - Everyone

Why do they call them roofies if you're far more likely to fall on the floor - Ethan

I might have a personal vendetta against windows - Donal

Mmm, Nazis, yum - Aurora

O boi, I sure do love putting sweat in my pocket - Billy

I need that finger for later... don't break it - Billy

Maaaan this is leeeethal - Fionn

Don't you just love finding a student twitching at your feet? - Shauna

Don't kick the corpse - Shauna

No violent dabbing at each other! - Shauna

Niall really excelled at dabbing - Sadhbh

We accept murderers- Sadhbh


....isn't that a meme? - Sadhbh

Embrace the poodle - Sofia

"Is there a way to make the ukulele sound bad?" "Yes" "How?" "Billy" "Ahh" - Ethan and Daniel

Emma "Ten out of ten" Zac "Would slap again"

Oh, you have one of the music squares - Donal

Billy comes in dressed as a chair - Sadhbh

Sadhbh "Why are babies cute?" Billy "They're not"

They're cute and edible - Sadhbh

It's adorable in an ugly way - Zac

Ryan Gosling is a baby goose, confirmed - Ethan

That is a phenomenal surname - Shauna

I am my own gender - Billy

She's wearing the skin of another! - Shauna

This is the first marriage I've been in where I'm the husband - Zac

I've changed my sexual identity from an Apache attack helicopter to the emotion sadness - Ethan

Yay for Satan, nay for dabbing - Aurora

What is that?! A fascist lemon?! - Zac

I hate Earth, I wanna go to France - Ethan

I said it for the quote - Ethan

You're pretty, and we're dying - Ethan

Live your life faster, we don't have much time left - Ethan

I thought I was having an isolated arm hot flash - Aurora

I should contact my friend Molly, she's a meme maker - Zac

Write, Act, Perform

"Mershed Perterters" - Liadh, Taylor

"I have a thing for Andrews" - Larisa

"Mel Gibson plays himself in Mad Max. He's a very angry man." - Andrew

"Wait - You're gay?' - Tara (To Taylor, as they held their rainbow umbrella after making jokes about how gay they are.)


"We're classmates." "No, we're divorcees." - Andrew and Aidan

"Mel Gibson is in Australia. Mel Gibson's family is murdered. Mel Gibson is angry. Is that not the plot of Mad Max?" - Andrew


"Hurtling Turtles Meenage Shuttle" - Andrew

"Friendzoned again. I'll just go and drink my mountain dew and doritos energy shake." - Andrew

"Ooooh, she thick!" - Taylor

"I thought the gay guys were cute, but then he was smelling his jumper and that was pretty creepy." - Ruairí

General Interest


"All hail the Galactic Empire of BanglaSwedia" "ALL HAIL"


Teenage Mutant Ninja Titties - Rebecca

*Makes chicken noises* - Rebecca

Chicken periods make the best cake - Louise

Kinky seagull 2k16 - Rebecca + Iosaf

Master gave Dobby cocks! - Thomas

Pon pon pon is like lsd.mp4 - Rebecca

Wake me up inside - Eimear

Master wakes Dobby up inside - Thomas

Sex won't, but you can buy it online without the cables - Jacob

"I'm just injecting ink into your veins, it'll be fun, like heroin!" - Ethan "Heroin's only fun when you do it yourself!" - Ciara

Hi ho hi ho from snow white makes me think of prostitues on weed - Rebecca

My sexuality is on top. As long as I'm on top it doesn't matter what's underneath me. Man, woman, small animal - Jordan

I don't care about humanity. Unless it's underneath me - Jordan

Who do you have to blow to get these prices reduced - Iosaf (at gamestop)

Have fun with Fiona - John RA; You too - Rebecca

How many times do I have to say I don't like balls until people stop offering them to me? - Eimea

Can I tickle your chin? - Eimear

I always have fetishes for everything including John - Eimear

I love Nooting - Louise

Fergal is the embodiment of Donegal - Liadáin

Because the universe exists - Liadáin

Kinkshame me Pádraig - Eimear

Let's all shift Colm - Eimear

Prepare to get jacked off - Liam

Don't bite the gift horse that feeds you - Oisín

I despise you, in a kind way - Tomás

And the uncertainty principle states...uh....penis - Liam

Carbon is my fish - Tomás

Come up to my room, Dylan, and we'll push it out - Darragh

You're so stupid Paul- Peter

"It's the call of the void" "It's the fucking scream of the void" -Molly and Paul

Molly is okay in small quantities.... like cocaine -Tom

Tom doesn't move fast for anything except Food, Women and Get Down Mr. President -Emmett

I'm gay, we don't do drugs -Aidan

it's fun because it's tight -Ruairi

OH SHIT!!! -Ruairi (along with everyone else)

That's a quote! -Rory

  • Ethan puts on a fedora* "HA EXPOSED!" - Lian

I'm trying so hard to remember his face but it's just so fucking bland. I'm gonna forget it the second I look away he's too generically white. - Ray

Louise: They're encouraging pushing disabled people down hills! Lian: Bye Louise *shoves* Louise: Wheeeeeee!

"you can eat the starburst wrappers"-eve

"i think more about food than i think about women"- dan

"when the door says push but you came to pull"- emma

"he's like the camera man in a porno, he just watches from the sidelines and never gets any action"-lana

"even your male friends are fuckboys you're always a target , theres no safety"-lana

"he was probably just being friendly"-"he tried to finger me!"- evan and lana

"corn is the most sexual vegetabble"-"its not a vegetable its a grain, i know my fucking farmland"- justin and callum

"i dont swing that way"-fionn @ callum

"pads and pens, all you need in life"-rose

"oh shit i found a lump on top of my lump"- leah

"fionns guide to getting pussy at 14"-fionn

"so THIS is how you get pussy"-fionn

"this nutella is making me horny"-leah

"you can see the bumps of your adams apple even though girls dont have them"- gabija"dont say shift its so graphic"-muireann



Spontaneous! - Liadáin

Too real... - Luan, Zac, Ethan, Andrew, Padraig, Aurora, JacobI

Sometimes I look at them fondly and think "I know those nipples" - Ellen

I want to be a type two diabetic dick - Ellen

You can look at it fondly and say "That's my penis" - Ellen

I am fond of my genitalia - Ellen

I'm a super serious officer - Jacob

I'm gonna look up mushroom sex - Zac

Mushroom sex - Zac, Luan, Aurora, Ethan

"What do we want?" - Everyone "Bee movie!" - Everyone "When do we want it?" - Everyone "BEE MOVIE" - Luan

Not Ethan - Daniel, Andrew

Purple - Diarmuid + Alex

It's good. - Billy + Luan

You will buy all my nipples - Ellen

No! Get out of my crotch! - Ellen

Ok, just lick your vagina at me - Ellen

Argh, your butt, it's it's wiNKING AT ME - Ellen

Cos I just can't wait to be bloob - Ellen

Ciara "The KKK is educational" Zac "Edu-k-k-k-tional"

Go back to nature raspberry fruit! - Zac's notebook

It's not cheating, it's teamwork! - Ciara, a massive cheater

Once Donald Trump leaves the planet, the earth will realize it doesn't need to kill itself anymore - Padraig

Women are dicks and men have none - Padraig

God ripped Adam's dick off - Liam

Liam "Why would you want to have sex with a sandwich?!" Aurora "Because they're moist...?"

Johnny Depp murders the cast of Harry Potter, what's not to like? - El

They always fuck me in the wrong way, but it's ok because I'm sleeping with her tonight - Elizabeth

~~Risk in Alan's room~~

Don't touch my Africa- Luan

My favourite colour is Africa- Luan

The blue mans Africa- Luan

Don't fuck up my Asia- billy

I'm gonna fuck you right in the Asia- ruari


Fuck this up- Luan to billy every turn

My knowledge of history starts at 1444// what important event happened in 1444?// the game Europa Universalis IV starts- ruari and Alan

I've always wanted to be a city-state- Alan

Oh wow the blacks are really comin in there- Luan

  • sarcasm* I'm gonna do good- Alan

You are the most subtly savage person I have ever met, Alan - Luan

That's my Middle East rip'd- Luan

I think I'll become a vegetarian. I'll wait for my anaemia to clear up first though. - Molly

If you could go back in time and kill baby Hitler, would you? - Aoibheann Ye but not Stalin - Alice

"i dont mean to fuck my toast"-evan

"you can have banter in bed"-leah

"teenyboppers assemble"-odhran

"intelligent tea 'cause T is for smart"-abby

"seduction squad, prostitution posy"-kellie

" you're such a discriminating rasher person"-leah

"the internet told me i was sexy"-eve

"the cards are going everywhere in my bra"- leah

"thats supposed to be me as an angry ship by the way"-lana



"your kneecap's in me"-leah

"we're going looking for greeners"-muireann

"don't worry my clothes are staying on *cough* emer *cough*"-evan

Session 2


Behavioural Psychology A

"What year is it again?" - Caoilfhlinn

"Yes daddy" - Katie

"Slenderman tentai" -Caoilfhinn & Katie

"Boop the snoot" - Aoife

"Open your mouth" - Katie

"(talking about a video on youtube about 4 year olds' social skills) I ship Skyla and Jessica. Oh wait, they're four." - Caoilfhinn

"(distressed shouting) You can't do that they're four" - Riley

"Fite me!" -Aoife

"You forgot the cum" - Caoilfhinn

"(just having broken Caoilfhinn's sword) You have such a hard ass!" - Katie

"It's too big, it won't fit" - Neil

"Who is this person and why do they have shit in their mouth" - Caoilfhinn

"That would be a great name for a band; The Severed Penises." - Katie

"There's like 5 people in Tipperary, and at least two of them are sheep." - Riley

"I think Koalas have like 8 vaginas" - Katie

"What is with you and nugget porn?!" - Bláthnaid

"Everyone knows I'm the rape king" - Neil

"Marriage is just betting half your stuff that someone will love you forever" - Bláthnaid

"Imma get the D" - Ciara

"I had a sausage yesterday that looked just like a willy" - Niamh

"Imagine our babies" - Katie to Neil

"I like dick" - Ciara

"Stop ringing me richard you're not the dad" - unknown 4 year old

"I'm gonna fight you Bláthnaid" "you just did, and you lost." - Aoife and Bláthnaid

"Diabetes in a box" - Ciara

"It's easy to overcharge children" - Ciara

"Open your mouth... Did that go in?" - Neil

"[Anyone], spell ICUP" - Neil

"You keep shoving your nipples in my face" - Katie

"Well you keep shoving your face in my nipples" - Neil

"If you get a maths question wrong, then accidentally murdered someone, go to Norway!" - Bláthnaid

"she starts making a point, contradicts herself, then makes a whole different point" - Daniel Ryan


"I don't think they understand that 'yelling' is part of a debate" - Bláthnaid

"Me" - Ciara

"Same" - Ciara

"Okay so heres the plan. We get Neil really drunk, and get him into the KKK" - Katie

"Free will is a government conspiracy" - Aífe

"I'm gonna name my child Harambe" - Ciara; "You'll probably have forgotten about Harambe by the time you're having children, don't resort to teenage pregnancy in order to name your child Harambe" - Aífe; "I'm gonna get pregnant and name my child Harambe" - Ciara

"I'm sorry guys, but what?" -Bláthnaid and Ciara (to Baby Psych)

"Cover your bald head" -Bláthnaid (To Amy H)

"Children are scared of doctors, they smile when they leave" -Bláthnaid

"Children are kinky" -Documentary Subtitles

"M'lady" -Bláthnaid

"Tonguing ice is my favourite past-time" -Aoife "Oh is that my new nickname? Ice?" -Bláthnaid

"Virginity is a social construct, let's talk about France" -Aífe"

"______ is a social construct" -Someone "Let's talk about France!" -Everyone

"(upbeat) Hey Aífe" -Aoife "(annoyed) Hey Aoife" -Aífe

"I'd tap eight. Eight is a sexy beast" -Katie

"And even if you do die alone with pigs, I'll visit. I love pigs!" -Aoife (to Bláthnaid)

"Are you aroused?" "Always." -Aoife and Bláthnaid

"Step on it Daddy" -Anger from Inside Out

"I would die for Riley" -Everyone "Ew" or "Then do" -Riley

"(very hyper) The Grinch!? I laaaooove the Griiinch!" -Aoife

"Don't call me Daddy!... Call me Mommy (seductive wink)" -Katie

"What if I stole her eyes at birth" -Neil

"What's the best way to help someone with amnesia?" -Aífe "DON'T FORCE HER TO MARRY ADAM SANDLER!" -Bláthnaid

"Can you imagine being only able to paint Adam Sandler forever!" -Bláthnaid

"If I run a red light I'd rather not get my nipple electrocuted" -Neil



"We only call them Baby Psych 'cause they're cute and smol" -Bláthnaid "Bláthnaid, you're cute and smol" -Aoife

"Apparently Sportalians told an RA to fight them" -Amy H "Are you sure it wasn't just Aoife in a Sombrero?" -Aífe

Behavioural Psychology B

"Cormac has a flamingo kink" - Diana

"Megan can I have a quote?" - Katie

"We've been bamboozled again" - Cormac


"Flamingos are better than people" - Caroline

"Bone Daddy would want it" - Diana

"Same/Cute" - Diana

"It's not necrophilia it's just misunderstood" - Diana

"Oh that's so nice" - Katie "Thanks I stole it" - Megan

"We've been bamboozled by bone daddy" - Eric

"I'm not threatening, how am I threatening?" - Selin

"Yeah I'm so sick, sick of your shit" - Diana

"Make Chris great again" - Megan

"Build a Paul not a wall" - Caroline

"Promise me a place in your house of memeories" - Diana

"Look my phone's getting it from both ends" - Leila

"Your phone may be able to get it from both ends, but mine can take 2 in one end" - Eric

"Wouldn't it be cool if we found out pot noodles actually had pot in them and that's why everyone loves them so much" - Leila

"Can I have your phone" -TA "Wait..... Wait.......... One sec...." * TA finally gets it 5 minutes later* - Dan

  • After getting lost* "Now I know why we're Baby Psych, 'cause we're fucking useless" - Megan

"Use hand gestures" - Leila "Does this count?" 🖕 - Caroline

@ Megan "Can you quote me sometimes? Megan? Please?" - Katie

"Can we all agree that the A in B Psych A is for Assholes?" - Caroline "Yeah" - everyone

"Can we just complain about B Psych A for the rest of the class" - Leila

@Megan *doing a rubix cube* "Yeah it's getting messed up, just like your life!" - Caroline

"There's always time to be gay" - Megan

"Just pretend it's a Hoover even though it looks like a saxophone" - Megan

"I said murderer not burglar" - Caroline

"It's not stealing, it's borrowing indefinitely" - Megan

"Give me fluff" - also Megan

  • TA asking for phone* "Wait the beat's about to drop" - Eric

"Dance together, pants together" - Megan

"Promise me a place in your house of memeories" - Diana

"It's so hard but so good" - Caroline

"Oops something went wrong" -Eilidh @Chris "yeah something went wrong with your face" - Megan

"Uh oh spaghettio" - Chris

"I could be the Dali Lama if I wanted" - Chris

"We talk about cannibalism everyday" "We love eating people" - Leila

"Maybe breakfast will be our always" - Caroline

"Why do people just assume Chris is a stoner?" - Dan

"Bone Daddy got Chris pregnant" - Caroline

"How do you imply necrophilia?" - Katie

"Tell Dan to grow a sense of humour along with his dick" - Leila

"I'm not dropping it!" - Megan *she says as she's dropping it*

"Maybe orgies are the only way to express love" - Megan



Don't let your memes be dreams - Finn

Hey Paul *Walks into glass door*- Conor

Why does Offaly exist? - Conor

ayy lmao - Maya

Where are my memesticks? - Cathal

It's the little things, like shitting into a bucket - David

I, too, spit blood on children - Luke

Not the only Sterling that's bad at the moment - David

Being homosexual isn't gay - Ivan

So, the main difference between WWE and the Catholic Church - Luke

Speaking as Lorcan's pregnant wife - Hugh

Despair rhymes with in there - Luke

Happy people don't shoot their husbands - Legally Blonde, a cinematic masterpiece

What's the best way to get Finn off - Anonymous

Japanese Language & Culture

Ciara: (to Claudia) I couldn't sit up because your vagina was in the way

Claudia: *surfer voice* dude, you're like totally harshing my mellow right now

Claudia: (to Aisling) Do you like The Smiths? Aisling: What's that?

Aisling: Stay tyre in coming

Aoife: *every five minutes* Where's my keycard?

Aisling: Let's wait for Aoife Everyone: *waits for ten minutes* what's taking her so long? Aoife: *shouts from her room* I'M WASHING MY FEET

Claudia: If I was a fly I wouldn't fly anywhere. I'd ironically walk.

Ciara and Claudia: Quit yer moanin'

Izzy: *does her entire Japanese culture project on cats*

Claudia: *to everyone* follow me on instagram

Niall: I'm turning the big One-Oh...I'm on the highway to death.

Izzy: *staring at a pond* I wanna be a fish, Claudia

Everyone: ..............pssssssssssssssssssst.................PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!

Claudia: *when anything happens* I'm not arsed with this

Ciara, Claudia & Aisling: ah sure, how's she cuttin'?

Aisling: (about being gay) ah sure ye couldn't be at that craic, shame the relatives

Claudia: cheeky wee bit of Catholocism

Niall: How much sugar is in those sweets? Claudia: So many.

Ciara: Niall has dandruff...what's a dandruff? Joseph: *looks at Claudia* I think it's a type of lesbian.

Izzy: *during her presentation* basically they were very grateful to the flying cat head.

Claudia: We could do a bit of renovation in the Alps, remodel some caves, rearrange some rocks

Kian (TI): come on kids, let's do some Katakana and chill

Joseph: If it's not considered pedophilia, then it's legal enough

Claudia: I'm gonna be on 16 & Pregnant Izzy: Claudia, you're gay.

Niall: *to Ciara with her hair down* you look like a man who tried to grow his hair out

Aisling: What about priests and vaginas?

Aising: I love the smell of the sun

Ciara and Claudia: FLUENT

Ciara: *attempting to say fluent in Spanish* SPLUENT

Claudia and Ciara: *trying to speak to the sportalians in Spanish" hasta la vista...estas guapo, ciao!

Aoife: Classic Claudia, goes for the shift after less than two days.

Claudia: I love a good shift and grimace

Claudia and Ciara: OHOHOHO

Aoife: "Goodnight everyone!" *doesn't go to bed*

Claudia: *surfer voice* dude, I can like FEEL Jupiter's moons protecting you right now.

Niall: *surfer voice, to Claudia* ....dude, I have a confession to make....I'm.........bromosexual

Claudia: *when anyone does anything* classic <insert name>

Aisling: *to Ciara* you can stay as long as you want as long as you turn your underwear inside out

Niall: we need to find me a non-amish, fertile female suitor not named Norman

Claudia: *to Ciara* Are you going for the shift tonight? Ciara: No! My mouth is small enough already without someone else's tongue in it

Aoife: *to Claudia* my mum is not going to have an extra-marital affair with a gay teenager!

Niall: My one true love is an artificial blow-up doll.

Claudia: tru, tru, tru

Claudia: fair

Kian (TI): *puts every meme in our Japanese coursebook*

Claudia: *smuggles Nutella packets from the canteen for Aisling*

Niall: *suppressed laugh*

Claudia: *reading a skit* "Where's Jason?" ".......smack"

Claudia and Ciara: That's illegal in Donegal

Ciara: Joseph's Snapchat is ArtichokeMeDaddy69

Joseph and Claudia: *ironic sexual tension*

Claudia: Joseph always tickles my V

Ciara: Look at all the birds on the penis

Claudia: We don't have bread in Donegal

Everyone: Meet you in the Drugs Corner

Claudia: *trying to write a 4 thousand word essay* How has women?

Niall: He totally wanted to be in my basement, dude.

Claudia: What time is it? Ciara: Time for you to shut the fuck up.

Niall: You just pinched my ass with your foot!

Niall: What is your obsession with my sternum?

Film Studies

"What is Russia?" - Maggie "Baby don't hurt me." - Molly

"No he didn't find the bike! That's the whole point of the film!" - Arianna

"I am Comic Sans." - Gabi

"You wouldn't want your eyebrows to be the embodiment of Comic Sans, would you?" - Maeve

(on Brian Blessed) "He scrambles eggs by shouting at them." - Steph

"Once I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot on the pedal and slamming it down. But it turned out she'd seen a bin open that way before." - Jack

"Food beyond compare, food beyond belief, mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef - the canteen." - Gabi

"Shauna 'Avatar' Caffery." - Gabi

(on Harrison Ford) "He was quite wooden. Which is ironic, for a carpenter." - Maeve

"I need a picture of his blue Speedos but there's none on the internet." - Molly

"If you lose it, you owe me two pairs of sunglasses." - Dermot

"When I die, I want to get full contour. So people can see me at my best." - Arianna

"Stickiness is great. Do you want some sticky leg?" - Steph

"She has to decide between her grandma, who's human, and this werewolf, who makes her feel so alive." - Gabi

"It's a bit rapey, but it's too funny to be rapey." - Molly

"And then there's this 'ho ho ho now I have a machine gun" moment." - Maeve

"It's that idea of communist bad guys." - Maeve "Just like me." - Gabi

"Her breasts are centre frame! It's so problematic!" - Jack

"Why does everybody ask me that? I like goats, I don't want to be a goat!" - Maeve

"I hate it when films reduce gay characters to just gay and nothing else." - Sam; "That's literally me though." - Gabi; "All sparkles and no substance." - Maeve

"If you could have any superpower what would it be?" - Jack; "Invisibility." - Molly; "Mine would be China." - Jack

"A couple of you have talked about how you're interested in Marxism..." - Sarah

"Goddamn, I love these peaches." - Jack

(discussing an all-gay Titanic) "It's the ultimate 'kill your gays'." - Maggie; "Sinking the ships." - Niamh.

"She's in f*** me in the a** 'cause I love Jesus." - Calum; "That's where I recognise her from!" - Gabi

"No we cannot go on a walk that is exactly 30m, Calum. The first step is to admit you have a problem." - Maeve

"PJ lives in the incestuous part of Galway, but it's alright because he's half-American." - Gabi; "Ballykineely: fun for all the family." - Jack

(on animation from 6 and 7 year-old Mini-Ts) "Did that pass the Bechdel test?" - Maggie

"There are also animations that are made specifically for adults. Not in...THAT way, though." - Maeve

(at cartoon bat) "Batman is SO handsome." - Maggie

"A woman's got 99 problems, but a dishwasher ain't one." - Maggie

"Wow." - Owen Wilson

"New Zealand is technically part of the world." - Conor

"All those people in South Korea all like 'it's not like it used to be, we want to be oppressed' and then they go to North Korea and they're like 'shit'." - Arianna

"Do you ever wish you could have a body like Dick Van Dyke's?" - Molly

"Gabrielle Fullam? Who's that?" - Calum "Is that your only friend?" - Dermot

"Pick a side!" - Everyone @ Gabi

(playing Guess the Film) "Jack's Weird World?" - Sarah "Doctor Who?" - Arianna

"I'm a black belt in taekwondo." -Alex "I don't believe you. Show me. Beat me up. Come on. Fight me Alex." -Arianna [Alex beats Arianna up] "I think my boob just fell off." - Arianna

"I'm Hillary and everyone else is trump. I'm better but not by much" - Arianna

"It's a Mumblecore buddy comedy about escaping to North Korea" - Arianna

Trying to catch me riding dirty I feel like that could fit with their film - Calum; CALUM NO!!! - everyone

I'm a green tea whore - bad YouTube makeup artist/everyone

Do the police join in? - Calum; CALUM - everyone

No child will want to go on a bus or go to their grandmas house or go on buses after this

oh shit no I just realised - Arianna

It was really interesting and good that no one wrote about the same subject in the essays - Maeve Well, you only write the right essay once - Arianna

Is that foreshadowing? - Arianna

OH MY GOD NO - Sarah and Arianna after Once

"I need a stunt double for real life" - Arianna

"I'd bang a 3D model of that" - Steph (on Hiccup the Horrendous Haddock)

Calum: I had a dream once that my brother was a dog. Dermot: Selin said that if I was a dog I'd be a dalmation. Calum: I'd probably be a pug because they're stupid and run into things a lot. Dermot: well you look like one. Sarah: I'd be a bermese mountain dog. Arianna: I'd be an overweight chihuahua, loud, annoying, and doesn't do anything.

I love... colours - Sarah

It's pretty motherfucking great - Molly on the oedepus complex

I hate myself but I'm loving every moment of it - Oisin

"[the entire ghostbusters theme]" - everyone

I’m NOT cutting myself ironically - Steph

It’s more about the busters than the ghosts - Alex

I will be on top - Maeve

You are a children - Alex

#DeadLivesMatter - steph

I can honestly say I’ve never put a computer part inside me - Steph

How dare you assume my shape - Alex

*laughs at woman getting hit by a kettle*- whole class

International Relations A (a.k.a. I.R.A.)

"I don't believe in kinkshaming but I do believe in keeping your kinks to yourselves." - Molly

"Are you Irish?" - Amina "Yeah" - Karl "No! Are you serious? Wow!" - Amina

"What's Saddam Hussain doing at Eurovision?" - Molly "I'd pay to see that." - Gabi

"Australia's not even real. When was the last time you saw Australia?" - Gabi

(on wearing half a tin foil hat) "Now Enda Kenny can only read half my thoughts." - Molly "FOILED again!" - Joseph

(on High School Musical) "I watched all three movies in one sitting." - Molly "And you said masochism was dead." - Joseph

International relations B

"IRB" - Everybody

"We can't be friends with benefits with Britain" - Keelan

"The UK is my fetish" - James

"They're not concentration camps, they're correctional labour facilities" - David

"Micheal Collins was apparenty a good lover" - Annabelle "I would know" - Jessica

"800 years of oppression lol" - Brigid

(in front of Colm O Reily while being filmed) "The nuclear bombing of Japan was good though" - Keelan

"We need an army! What if Allahu Akbar attacks us?!" - Rachel

"When I was in first year, I wanted to spell my name with k to be edgy" - Jessika

(in relation to the Falklands Islands) "Operation reclaim the sheep" - Billy

"Aww but I love segregation" - David

"I don't write the quotes, I just say them" - Rachel

"Let's just kill all the children" - David

"What if the kindergartners tell ISIS we're here?" - Rachel

"Just kill the kindergartners, they are all going to become jihadis anyway"- David"

"Kosovo and Sweden are sound out, if they had snapchat, they would definitely have a streak" - Rachel

"Imagine Micheal D Higgins with nukes" - Jessica "But he's a hobbit" - Amina

"The stomach wants what the stomach wants" Leah

"There has been bullying and extortion going on between delegations"(everyone turns to Sean)

"It's all crap! *tears up human rights recommendations*" -Keelan, being the USA

"Is the airlock door to prevent poison gas attacks?" -Malachi

"When you were younger, did you ever break your toy in order to fix it?" -Hugh "Are you comparing Turkey to a toy???" -Annabelle

"It's a shame against humanity" -Jessica

"I think we should forcefeed al-Baghdadi pork, make him wash it down with strong whiskey, force him to play Pokemon Go, and make him listen to the Satanic Verses" -David

"The EU would like to say that we will not be threatened by a human rights violator like Turkey and that we will have lots of fun with our refugee friends!" -Brigid

"Look at all the people who are good with money. They're Jews." -David

"Yo! I'm an NGO

And it's going pretty slow

To be an NGO is kinda shit

You just sit around and complain about it" -Billy

"Why do I keep looking at you when I talk about potatoes?" -Thamil "I don't know..." -Malachi

"Do you like hot food?" -Thamil "Um... I don't know?" -Malachi

"Garlic" -James' nickname

"Theresa May is my Bae"- James

Martha(T.A):"I'm going to be in a traveling circus going around Belgium and the Netherlands next year" Annabelle(laughing):"I thought you were being serious there" Martha(Offended tone):"I am being serious" Annabelle:".....oh"

"Don't mock him, he's my bro!" -Thamil

Medicine B

"That film was traumatising!" -Everyone

"Can we spend the day watching House?" -Everyone

"I love House" -Nearly Everyone

"Racist!!!!" -Dwaihi

"You can have 90% of my album when I become the new Rihanna" -Mutiat

(to the tune of 'Titanium') "I'm waterproof, nothing to lose, water away, water away" - Jodie & Jessie

Steve - "You need to stop eating bigmacs or you'll explode"

Steve - "Hopefully this won't make any sense"

Steve - "What's wrong with your cousin?" Aoife - "Well among other things..."

Claire - "Get a pin and sort of poke it"

Aoife - "Can I test the sensation in your T4 and S2 areas?" *suggestively winks*

Steve - "So that's fluent aphasia. It actually reminds me of my girlfriend"

Steve - "There's a lot more to happiness than just dopamine... you know, adrenaline, serotonin, lots of stuff"

Aoife - *puts a heart in the bin* Áine - *sings Jar of Hearts*

Aoife - *puts a heart on the sleeve of her lab coat* "Bringing new meaning to wearing your heart on your sleeve"

  • On the words 'domestic tension' Steve grimaces*

Ellen - "I can see your face!" Steve - ""

Case Study - "She claims not to partake of 'social drugs'"

Case Study - "In what Siobhán describes as a 'very stable and loving relationship'"

Steve - "She used to have a huge goitre"

Steve - "This person has collapsed! WHAT DO YOU DO?" Duahi - "Umm... call the nurse?"

Steve - "If you're going to get herpes, get it up here instead of down there"

Áine - "Every sip of snapple is one step closer to death"

Aoife - "Don't cabbage me while I'm cabbaging you"

Steve - "So that's the 6" *points at 72*

Claire - "Why would they put all the gay people together?"

Teacher from Industrial Relations - "Oh there's 20 in your class? NOT FOR LONG" *Walks out ominously*

Aoife - *coughs during presentation* Steve - "And then you ingest nerve gas and die"

Everybody - "Lorenzo" Claire - *Breaks down in tears*

Handout - "An extraordinary event... OF DEATH"

Steve - "But hopefully none of you will get Zika or pregnant in the upcoming months so you don't have to worry about it"

Áine - "Aoife has a hair pulling kink"

Steve - "head trauma" Áine - *stares at Aoife* Claire - *stares at Áine*

Aoife - "You know what's a great business?" Everyone - "TINY BABY COFFINS"

Ellen - "This is not the time to squish your eyelids"

Steve (on the life of an anesthesist) - "Give him the anesthetic, flick through Facebook, 'We're all done here?' Take him out of the coma or whatever', Alright see you at the next one'

Steve - "Actually nevermind democracy" Steve (a week later) - "This is a socialist classroom!"


Claire - "Just stuff your doughnut in there"

Steve - "Why have we called the husband?" Aengus - "Cause she's probably gonna die"

Steve - "What does obtunded mean?" Aengus - "She's dead"

Claire - *puts pin inside the Left Anterior Descending artery* "I'm entering the LAD"

Aoife and Claire - "Lamby the Lamb with the Fucked up Septum"

Steve - "Umm is there a registrar here?" Everybody - "OOH BURN!"

Claire - "Is it regularly irregular or irregularly irregular?"

? - "What happens if you fail the test?" Steve - "You resit them. Thankfully they don't just tell you to shag off"

? - *insults someone* Aoife - "Oooh would you like a skin graft for that 3rd degree burn?"

Steve - "So it's 15 years later and you're buying milk in the shop. Then suddenly you look at the aisle next to you and your clone is standing there!"

Steve - "What causes a burn?" ? - "Hot liquids" ? - "Friction" Harry - "Good comebacks"

Steve - *said in Corkonian accent* "Ah sure put a bit a holy water on it, ye'll be fine"

Ellen - "Well you're not going to turn up, dump six kidneys on the table and say 'hey I want to sell some kidneys!'"

Steve - "And you die. Simple"

"What else does a dietician do?" *stares at confused room for 2 minutes* "I meant Speech and Language therapist" *stares at confused room again for uncomfortable length of time* "I meant physiotherapist" - Steve

"I'd probably die" - Steve "Aww..." - Everyone

"Who's the House Officer?" - Steve

  • Áine puts her hand up*

"Áine's the House Officer" - Claire

"Should we talk about the cerebellum?" - Steve "No, we shouldn't go on a tangent" - ?

  • Five minutes later (on a tangent)*

"So consultants are the most important"

  • After Aine describes her science teacher's terrible advice*

"Well that's why they're a science teacher" - Steve "OHHH" - everyone

"It's basically a glorified car peeler" - Steve (on the subject of skin grafts)

"Don't quote what I just said" - Helen "I won't quote the quote" - Claire "What quote?" - Aoife "Don't quote the quote!" - Helen "I wanna quote the quote!" - ? "Do NOT quote the quote!" - ?

  • 2 mins later*

"I just said 'don't quote the quote', how did this become suicidal?" - ?

Music Production

"Whenever I want to be sad I imagine an onion cutting itself" - Mark

"If stars had a sound, I imagine that's what they would sound like" - Julie (in reference to her Glockenspiel)

"You wouldn't like minions if you ever saw minion porn" - Tara

"Is that a thing do birds get married?" - Tara

"Puptuals" - Tara

"What is it with music people and bread rolls? It's like the bread roll mafia" - Tara

"Fancy man with the fancy physics" - Mark (to Matthew)

"Have you ever seen chicken feet? Chicken feet are WELL weird" - Tara

"Dark lives matter cause like dark matter and then black lives matter, ya? no." - Mark

"I'm making my way back up, yay" - Francesca

*miscellaneous noises* - Brónagh

"You can just catch a seagull and be a pirate then" - Tara

"My syndrome may be down but my hope is up" - Mark

"Why is a 12 year old telling women to flaunt it?" - Tara

"Put it right down the cleavage" - Lucy

"The mixer mooxing mixits fun to watch what what what" - Pen

"Is that a shark" - Shauna (T.A.)

"I'm lost, I want what you're on" - Francesca

"This is weird, like really f*cking weird, like this is the weirdest thing I have ever done" - Brónagh

"RAviolu" - Pen

"We just like RAviolu" - Pen

"Ooh Blue" - Brónagh

"Clicking is an African language"- Tara

"That was deep and political and I love it" - Shauna (T.A.)

*weird noises*" Its crazybrónagh" - Pen

"That's my hole, you go down there for peace, Get out of my hole* - Francesca (to Brónagh )

"Going to do all the trees in Farmleigh and find some nice holes to insert myself into" - Tara

"We're high on CTYI" - Caragh

"Oh oh no why do you keep putting me further underground" - Francesca

"It's gone... ohh... everything's gone" - Francesca

"Grab....Grab from there, grab all the way down, perfect *drawn out moan* - Tal (to Cíllian)

"Mark I'm going to cut off your hand" - Ciara

"I'm not beautiful without my Sonic hat" - Pen

"That sounds like a strange sex move *a flanger* - Caragh

"Brontosaurus wail and Taylor Swift? Basically the same thing" - Shauna (T.A.)

"Once you have made Garageband your slave" - Shauna (T.A.)

"This is Satan singing in the shower" - Mark

*whispers* "The Voices" - Mark

"He just reminded me of a stripper" - Brónagh (talking about Mark)

"Chugga chugga wowoh bass" - Cíllian

"It'd be racist if they hit us cause you know Afrikaans" - Mark (to Brónagh)

"Is this marijauna in my good Christian neighbourhood?" - Pen

"Let's do a class caw-caw" - Laura (T.I.)

"I know I look like I'm mildly gonna kill someone" - Shauna (T.A.)

"Erotic Literature? I'm a fan" - Tal

"Yous are only 14" - Hannah (to Brónagh/Tara)

"Yous are only 13" - Hannah (to Hannah with the Sly Grin)

"Let me just get out my porn folder" - Tara "You're 12 Tara please!" - Hannah

"Hannah, they saw me skipping" - Julie

"My hammies are burnt out" - Tal

"Will you come lamping Hannah?" - Tal

"Stay, Stand, Come.....Wait no... Stand, Stay, Come" - Brónagh

*creepy humming* "Would you like to go *long pause* lamping" - Hannah

"Did they have movie trailers back in 2006?" - Brónagh

"Yes my regular glasses for my eye muscles" - Ciara

"Don't let your memes be dreams" - Mark

(After listening to a peice of music) "It's like a psychopath trying to tell themselves they're okay and repeating the same thing over and over" - Cillín

"Ye bastards of many" - Mark

"I'll slay you all"- Tara

"Can we jump him when he come in cause I really want to take his shirt" - Julie

"There is a guaranteed 7" - Brónagh

"I'm feeling very quotable right now, I've had a lot of coffee"- Shauna (T.A.)

"It's funny how Swedish people are called Swedes, like turnips" - Tara

"Matty K" - Tal

"Feel the oranges" - Laura (T.I.)

"Without an abundance of dairy products, capitalism crumbled" - Julie

"Everyone knows real education comes from the lid of a Snapple bottle" - Ciara

"You know those doors that open that particular way? I hate those doors" - Julie

"At home, draw David Bowie murals on the wall in ketchup as much as you like" - Shauna (T.A.)

"He has to live a double life so no one finds out the English nerd is the biker hero" - Brónagh

"Tell your best friend and lover what's wrong with his banana" - Hannah (to Matthew about Tal)

"Watching the muscles contort in HIS hammies - that's great" - Julie on Enda (R.A.)

"We're all to school for cool Mark that's why we're here" Ciara

"He's one of ours now. He's seen sweatpants" - Brónagh

"Don't wander off or you will be found by dragons and killed" - Shauna (T.A.) "It's true. It happened to my cousin. She's dead" - Laura (T.I.)

"Now my phone's about to die so we should go before we get lost and eaten by dragons. Cos that's what happens when phones die. You get eaten by dragons. Dragons know" - Shauna (T.A.)

"Misty and Jessie were having lesbians" - Órla

"Prod squad stand for Penny is really obviously dank squad" - Ciara

"They're so many different shapes and sizes what do they all do?" Órla on makeup brushes "The Sportalians???" - Tara

"Then we'd be the pink eye ladies" - Francesca

"Guys a baby gorilla was born in Dublin zoo" - Lucy "Aww" - everyone "Yeah and its father is dead" - Hannah

"Real friends take out each others' contacts" - Hannah

"I don't have a culchie accent" - Tal

"I knew we should have used birth control" - Tal

"It's called Turnt Beats" - Tara "Is that beats with a z?" - Laura (T.I.) "I'm not that turnt" - Tara

"I heard bread rolls then I got excited about carbs" - Tara "What type of carbs? Lean carbs?" - Matthew "No, protein carbs"  - Tara "Gotta get those gains" - Matthew

"Mmm Spider" - Cillín "Spiders and peppers and pasta" - Matthew "Mmm Protein" - Cillín

"....That's what we're going to be doing with the Film Studies people!" - Hannah "Murder them in their sleep?" - Tal

"Atoms are just tiny bits of Jesus still floating around" - Tara

"Let me hug your vagina Brónagh" - Órla

"Wait which hole do you blow into" - Hannah with the Sly Grin

"Suck it really hard and it might come out" - Darren of ARC

"I have no sucking power" - Brónagh

"I know I should be sucking but I wanna chew" - Brónagh

"Special wooden sticks" - Tara

"Claim that bench like you claimed JohnJoe last night" - Tara to Brónagh

"What do you call a glockenspiel that weighs a ton? Heavy metal" - Tara

"All I wanna do is see Julie birth a giant baby" - Órla

"Can you beat the anemic with tacos?" - Julie

"The song in my heart is too sad for this album" - Julie

"But if you kill her then I'll have to take the bananas out of the fridge" - Ciara

"It's like I'm pregnant but from my arms" - Julie

"Dirt just fell from the trees" - Órla

"I wouldn't trade you for two camels, Órla" - Hannah

"We have two Hannahs. It was inevitable that one of them would end up dead" - Ciara

"One Capri-sun and she's over the edge" - Tara on Hannah

"Can you see *points to ukulele* MAHALO" - Tara

"Did Lucan ingest your ukulele?" - Tara

"This is Irish dancing, lads. This is what they mean when they say traditional Irish dancing." - Lucy? "No wonder people emigrate" - Tal

"Can somebody please drop some dank beats on this album" - Shauna (T.A.)

"Guys do we want Shia LaBeouf to be a camel with one hump or two humps" - Órla

"It isn't over until never" - Caragh


"What could a women possibly do in a kitchen?" ~Caoimhe "Belong"~ Ethan

"If I squint hard enough I could be sexually attracted to Caoimhe"~ Liam "I don't gotta squint"~ Michael

"I just look myself straight in the eye and its up out and down in five minutes" ~ Michael

"Hitler was like 'Oh shit, pink's gay'" -Liam

"Are [paper] boats okay?"~ Liam "No it can be used for terrorism"~ Irene

"You're just a verbal prostitute" ~Ben "I think I'm more of a verbal predator" ~Michael

"Is genicide illegal?" ~ Caoimhe

"Manslaugter; bad?"~James (TI)

"Asians are ugly"~ Sam

"Are you shooting me?"~James

"Betty is my chair daddy"~Lola

"maybe I should have change this but hey here I am"~James

"I think a good way to sort this would be to take occasional brisk walk to clear the mood"~JohnJoe

"I want to die"~Everyone

"I've got a heart problem"~Anna "It's because of that bad attitude"~Liam

"i'm going to die alone*badumtiss*"~Ciara H

"I'm not shoving my curry up your arse"~Emer

"Emer i'm just so passionate about mayonnaise"~Sasha

"The ideal realm won't argue with you"~James

"So is absolut vodka the ideal vodka?"~Emer

"Is this is torture with a Capital T?"~Liam

"It's about confusing versus even more confusing"~Conor

  • Three weeks of Kant puns*~ Everyone

"you can't just usurp me over how I say scone"~Emer

"I don't want you to rant from your personal Vat of bile"~James

"That's my bio now: not quite nothing"~Ethan

  • Sneezes*"oh God I'm allergic to communism"~James

"can the real Socrates please stand up"~Emer

"You're a vegetable"~Liam

"I don't want to listen to Taylor Swift"~Anna

"Make your dreams a fatality"~Sasha

"Scone me to death"~Sasha "At least if a scone (like cone) kills you it's an honourable death; but scone (like gone) is just ew"~Liam

"Do you want a little sleep you look so sad"~Irene (TA)

"It's kind of like a gorilla getting fruit from the tree"~Ciara "We didn't ask for your autobiography"~Sasha

"there are no pinches of salt to be taken"~James

"Id enslave the straights and make them do some good old fashion hard manual labour"~Emer

"I will destroy you Conor"~Jack

"God has confiscated your phone"~Shane

  • points in James' direction*"That looks like daddy"~Emer

"It was hard to find the [repeal the eighth jumper] we almost had to abort mission"~Michael

"you can't spell sting with out STI; or hive without HIV"~Caoimhe

"Maybe the real synthesis is the friends you made along the way"~Lola "Who needs friends"~James

  • Bird screeches outside the classroom*"Same"~Everyone

"Ha your people died"~James

"There is no escaping despair"~James

"Stop this laughing it is disgusting"~James

  • angrily draws venn diagram*~James

"I think I just drank my lipstick"~Anna

"Conor has two moms"~Lola

"why would you want a tissue that /stops/ Death?"~Liam

"it's like Christmas dinner too many unnecessary relatives"~Ciara

"I have such a pessimistic view of life that its nice to believe theres something more"~James

"Theres no such thing as too much despair"~James

"It's super short"~Anna "Just like my life I hope"~Liam

"Philosophy has more relationships than you'll ever have"~Anna

"Emo diaries of 1805"~Arthur

"there is a H in there; H for hating myself"~Liam

"you did a great job well done here is despair"~James

"Despair is the gift that literally keeps on giving"~James

"Capitalise me D-D-Daddy"~Liam

"The only pain killers that I like are the pains that kill me"~Sasha

"i'm not a philosopher"~Ben "you're a fourth order simulacra is what you are"~James

"More like Bill and teds outdated adventure"~Conor

"take five minutes to laugh at the word homosexual"~James

"All I did was crush your hopes and dreams what's so bad about that I mean your parents do with that every day"~Anna


  • 20 minutes of laughing*~Everyone
"My how time flies with despair"~JohnJoe

"i'm a slut for the sun"~Caoimhe

"Most trains go in one end and don't come out the other end"~Jack

"I came in feeling like shit now I'm just confused"~Emer

"try heroin its so much better [than monster]"~Liam

"Guys no chanting"~Irene

"I don't want to sound like a Communist like don't believe the man but like don't believe the man"~James

"we are not friends"~Irene

"i'm just a very angry man"~James

"So that's like making a chainsaw cutting off your head then blaming the chainsaw"~Conor

  • hasnt heard of oasis*~Conor
  • takes off glasses and rubs face in despair*~James

"It looks like I scabbard by creative writing again"~James

"Well done Kieran your tiny monkey brain can get it"~James

"CTYI canteen have replaced real soup the pale imitation of soup"~James


“We need more batteries.” - Everyone

“Running down the street naked with a pack of condoms screaming eureka.” - Caoime, Jack B and Eoghan

“It’s not a question of whether or not I can get it in” - Amy

“Touch me please.” - Caoime

“Just fuck off into space.” - Jack Brady

“It’s vibrating my p…….izza box.” - Eoghan

“Please don’t break the space bar.” - Lizzy the TA

“Join the elbow orgy.” - Alan H

“Oh what a delicious little baby.” - Caoime

“YAY! Protection!” - Panya

“I’m missing my furry side.” - Jack Brady

“When I grow up I want to be a ride-on vacuum cleaner.” Jack Moore

“Sticky is always fun.” - Amy

“Foots are people too.” - Caoime

“It’s going to be cool when I’m dead.” - Panya

“When I grow up I want to kick robots.” - Caoime

“Holes are a way of life.” - Jessie

“Killing is more efficient.” - David

“It’s like we’re beating a child in its early developmental stage” - Alan H

“Hey David! Let's touch tips” - Jack Moore

“I probably wouldn’t do it with my sister but you know….” - Jessie

“Try licking a car battery. That’s where the fun is” - Jack Mac

“Are you giving yourself a lobotomy?” - Daire “I hope so” - Alan H

“Why are you groping me?” - Alan H

“Smell my cucumbers” - Jessie

“It sprayed water through it’s non-open lid” - Amy

“Honey! I’m home, where’s my rape whistle?” - Sophie

“I didn’t balance it properly and now the Jews are going to take over” - Alan H

“Fucking Jesus tits” - Alan H

“Alan is currently screwing the sticks” - Amy

“I want to be inside of you, Alan” - Eoghan “Who doesn’t?” - Jack Moore

“This was programmed by a gibbon” - Alan H

“This is the worst blanket fort ever” - Domhnall the Lecturer (after seeing Alan under the table)

"Why have feelings when you can have eelings?” - Alan H

“I just put up with the cancer - and not the tasty kind.” - Alan H

“You literally just slapped my hole.” - David

“Lubrication: the website. She’s really cute, I just gotta.” - Dáire

“Just, like, get off each other, okay?” - Lizzy the TA

“I love extorting the needy.” - Jack Moore

“Are pigeons into kinky rope stuff?” - Eoghan

“I never knew boobs could be so informative.” - Sophie “What do your boobs tell you Amy?” - Sophie

“Don’t you know that roosters have sex with human women seven times a day?” - Dáire

“He’s gonna do me and then paint my face.” - Dáire

"Alan perches better than any of you" - Jack Moore

"Stand for the Russian national anthem, stand or you're a disgrace" - Jack Moore

"Nobody here even knows the daNk memes" - Ryan

"Hey. You wanna buy my mix tape? It's a hundred and ten percent fire" - Ryan

Game Theory

Welp, that's another quote - pj

I only have Chinese strippers on a Friday - Jenny

What colour is my shirt? - Everyone

I'll give you five Garnets for a blowjob - Pj

You can't do cultural appropriation without a little racism - Pj

Ah, it's good to be racist - Pj

Oh shit, there's two pedos on the loose, one of them a liar! - Cian

Hell yeah, we're both retarded - Cian

Your Spanish guitar is too edgy for us - Jack

Hm? That stands for .... homosexual monkeys - Andrew

if he calls me a happy little accident I'll pay him - Callum

Your gonna have irradiated babies in your ass - Pj

Ah it's just casual Korean racism, don't worry - Niall

That is a big brown stain - Jack

They're probably like cancer for you but they taste amazing - Owen

Any commuters have money for lunch and dinner? - Paul

That's interesting - poker guy

Ok, I need to take a shit, but now I can shit pleasantly knowing that my shoes are dapper - Owen

I kind of solved cancer - Cian

Mmm, I've come to the conclusion that it kills you - Jack

That but sounded bigger than you are - Andrew

It's not racist, they're only Korean - Cian

FIGHTING - Koreaboos

Go back to Reddit - Conor

But goats can be cattle too right guys? - Owen

I have learnt the importance of separating the battle from the war in order for one to mentally break another human being - Ellen

Popular Fiction:

"But we want to be Soviet Russia more!" -David

"Yay, I'm North Korea!" - Grace

"Everything I say should be an inspirational quote." - Caleb

"We should all be credited for not dying every day" - Rhys

"It's worth it for good donuts" -Rhys and Ben's Motto/philosophy

"You can't have a cold war without the other half" - Grace


"All da nukes"-Ben

"All da nukes from Vladamir Puts" - Rhys

"Quick, everyone say something quotable!" - Ben

"In my school I'm known as the world's most stupid genius. I achieved this title for coming up with stupid ideas that are actually really good. Most notably is replacing treadmils with hamster wheels" - Rhys

"The goal of the game is to win" - Ben

"Philosophy is so deep it's coming out their asses" - Caleb

"The weather is broken" - Aisling.C, in relation of that one hot Tuesday

"What is the quotable quote of the quoteness"-Grace

"BISCUITSSS oh wait no goddamnit i meant COOKIESSSSS"- JJ

"I can't think of anything suitably satirical to say" - Caleb, writing on the evaluation form

"I regret everything: Famous last words" - Joel

"We should've let the door close on the cripple" - Ben

"I cheated on the entrance exam" - Caleb

"My eyes are merely sweating" - JJ

"Is he in the army or is he cosplaying?". -JJ

"You said you'll give him a genuine euro" "But I'm not a genuine person" - Rhys

"How does one murder a seal" - Ben

"Moving swiftly on!' - Everyone

"Im hardcore judging you people" - Aisling.C

"I say a lot of quotable things, but I have no friends to put them on the site." -Joel, replied to by Ben with "I'm gonna quote that purely because I feel sympathy for you."

"Japan had an interesting everything." -Rhys

"This class has turned into memes!" - Grace

"It's more bent than my perception of sanity" -JJ in reference to the phone-bending incident

  • koala puns* - Caleb
  • Is done with everyone's bullshit* - Grace

When asked if he would blend a baby in a blender, Hugh replied:"China would do it"

"It's something about maple syrup and distrust" - Aisling

"I am an idiot" - JJ, 96301 times a day

"I'm just going to theripudically smash this frozen loaf of bread off the wall" - Rhys

  • Multilingual cursing* - JJ

Social Psychology

"Where do gills go?" - Caoimhe

"I wasn't the one who poisoned them, I just put them out of their misery." Shane

"It's green, why is it green?" Joanne

"I think Santa should wear black, that'd be pretty cool. After all he is breaking into your house." - El

"In the nicest possible way, people are stupid." Joanne

"Titty Tuesday" - El

"Don't quote groping Thursday" - El

"No don't quote that!" Shane

"Ciara if you don't stop, you're going to be the bleak and meaningless one after I lobotomize you." - El

"Can we kill Shane now?" - Albert (And everyone else at some point or another)

"Pigs can fly if you use a catapult." - Aoife "Goddamn angry birds." - Joanne

"If you're wondering, that's fly blood." - Ciara

"It looks like I'm being kind but I'm actually giving you cancer." - El

"How to accidentally join a lesbian threesome." El

"Suck my torch of freedom bitches." - El

"Shane Murphy, what is a Dubliner doing at the plowing championship?" Feral

"We could call you the daddy of the group." - Aoife

"Ciara's laugh" - Ciara

"Pregnancy is meant to hurt, so a mother wouldn't want the baby to die right?" - Conn

"It's all about the neck movements." Shane

"Now that's a Cork grunt." -Hannah

"I feel like this is foreplay and I don't want to be a part of it." - Ciara


"Just another gift from the average American taxpayer" -Everyone about everything.

"The guy who invented the segway called me crazy! And he's a crazy guy" -Everyone

"You need some milk!" -Everyone

"Is that spider cute or evil looking"- Ciara "Well it has long legs and long legs are considered nice these day." -Ashling

"I must do this to defeat my insecurities!" -Ronan "What insecurities?" -Ciara "I'm not sure, something apple-related." -Ronan (while eating the core and stem of an apple)

"What do you think you're doing?! SWALLOW!" -Liam (to Ronan)

"Where is your tongue- ohhhh" -Liam

"I'm not saying I want to see you whipped, I'm saying I want to whip you!" -Liam (to Billy)

"Liam, you and me should netflix and chill with my dad." -Ashling

"How would you feel if your whole family died?" -Liam "Well, it would be a pity." -Ronan

"Arif, where's your dick?... I was going to ask if I could feel it but I realised that would be wrong." -Ashling

"I thought prostitution was a religion, like that one up the North." -Ashling

"I consider democracy and dictatorship to be the same thing, I mean they are in the same genre." -Ashling

"Does water get heavier if it gets wet?" -Ashling

"Is Muhammad Ali a member of ISIS?" -Ashling

"I get oral sex now!" -Ashling

"I would have an orgy with our entire class." -Renee

"When you're in an orgy, do you actually see other people naked?" -Ashling

"If I get fucked any harder, I'll get a heart attack." -Yanai (read by the TI, TA and the ARCs)

"How many legs does an octopus have?" -Ronan "They have 8 testicles!" -Ashling

General Interest

"Is the that Snapple in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" - Caoilfhinn

"I'm an optimistic nihilist; the meaning of life is death, but is that really such a bad thing?" - Emer

"It's the little things, like shitting in a bucket" - David M.

"How do you add quotes?" - Everyone

""When you fall, I will always be there" - Floor "(Unless you fall of a cliff ;))"" - Rhys

"No one actually said this" - No one

"All I've learned here is innuendos" - Ciara

"There are yellow paint pretty things and vodka pretty things." - Emer

"Penneys do surprisingly good bras until the underwire decides to shank you." - Emer

"You don't need romantic entanglements, girls." - Fiona RA "We just need points!" Rachel

“I’m not going to talk about kids’ assholes!” - Killian

“I’m always on top when when it’s me and Tal.” - Killian

“Notes come first, then humping.” - Killian

“Do I want John and Sherlock to bang? Is that what you’re asking me?” -Tal

“We had angry werewolf sex earlier.” - Renee

“Did I miss another Tal beating session?” - Killian -“You promised you’d stop after our first year.” - Tal

“7 facts you won’t believe! Number 5 will make you fuck your dad.” -Darragh

“I’m a fucking donut” - Renee

“What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen?" "I was going to say this video I saw of a guy jumping out of the back of a pick-up truck wearing speedos into a cactus but then I remember someone flew a plane into the world trade centre.” - Darragh

“What’s the worst idea you’ve ever had?” - Alan H “Talking to girls” - Jack M

“If they had a pair of David’s shoes on the Titanic a lot more people would have been saved.” - Tal

“7/11 was a part time job” - Nicky

“You have to have some alone time with yourself and your electric toothbrush” - Darragh

“Dibs on being the one to keep their balls” - Stephen

“I have two penises on my wrist” - Darragh

“My pelvic thrusts control Jack’s head movements” - Darragh

“The constant smell of Jack’s musk is what keeps me going everyday” - Darragh

“I was hoping it was dogshit” - Darragh

“Your bottle is pointy hardy.” - Eoghan

“This is worse than mermaid bondage porn.” - Jack Moore

“I sexually identify as a steel galvanised bull.” - Darragh

“I just got wet for the first time.” - David

“I should have kept the sex toys.” - Jack Moore

“I’m sure you’re delicious.” - Jessie

“Summer arsehole to Ricky Gervais.” Alan H

“That’s my earliest memory. My mom needing to take a shit.” - Alan H

“You’re a gherkin.” - Alan H

“Your family tree is a cactus. They’re all pricks.” - Caoime

“I like listening to screaming orphans.” - Amy

*waves hands* “Yay revenge!” - Jack Moore

“These arms were made for holes.” - Jack Moore

“Bitches love communism.” - Alan H

“Woah I’ve just been murdered.” - Alan H

“Why is my mouth a black hole?” - Jack Brady

“I love guys who threaten me with knives.” - Jack Mc

“Have more weed. Make more stories.” - Jack Brady

“She smoked one weed.” - Jack Brady

“Drug addicts are actually really nice people.” - Caoime

“Pokemon Go: The best navigation system since google maps” - Jack Mc

“Sorry about this Tal, I’m going to envelop you in my legs” - David

“Why does he value his lungs?” - Caitlin

Alan H to Tal “I’m aroused but unamused”

“I’m gonna ask Enda to sign my boobs” - Enric

“Dental Hygiene: 1. Fire: 0” - Jack M

“By camp do you mean KAMPF!?”- Alan H

*Click**Click**Click**Click* “I’m a heterosexual” - Tal

“You’re not my Dad!” ”This isn’t my sweater” ”Where is my mom” “This is the ‘Circus’” -Duolingo

“At least my parents didn’t call me fucking Anus Ball” - Adam H

“Y’know hitler wasn’t that bad, he just didn’t know how to turn off a computer” -Alan H

“Not the word, Actual poor” - Alan H

“If only it wasn’t animal cruelty to tie up the sportalians” - Alan H

“I’ve never felt so much emotion for a tiny cartoon mouse lemur thing” - Amy

“Knee-pit; it’s like an armpit, for your knee!” - Amy

“You’re a big bowl of semi-skimmed milk” - Eamon

“I use lots of industrial lubricants, wait whaaaaaaaaaaaat?” - Jack M

“D’ya reckon I could fit in the oven? [silent pause] D’ya reckon I could fit in the fridge” - Jack M

“Is Optimus Prime black?” Harry C

“I sexually identify as a steel galvanised bull” - Darragh

“A wild fourgy appears!” - Jake

“I’m trying to think of something that would make children moan that’s not sexual” - Scott

“Stop fucking me with your cat ears!” - Alan H

“It’s not sexual if we’re all handcuffed” - Eoghan

“You’re a gherkin” -Alan H

“Yaay! My favourite! I was hoping it was dog shit” - Darragh

“Fiddly-diddly buttfuck” - Oran

“Shank me granny!” - Daire “Shag me granny” - Alan H

Computer Gaming

"Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul Paul... " - Michael O'Connell


"Both my parents aren't Polish so technically I am" -Ruth

"Ew no I can't crouch I don't wanna crease my new shoes and I can't sit down cuz I'm in a white skirt and I can't sit on my bag because it's Marc Jacobs. UUUUUUUUuuuugh why is my life so hard?"-Selin

"Get Kwenched" -Liam

"Trump is my sugar daddy." - Alannah

"Some people are homosexual. I'm Homersexual." - Alannah

"If he's the cucumber, I'm the vaseline." - Alannah

"How come you can't form a straight line?" - the R.A.s "Because none of us are straight!" - ?

"I voted for Hillary!" - ?

"I'd do Dumbledore." - ?

"Jesus died and came back as Harambe, who died and came back as Emer. That's how I see it" - Brother Landers on Emer Lorenz

"There is nothing you cannot achieve through violence and corruption" - Brother Landers

"I didn't know Emer was a lesbian, that's so sad" Hannah on Emer Lorenz

"Who here would marry Fiachra?" - Molly *all hands raise* "He can be my daddy." - Julie

"I would move heaven and earth for that man" - Julie on Fiachra

"Fuck me dead" - Molly "That's very aggressive" - Jack

"I would have nicknamed her Lolo because not only is she small but she's quite buttery" - Julie on Emer Lorenz

"I am 4chan. I just am the whole of 4chan." - Colm

"Imagine if you were into candy bondage" - Julie

"Sweet and sour bondage just like me" - Molly

"All the Japanese are male models" - Jack "Even the women" - Joseph

"This is a zoo for plants." - Molly "The only difference between this and a zoo is that if a child gets into the avocado enclosure you don't have to shoot it." - Joseph

"Hetero row row your boat." - Gabi

"I'm so graceful. Like a mountain goat." - Joseph

"Buy my porn. And buy the soundtrack." - Joseph

"They ask: 'what does a rural lesbian look like?' and they're like: 'oh, you know, checked shirt and maple syrup' and I'm like 'no! That's Canadians!'" - Julie

"There's sap all over your ass" - Aoife "There always is when you're around, babe" - Lucy

  • Yelling the lyrics of the song Singing in The Rain whilst standing in the rain* - JJ

"Her pork friends?" - Molly

"It's just a carnivorous cult. Sitting around, praying to the pig in the centre." - Julie "The piggy in the middle." - Órla

"Puns are like cancer except cancer isn't good but puns are really really good." - Colm

"Hold my earrings - I'm about to whoop this bitch's ass." - Steph

"I always offer people brojobs." - Steph

"Better blatant than latent." - Molly

"My illness is a metaphor." - Steph

(in Doctor Who appreciation, watching Midnight) "Chicken or beef?" - Sky "I think it's both" - the Doctor "(whispered) It's turkey!" - ?

"Grindr ruined Pokemon for me." - Luke

"Grindr ruined everything." - John-Joe

"I just deepthroated an ice cream." - Luke

"That fucking show broke my fucking lesbian heart." - Lola

"I can't eat all this myself. No, I won't give you any" - JJ

"They broke my snart "snail heart." - Luke

(in the voice of the Count from Sesame Street) "One nipple - ah ah ah - two nipples - ah ah ah - THREE nipples - ah ah ah." - Luke

"C is for crippling anxiety." - Luke

"Don't cry, crack." - Luke

"Let's go and investigate the baby in the air." - Luke

(in relation to using a cactus as a sex toy) "I feel like I've been issued a challenge." - Luke

"Look what I found in Bots! A nipple!" - Luke

"This is a very lesbian day." - Pen

"I put the cum in commuter." - Brooke

(on charging 'phones in the bathroom) "This is WAY better than having wild sex!" - Brooke

"You should fight them." - Anita "That would be animal abuse." - Luke

"I can't just pick it up in my mouth because it goes everywhere!" - Pen

"I didn't think you meant oíchí oíchí as in nighty nighty. I thought you said hee hee hee hee as in devious cackling." - Luke

"Coming out of the closet and I've been doing just fine gotta gotta go down because I want girls, ALL." - Lola

"Welcome to wet tray hell." - Molly

"West Korea is best Korea!" - Steph

"Stumpfuckers!" - Molly and Arianna

(on Hobbits) "Despite our big feet, we have a low carbon footprint." - Ben

"We declare war on everyone." - North Korea (FUN) "In response to... climate change?" - Claire R.A.

(on murdering all hungry people) "Just a reminder that that's genocide..." - Claire R.A.

"Is genocide illegal?" - Caoimhe

(representing the Hive) "If you plans don't work, I think we should use Plan Bee." - Liam

(looking for a name for gender neutral parent) "What about GNP? Oh wait, that's Gross National Product." - Jack

"Oh sugar what up!" - Arianna

"Only two things could make this better." - Colm "Lesbians?" - Molly "Vampire lesbians." - Colm

"Well, I am Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter." - Colm

(after getting three hugs) "I'm getting more skin than a rich, white guy in a whorehouse!" - Jack

(on child protection) "There's a two finger rule!" - Gabi

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta go on the sesh, make it last forever, the session never ends!" - Luke

"It feels really weird... To feel the milk" - Emma

"What's Guantanamo Bay?" -Ashling "It's a surfing resort. They have water-boarding there." -Billy


"Oh you're from Connemara, what else do you do there other than lick moss and eat rocks" -Monty

"I'm hilariously single" -Monty

"Is Monty your biological father" -Monty (to Calum)

"I'm a meme now" -David

[sadly] "I'm not a meme anymore" - also David

"Yes, comedy is all about births and oranges" - Pop Fic

"We're not going to the disco until we stamp out the fascism." -Lord John

" given the fascist tendencies of this RA group..." -Lord John

"Can they bring back the dank kush?" - Thomas

"If I catch you one more time I'm going to bring you to the Arctic and come down on you like an oil rigging station." - Lorcan

"Even if they were cousins, it wouldn't stop them shifting." - Fiona

"What's your favourite colour, Enda?" - Fiona "Blue. Like this blanket. And your eyes." - Enda

"You said you loved me!" - David "It was just a phase!" - Enda

"say you're next to the kid with the coloured hair, cause that's all of them" - Claire

"why are you ignoring me? is it because I'm short? because that's not funny anymore" - Mary (to Paul)

"Suck it really hard and it might come out" - Darren of ARC


"I don't judge people based on what they wear" -Dermot

"Internet Explorer!" -Novel Writing B to Ben

"Where do you put the Toaster! IN THE TOASTER!" -Ben's accidental chant screw-up

"Fight me!" -Aoife (to Mary RA) "AOIFE YOU CAN'T FIGHT RA'S!" -Bláthnaid

"There is the Ideal Chair" - Emer


"Surrogacy squad 2k16"- Luke

"You're on the right track." - Popular Fiction Class

"Hatred of everything PowerPoints" -Medicine B

"I tried to be cool, but I forgot I was a nerd" - Caleb, after the "Wall-run Incident"

"I did not touch that small blond child!"-James O'Keeffe

"I like children.......but not in a weird way!"-James O'Keeffe

"SWEATPANTS" - Music Production

"I'm searching for a female leprechaun. I've always been into taller women"-Conor


"Savage" - Kerrie Evans

"Hurricanes..... are dangrous" - Hugh Tyrell

"Parful hoop" - Ruairi Green

"Go back to fucking philosophy" - Popular Fiction Class

"Kwench me daddy" -Liam

"Kwench me up inside" -Evanescense

"Cormac you're the worst cousin ever" -Ellen


Once upon a time a CTYI newb by the name of Rhys MacGiollabhuidhe was walking around the quad like a loner, when suddenly another student gave hime a loaf of bread. However this was no ordinary loaf of bread. This loaf of bread was frozen. Rhys, being an absolute moron of the highest order decided not to just fuck it on the ground and back away slowly but instead to bring it to his friend Ben who was in his room playing Battle Cats (best game). Ben decided that they should show their friends Joel and Ryan, the self-appointed master of DaNKnEss. Unfortunately all the DaNK had gotten to Ryan and he and Joel were being very annoying so Rhys started theripudically smashing the bread on the wall. Upon return to Ben's room, Rhys began to find as many creative ways as possible to do what ended in a frozen loaf of bread bouncing off of a wall. He also hid lots of slices under Ben's bedsheet. But alas it could not be delayed forever. As is customary to do with any mysterious objects in the CTYI, they placed some in the toaster. And the microwave. And the fridge. And, worst of all, the sink. Which they then filled with water. And more bread. Of course the sink got clogged which to any sane person would be considered a bad thing. Ben however was INsane and Rhys was completetly his own species, so they found this hilarious. Hilarious enough, in fact, to go and get Ryan and Joel who also found this funny. Unfortunately it was not long until reality caught up with them and they realised that this was not actually a good thing. Because that this was mostly Rhys's fault Ben locked him in the kitchen and told him to get out all of the bread. Rhys started by scooping the bread out with an ice cube tray. During this time, Ben's room mate popped his head through the door and looked at Rhys as though he had 12 heads. Rhys met this stare with a hearty smile and a "Hi". Ben's room mate then did what Rhys should have done a long time ago: back away slowly. It wasn't long after that that Rhys realised that at this point the bread was so soggy that it was litterally spilling out of the ice cube tray and so he decided to simply cram all remaining 8 slices of bread down the drain.

-A Pop.Fic Story, brought to you by DaNKnEss